Dad is 95. Mom passed 7 yrs ago. My sister and I moved him to Assisted Living (July 2021) to be closer to me, versus the 2hr drive I made every 2 weeks to care for him and his home. It wasn’t safe anymore for him to live alone. It was a 2 story townhouse. My Dad doesn’t use a walker or cane, and has perfect hearing. He does have CHF and had a pacemaker installed.
Over the years his anxiety, Obessive Complusive Behavior and Cognitive Decline has gotten the best of him. Two weeks after he arrived at Assisted Living, Delta Covid hit. Needless to say, I felt very guilty that I had kept him very safe in his home during the worst of Covid. He has never had Covid. He never gets sick! It’s his Italian Heritage.
He wasn’t there long enough to establish a normal routine. Meals were delivered to all residents. Dining room is now open. They want him down for 3 meals. I negotiated breakfast and lunch to be delivered at no charge in his room. He’s supposed to go down to dinner. My Dad needs help to put on his shoes (too many biscotti’s during Covid) he can’t bend over. His feet are very swollen and He has good shoes, but I can’t find a shoe he can slid on himself that works, I’ve been to all the sites and ordered so may) Sometimes he’s not up to going down. Also, because of his short term memory he needs the help going down and being brought up. Yesterday I obtained a doctors note stating he can’t physically go down for every meal. I haven’t presented it yet. My Dad has so much anxiety, OCB and Short term memory…trying to leave his room is a Big chore for him. Is it worth it, to put him through this? I visit every other day and spend hours with him. I take him down to dinner when he’s up to it. I walk him around the hallways to get exercise. I bath him because he wants to keep his dignity. I don’t mind at all doing this. Your asking yourself, why doesn’t he live with me? He gets up at all hours of the night and dwells at notes he writes himself. When I would visit him in his home, he would constantly come in my bedroom in the wee hours and sit down and go over his worry thoughts. I was exhausted when I left. My sister agrees that he can’t live with my husband and I because of this. I feel so guilty.
Oh yeah, what’s my question? Am I doing more harm than good in making him go down to eat dinner? It’s only been a few days that the faculty mandated this. Last time he went down, he kept saying a man resident was mean to him. Many residents have been plucked here and left to fend themselves.
The staff loves my Dad because he’s very friendly and gracious. It seems there is always a challenge. He is definitely not ready for Memory Care.
Oh yes, and then there’s this……..yesterday a couple has been quarantined for Covid. Yikes.
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So many people, myself included, have 'sailed' thought covid, meaning we never got it, but were still affected negatively by it--I am super, super anxious all the time. It's awful. Most days I can drag myself around and you wouldn't notice that I'm pretty miserable, but some, like yesterday, I just gave in to the anxiety and went to bed. I KNOW what I need to do to be more functional and such, I just don't have the energy to DO IT. The constant anxiety is HORRIBLE and I feel for your dad. He really does need some socialization, and going to meals is about the only way he can get it.
My mom cannot wear any shoes now, either, so she wears slippers that are pretty 'grippy' and have no backs-I think those are called 'mules'. Buy a few kinds and see what he can shuffle his feet into. Mom can't reach her feet either, so the mules work. She wears those hospital socks also, so she has less fear of slipping.
Mom just got her slippers at WalMart. There's nothing special about them--they just fit.
And please do address the emotional feelings dad is having. Even with OCD, and elderly, he can be treated for it. Addiction at this stage of his life is not a worry.
Good Luck--you're a good daughter to do so much.
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So this is a matter of what the expectations of the facility are. When my brother entered ALF it was made very clear to BOTH of us what the expectations are, along with an inch thick written. It explained everything from levels of care to how often costs and raises in rental were expected and how high they might be. They gave their expectations of the resident's abilities, and what they could provide.
I wish you good luck. This is now between the resident and the facility to decide if this is the right placement or not. I hope all goes well. Ask to speak to the Facility DON or whomever handles this.
PS As to residents who "get mean" or have their own individual problems, my bro and I used to sit and laugh. They actually had community meetings in the cottages to work out problems. He said it was like living in a 60s commune except that now it wasn't the year that was the 60s but the residents, and most of them were well OVER the 60s. There were always disagreements, even to how high or low the shades were. It certainly all requires a lot of adjustment and that for each resident.
The swollen feet are tough. My mom didn't wear shoes for the last two years of her life because I simply couldn't find anything to go on her feet. She wore hospital socks with the non-slip soles on the bottom, but she was also wheelchair-bound.
Check silverts.com to see if any of their slippers for swollen feet would work.