My best friend is 61. How can I help him?

chicklet79, thank you for the extra info that he is in therapy but is pretty much a hot mess physically. Decluttering/cleaning his apartment won't fix the larger problem of him not really being able to live independently. I'm sure you're correct that he needs outside help, but with no money...there's not many options for him. You can help him contact social services to have them come in and do a needs assessment. This will provide SOME limited help by the county and it may be enough for a while BUT... they won't send anyone into a hoarded apartment.

I would contact his local area's Agency on Aging to see if there are charitable organizations that may provide clean-up services for needy seniors. Another option may be to contact a local church to see if they have a ministry that may provide volunteers for a 1-time clean-up of him apartment. Clean up should only happen if he is actively going to therapy and making progress. If not, he's wasting everyone's time and endangering their health with his mess.

I'm wondering why his therapist hasn't suggested a clean-up resource, but maybe this is seen as enabling? Something to ponder.

You could call APS but they may say he has a right to live the way he wants, as long as its just junk. I can't imagine how much stuff he has that it cost 5k to clean up and you think its overwhelming.

I have a nephew who has a similar problem. His is he can't clean up trash. Not garbage, trash. He has a neurological problem and physical problems. I have not been in his apt for over 2 yrs. Why, because every time I enter it, my chest tightens up. There is no reason for it. He uses the trash can but leaves the bags all over. He is not 30 ft from a dumpster right out the door. He had boxes from internet orders all over. (I can see them when I drop off stuff thru his sliding glass doors) when asked why he hasn't at least collapsed them, "I have snacks in them". He has a kitchen with lots of cabinets! I had this problem the whole time he lived with Mom. He had a room to himself besides a bedroom to watch TV. He had a kitchen size trashcan next to his chair. Never lined it with a bag. Plastic grocery bags all over the floor. I gave him a small trashcan with a lid to store them. Could not walk anything out to the kitchen or the mudroom where the garbage cans are. I was on him all the time, it got old. This is why his does not live with me. I can't imagine how things would have been if my sister had lived. She too was a slob. I could never understand how people can live this way.

Is there a way you can do a room at a time. Starting with what you would consider trash. Thats how I cleaned out my Moms and MILs place. We tackled what we could throw out first. Then we started on a room at a time. I chose the kitchen. First, the pantry. Lots of outdated. Then the frig, a 2 yr old roast. Then cabinets. Its not so overwhelming.

Has he asked you to "declutter" for him? Hoarding is a mental disorder that only is treated with therapy. Like others have responded, he will just fill it up again. Most likely if you start removing anything he will find a reason to keep it (and it will be an irrational reason), or he will get angry if he finds out you've taken anything out without first asking him, even if it is rotted, feces-covered items. You will exhaust yourself trying to "clean" and reason with him. You can't. You can report him as a vulnerable adult to APS. Eventually, when things get "bad enough" or he has a medical emergency call 911. Then do not go get him from the hospital. He should not return home. Take pictures of his hoarding to show the hospital discharge staff to make sure they know he is an "unsafe discharge" so that social services will figure out a solution for him. If they don't think he is cognitively incapacitated they will release him, but if you go get him, that makes you an enabler. Hoarders are happy to have people orbiting around them and they don't care if you become exhausted.

Even if (in a dream world) you were able to clean up his hoard can he realistically stay in his home with his bad back, little income and no help? Eventually he will have to find a different living situation anyway. I'm sorry that there are no satisfying solutions for this situation, just waiting to see what happens and NOT getting sucked into his disorder.

Why can't he deal with it? What type of disability does he have? You say back pain and stressful, is that what he uses as his reason? My mom uses her legs hurt as her #1 excuse for never starting to deal with her hoard.

Until he gets treatment to deal with the hoarding disorder, nothing is going to work. It can be cleared completely out and he will start a new hoard the same day.

If it is so dangerous, then APS needs to be called. They probably won't do anything but, he will be on their radar for future events.

Chicklet, welcome!

I don't know what you mean by "isolate seniors" regarding APS. Your friend needs psychiatric help. That might involve a stay in an inpatient unit.

Hoarding is a mental illness. Doing a cleanup will not help, he will hoard again.

Call APS to get him the psychiatric help he needs.