The caregiver who was daughter of my grandma, my cousin is saying she stole money. The caregiver died and is blaming me the son. Any help?

So if I have this right your Mother was caring for your Grandma? Now your Mother has died and your Cousin believes she has found evidence of your Mother having handled finances poorly and/or committed fraud against her Mom? Now the Authorities want to speak with you and you have no knowledge of any of this?
I am not certain what you have to do with any of this. When your Mom died did you use her "estate" to pay her bills? Were you appointed executor/administrator of your Mom's estate either in a will or by the court, or was Mom's estate too small to even need to go through probate?
There are so many questions here, but the long and short is, yes, of COURSE you will cooperate as fully as you are able with the authorities, and do not discuss anything at all with anyone else. You should see an attorney as well if you feel the need, if you feel you may have handled something in a questionable manner. You should gather all paperwork, wills, accounts, checking accounts, bills and receipts in files and have it as organized for the authorities as you are able.
If you feel your Mom "may have" handled grandma's stuff poorly (ie may have embezzled grandma's money at worst or not kept good records at best) just tell the authorities that you had nothing to do with Mom's management of grandma's stuff, and have zero knowledge of all that, that you wish you could help but you cannot.
Do know, when questioned by authorities you always have the right to say "Look, I don't even know what you are talking about, and I sure don't have any answers, so I am leaving unless you have a charge against me and are arresting me; I am finished discussing this now because I don't know anything. If you are arresting me I don't have anything to say, and I would like a lawyer appointed to my defense."
My advise here as with all things medical or legal is to see the proper professional for advice. Taking advice from a Forum might not help you and might cause more of a muddle.
Good luck. Hope you'll update us.

Did your Mom steal or did grandma pay her to care for her? Is your cousin grandma's POA? If so, she should have been watching the finances. Your cousin has to prove there was theft. IMO your cousin should have put a claim against the estate at the time Mom passed.

First, your cousin needs to show proof that ur Mom stole the money. Did Mom forge checks? Were these checks the same amount or different amts, big, small. Maybe Mom used her own money to shop for grandma and then reimbursed herself. Maybe Mom felt by caregiving for grandma she was entitled to be paid for it. On your side you can figure out approx how many hours Mom put in and x that by, lets say, $10 a hr? Does that come out to about what Mom was "suppose" to have stolen. Because until your cousin can prove it, the theft is alleged.

Are there actual police involved? Really, I don't know how cousin will be able to recoup the money from a person who had passed. What proof will you have? If it was cash, there will be no paper trail. If check, unless Mom deposited it, it won't show up on her statement. If she cashed it, you have no idea what she did with it. You can be forth coming and give the police anything they ask for. Showing what money she had at time of death and what bills you paid. If they want statements you cannot produce then its up to the police to subpoena the bank for Moms records.

Did you inherit anything money wise? If she proves her case, you may have to give that to her. Did Mom have a house? If the theft was substantial, the house may have to be sold to pay the judgement. If small, cousin may need to have a lien placed on the house which will cost her to do so. A trial will also cost her. She will need to hire a lawyer. You should hand nothing over to her money wise unless she can prove her case to a judge.

If the police are involved, they may find cousin has no case against your Mom. That its a civil case and she is going to need to sue. She can't sue you, well she could try but it would be the wrong person. She would probably need to sue the estate which has already been distributed.

Yes, you may eventually have to consult with a lawyer. IMO cousin doesn't have a leg to stand on and it will cost her or grandma money to pursue it. You be cooperative with the police as much as possible. Your defence is you have no idea what your Mom did or didn't do. I would never admit that Mom stole. Your cousin has to prove it. In the end, cousin can't collect from a dead person. You cannot be held responsible for what Mom did unless u profited in some way, like received some of the money she had left.

Please come back and tell us how this all works out. We love updates.

If you didn't know or weren't involved why wouldn't you be cooperative with the police?

If the money is gone and you didn't know it was stolen or weren't involved with the theft, I don't see how you could be held responsible for a dead woman's actions, regardless of her title to you.

If the police are involved, I guarantee they are looking at everything. So your cousin would be pretty stupid to abscond with any assets during an investigation.

Sounds like a right royal family feud.

Did you inherit any of your mother's leftover estate money, if there was any? Was your name joint on any of her accounts? If so do you still have access to those accounts? The detectives are probably looking for evidence (a "paper trail") but I'm wondering why they don't have the power to demand the info from the institutions themselves directly? I would definitely retain a lawyer if you had any co-mingled funds or assets, and also just to know IF you should "cooperate" with them, because many times they rely on the ignorance of the law to scare people into making their jobs easier. Your cousin is rightfully angry and grasping at straws to pursue justice and recover any money and you are guilty by association. You don't have to tell your cousin, but I would at the very least consult with a criminal attorney so that you can stay a step ahead and know what to expect so that you can protect yourself and your own assets.

Crikey.

Okay.

Your mother misappropriated money from your grandmother. - you seem to agree that she did, it isn't a disputed fact?
Your mother has passed away, unexpectedly, and I'm sorry for your loss whatever else happened.
Some of the money your mother took has been used to pay her estate's debts and is not recoverable.

Your cousin is saying you need to co-operate with detectives - what sort of detectives? Police investigating an alleged crime, or privately hired to track down grandma's money - to assist with sorting out the situation.

Why wouldn't you, though? Is anyone accusing you of being complicit in this? Are you???