Can I limit who visits my mother while she is in a nursing home?

I have personally found that elderly people need human touch and feel loved when people aren't afraid to be near them and touch them.

They don't get much loving touch in a nursing home, it's usually a caregiver doing something uncomfortable for the elder.

I think it's a power trip to decide you are going to stop someone that loves your mom from visiting because of personal quirks that you and her sister find annoying. Build a bridge and get over it. Be happy that she wants to visit mom.

The question may not be "can you" but "should you". Unless this person is angling to influence her (like change her PoA / Will for no real legitimate reason) I would pick your battles wisely. If she's just a snoop, a gossip or arm-chair doctor second-guessing your mother's medical care, but your mother enjoys her visits...so be it. But, that's just me. Also, you may find the NH entry protocol is pretty porous. Can you provide more info about why you wish to block her?

To not want your touchy-feely cousin to visit your mom b/c she can't seem to properly 'socially distance' or keep far enough away from your mother is kind of ridiculous, considering your mother is living in a senior nursing home with many other elders in a communal setting, don't you think? Germs & viruses are going to spread, no matter how much a visitor 'socially distances' themselves, and no matter how many arrows are on the floor telling people they can only walk in ONE direction. The germs & viruses aren't aware of those arrows, nor are they aware of the plastic shields and other 'barriers' put up to keep them out. #Truth

My mother is 95 and lives in a Memory Care AL with advanced dementia. I would honestly be THRILLED if my cousins had it in them to visit her, ever, no matter what their 'vaccination status' was, b/c my mother would be delighted to see them. And SHE is vaxxed, which is what counts in that department. To me, it's more important that our loved ones feel loved by their family members than it is to stay hyper focused on keeping them 'safe'.

Sorry if that's not the answer you're looking for (obviously), but it's how I feel after dealing with a mother in MC for nearly 3 years now and a whole lot of covid fatigue on everyone's part.

If your Mom does not wish to see this cousin than there is your answer. Ask if she can be kept from visiting. If not you may need to tell this cousin that her Aunt has requested she not visit. Yes, people like this get their feelings get hurt easily. I was so glad my one Aunt had already passed when I started caring for Mom. She too stuck her nose where it wasn't wanted. She thought she knew better.

I inquired about the same thing: How to block one particular person from visiting my loved one in the nursing home.... My reason was that visitor gets my LO all riled up with the "You don't belong in a nursing home" and "I can't believe they dumped you here" and similar comments. Visitor has also been disrespectful to the staff but, of course, it's all because she "cares so much" and is the "only person who sees what's REALLY going on here" and other unhelpful/destructive comments. It takes DAYS for my LO to "recover" from this visitor - but it is someone who she wants to see.... In terms of banning a particular person, I was told it's generally not done unless it's a sex offender or a similar person who really should not be around vulnerable people. That said, I did have to tell nursing home that if visitor causes a scene they have our blessing to ask her to leave and/or call authorities if needed.

The more I thought about it, I don't see how I could really stop her from visiting the nursing home anyway. She uses multiple names and changes her appearance frequently. Add to that the staff turnover (particularly at the front entrance) and no one would really remember to be watching for her anyway and she could probably walk right in without anyone knowing she was not supposed to be there . Trying to ban one person may not really be enforceable, so you might want to give that some thought. The other thing I realized is that this visitor can aggravate just as much through a phone call - which would be even harder to put a stop to.

If your mother enjoys your cousin's visits you would be wrong to prevent them.

Apart from annoyance, what's the issue with the nosy cousin? What harm results from her curiosity?

Hi All,

Well, I am going to try to get it enforced anyway.

The problem is my cousin is one of those people who cannot socially distance and behave herself. She thinks she has to hug, kiss, slurp, breathe on and practically talk nose-to-nose with people . She's part Italian... and even her own sister doesn't like how she invades people's personal space!!

Also, I am not sure about my cousin's vaccination status if she is fully boostered or not.

Secondly my 89 year old mom just got her COVID booster shot today, and she is still unvaxxed for the flu.

It will take about 3 - 4 weeks before she has some extra immunity from the COVID booster. She got the Johnson and Johnson shot way back in April 2021.

So with that said, I just want to keep my mom as safe as possible. I was pretty furious that my brother who lives several thousand miles away even tipped off my cousin about my mom being in the hospital.

BTW, my mom has advanced dementia and will be housed in the secure wing of the nursing home building.

How about telling your cousin directly that your mom can have no visitors right now?

Don't count on the nursing home to monitor her visitors unless all visitors have to sign in and out electronically and be buzzed in.They may have a system that would veto some visitors. My mom's first nursing home told me they couldn't monitor who came and went (totally absurd), and a complete stranger (to me) visited her and blabbed her business all over town afterward. Needless to say, I was livid when the NH told me they couldn't monitor who comes and goes.

buckeyechick, somewhere buried in all you say is the fact that your mother doesn't much like the cousin and doesn't want her visiting. That would seem, then, to be the answer. Inform the facility your mother has expressed a wish not to be contacted by this cousin. Notify the cousin that you are sorry your Mom doesn't wish her to visit at this time, and perhaps a nice card now and then will suffice.

Wow, I have never seen so many nasty and unhelpful remarks. Just because you all do not understand the OP's situation, you feel that it's helpful to be nasty and tell her she's wrong ??!! Seriously ?? !!

I have a sister-in-law who is very much the same thing as the OP describes. I totally get it.