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Tajann Asked January 2022

Am I wrong to think my mom should've agreed to have the social worker file an appeal for more therapy?

First of all, I want to thank everyone for their feedback on this forum. I don't know what I would've done without your advice (suggestions and encouragement) during this difficult and exhausting time.


I realize my mom is alert and oriented however, I do not think she is making sound decisions. I also now realize how the system works, she was admitted for ortho rehab and while she had two issues (psychiatric admission on psych unit then transferred to med/surg for surgery number 3 to remove hardware due to infection and blood clot), she was discharged to the rehab facility for ortho rehab. Not for cognition. With COVID running rampant, they are trying to get patients discharged home ASAP to prevent exposure. I can't help but wonder if I was wrong in thinking she shouldn't go home yet. Although she did leave the facility abruptly, it was her right if she wanted to leave and I am just glad I wasn't the one who took her home, because I would feel responsible. I know I have to let the cards fall because it's been too much for me but I can't help but feel awful that she would accuse me of lying to keep her at the rehab. I guess that just confirms that she's not thinking right. Thoughts?

JoAnn29 Jan 2022
No you weren't wrong. But Mom walked out of the facility so this is a mute point.
There is probably no ryhme or reason to the way Mom thinks. She thinks she is right. You really just need to step back and take a deep breath. Be happy she isn't speaking to you for now. Let ur sister and nephew deal with her. Don't answer any calls from them because I think u would be sucked back in to the Drama.

You wanting Mom stay appealed because you care but Mom thinks otherwise. From now on, let her handle things the way she wants and set those boundries.

BarbBrooklyn Jan 2022
T, I think there's several things going on in your head here.

1. Mom is officially competent. She had every right to leave under her own steam.

2. You are rightly devestated that your mom thinks you are impersonating her and lying on her to "imprison" her in rehab. That sounds kind of delusional to me. I thinm a sane and comletent person woukd have agreed to the appeal. A paranoid and delusional person would not

3. If mom were acting rationally, she would have checked out in an orderly way, with the wheelchair, meds and whatever paperwork was needed to be signed. Rational, thinking people don't do what she did (just note, my manipulative, mentally ill MIL did this frequently. My DH finally stopped showing up for the craziness.

I think your mom is acting crazy. You need to step away and let other family or APS step in.

When my MIL decided she was going to call APS to report my husband for abuse (he told her she should stop smoking--she had copd), he said "enough" and never went back.

I think that's where you are right now.

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lealonnie1 Jan 2022
I don't think you were 'wrong' for feeling she shouldn't leave rehab yet; she wasn't ready to! What you have on your hands with your mother is twofold: she has psychiatric issues (and/or dementia at play) AND physical issues that needed attention in rehab. While it's not a great time to be rehabbing in a SNF due to a Covid, it's a worse time to be dead b/c your mother left rehab before she was rehabbed. You had nothing to do with that decision, however, so you should stop overthinking this situation. What's done is done. If your mother winds up back in the hospital, it's due to her own decisions.

Best of luck.

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