Is it the ride she wants or the icecream? Supermarkets where I am sell ice-creams on a paddle pop, 6 or 8 to a carton, all in a waffle cone and with chocolate etc on top. Could you get a carton, and set up a special place to eat it – with a mirror so she can watch herself, and some artificial flowers as a back drop to make it ‘special’. If you don’t have enough freezer space, this might be a good time to buy one. We got a mini-bar-type freezer than will run as a fridge or a freezer, whichever you choose. This could make a nice little treat, with less running around.
'Retired military. Caring for my wife a couple of years now and getting harder. Have read questions from caregivers on your site and I am going through the exact things. She saw a neurologist the other day for the first time which was a monumental task. He now wants her to do MRI, brain scan and meet with a neuropsychologist. I know she will not want to do these things. She thinks nothing is wrong. I’m afraid sooner or later I am going to fall ill as my nerves and health cannot take much more. This is not life the way it should be.'
I think you have a bigger issue on your hands here than just going out for ice cream every day. You're in over your head trying to care for your wife who's suffering from dementia which will only continue to worsen & take a toll on YOUR health. At 71, she can live for a very long time like this, what about you?
Go see a certified Elder Care attorney for guidance & advice, that's my suggestion. Look into Memory Care for your wife if you have the funds to be able to self pay. Get advice on Medicaid from the attorney if not. Know the facts, have Plan B & C lined up so if need be, one can be activated. You matter too; it's not just your wife's life that matters here, my friend. If you fall apart or get sick, what then? People tend to only focus on the 'poor dementia patient' but what about the POOR CAREGIVER?
Ice cream is the least of the issues you face here. Get a gallon & some sprinkles and put it in the freezer for the days you can't get out for a joyride. Tell your wife the ice cream is in the kitchen today, dear, and that's THAT. Keep repeating the sentence while you make her a bowl, then move onto the next repetitive question. Hire some in-home help to give YOU some respite and to clear your head out of the mind-numbing task of caring for a dementia sufferer.
My mother has been living in Memory Care Assisted Living since June of 2019 and the care team takes excellent care of her. The doctors come in to see HER on site, the meds are ordered and administered to her there, issues are addressed immediately on site, and it's a win-win situation in that I can visit her and also see to it that she gets great managed care outside of my home.
Best of luck figuring out what comes next in the care plan for your dear wife.
If he is retired military he’s entitled to military benefits and his wife is also entitled to military spousal benefits. Call the Dept of veterans affairs and ask for help. Good luck💜
Perhaps this is the only enjoyment she gets out if her day, so instead of looking at this as a negative, maybe try looking at it as you're bringing just a little bit of joy into her life by taking her out for ice-cream. And if there are days where it's just not feasible to get out, do what vegaslady recommended and keep some good ice-cream and fixings at home, so you can just go in your kitchen and make her a nice sundae. You must remember that there is no reasoning with someone with any of the dementias, so don't even try as you will lose every time. You're doing a great job with your wife, please don't forget that.
You cannot reason with your wife. It could be a blizzard outside and she would not understand that it is too dangerous to drive. If you look at this as your wife has the mind of a small child then it may make things better. Small children have no understanding of why they just want it.
This maybe a daily thing. Really, isn't it easier to just do then to tire yourself out trying to explain why you can't. I like the idea of having the fixins at home.
If this is getting too much for you and you have money, maybe moving into an Assisted living would be an option. You would have the care for her and freedom for you knowing when ur not there, she is taken care of. Or you find a community where you can do the independent living and she is in MC and you visit.
Or he could simply tell a white fib and say the ice cream place has new hours… only open on tuesdays and thursdays. Have ice cream at home the other days… even outside under the trees on nice days
This is kind of funny (not laughing at you at all) but one of my clients somehow managed to make an ice cream 'run' a part of most of my days with her. She was not supposed to have sugar within X many minutes of taking one of her meds and we'd calculate that out and race to the local Frozen Custard store. She always just got a small serving, but, you know, for her, it was an outing and she loved it so much.
She WAS hard to get in and out of the car, but this was part of my job. I understand that this is your LIFE and you probably do not want to go out for ice cream everyday.
Maybe mark on the calendar the 'ice cream days' and incorporate those days into ones when you already have somewhere else to go.
Also keeping all the 'fixins' for fancy sundaes is a good idea. So you can do it at home.
Probably she just likes 'getting out' of the house. For you it's a chore--for her, it may be all she looks forward to.
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'Retired military. Caring for my wife a couple of years now and getting harder. Have read questions from caregivers on your site and I am going through the exact things. She saw a neurologist the other day for the first time which was a monumental task. He now wants her to do MRI, brain scan and meet with a neuropsychologist. I know she will not want to do these things. She thinks nothing is wrong. I’m afraid sooner or later I am going to fall ill as my nerves and health cannot take much more. This is not life the way it should be.'
I think you have a bigger issue on your hands here than just going out for ice cream every day. You're in over your head trying to care for your wife who's suffering from dementia which will only continue to worsen & take a toll on YOUR health. At 71, she can live for a very long time like this, what about you?
Go see a certified Elder Care attorney for guidance & advice, that's my suggestion. Look into Memory Care for your wife if you have the funds to be able to self pay. Get advice on Medicaid from the attorney if not. Know the facts, have Plan B & C lined up so if need be, one can be activated. You matter too; it's not just your wife's life that matters here, my friend. If you fall apart or get sick, what then? People tend to only focus on the 'poor dementia patient' but what about the POOR CAREGIVER?
Ice cream is the least of the issues you face here. Get a gallon & some sprinkles and put it in the freezer for the days you can't get out for a joyride. Tell your wife the ice cream is in the kitchen today, dear, and that's THAT. Keep repeating the sentence while you make her a bowl, then move onto the next repetitive question. Hire some in-home help to give YOU some respite and to clear your head out of the mind-numbing task of caring for a dementia sufferer.
My mother has been living in Memory Care Assisted Living since June of 2019 and the care team takes excellent care of her. The doctors come in to see HER on site, the meds are ordered and administered to her there, issues are addressed immediately on site, and it's a win-win situation in that I can visit her and also see to it that she gets great managed care outside of my home.
Best of luck figuring out what comes next in the care plan for your dear wife.
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And if there are days where it's just not feasible to get out, do what vegaslady recommended and keep some good ice-cream and fixings at home, so you can just go in your kitchen and make her a nice sundae.
You must remember that there is no reasoning with someone with any of the dementias, so don't even try as you will lose every time.
You're doing a great job with your wife, please don't forget that.
This maybe a daily thing. Really, isn't it easier to just do then to tire yourself out trying to explain why you can't. I like the idea of having the fixins at home.
If this is getting too much for you and you have money, maybe moving into an Assisted living would be an option. You would have the care for her and freedom for you knowing when ur not there, she is taken care of. Or you find a community where you can do the independent living and she is in MC and you visit.
She WAS hard to get in and out of the car, but this was part of my job. I understand that this is your LIFE and you probably do not want to go out for ice cream everyday.
Maybe mark on the calendar the 'ice cream days' and incorporate those days into ones when you already have somewhere else to go.
Also keeping all the 'fixins' for fancy sundaes is a good idea. So you can do it at home.
Probably she just likes 'getting out' of the house. For you it's a chore--for her, it may be all she looks forward to.