Should I ask for a dementia diagnosis?

Thank you everyone for the replies. We’re just going to keep on keepin’ on at this point. She and I and my brother (the only people who get to vote) are all on the same page concerning my having durable POA, her living situation and her finances.

The AL is not going to evaluate Mom for a Dementia. I would not even take her to her primary. She needs a Neurologist who will run labs to find out if there is a physical cause for her decline. If not, then an MRI and an EEG.

You don't ask for a dementia diagnosis. You ask for a test for dementia.

What makes you think she obviously has dementia? What do you see in her behavior and/or cognitive shortcomings that would cause you to think that? Certainly, as we age, we may lose some cognitive processing abilities. But there is a clinical difference between normal aging and dementia. You can suggest to her that she take a brief cognitive screening evaluation and, depending on the results, pursue any further steps, if necessary, from there. If she still does annual physicals, her dr. should perform a routine dementia screen as a matter of course.

Just a note on the POA as a reason to be tested.

My LOs POAs were active the minute they were signed. No need for testing to activate it as it’s legality did not depend on incompetence.
Read the POA to see when your moms is in force, under what circumstances.

Sometimes it is not clear if a person has a specific dementia. Sometimes a person has more than one type. My DH aunt found the testing stressful and was able to realize that her memory was worse than she had originally thought. Your mom may not mind it. I wanted her tested in order to learn what I could in regard to where she should live, what medications might help and which should be avoided.
I can’t really say it was helpful beyond giving me the assurance I was doing all I could for her and to establish a base line. She tolerated the MRI which was interesting but not that revealing.
Your mom sounds like a sweetie and that things are going well. You are doing a great job.

All old people suffer from a "normal" (mild to moderate) decline in recent memory, concentration, attention span, recall, calculation, orientation and problem solving ability. If it remains stable and it doesn't progress rapidly is not dementia, What sets the difference between "normal" and dementia is the rapid progression of the loss of neuro-cognitive functions and the appearance of other symptoms like change in personality, anxiety, depression, false beliefs and false perceptions. There is no need to test everybody.

Since you replied that you are her PoA then I would get a diagnosis so that your authority is legally established, but also because there are other illnesses that can mimic dementia symptoms, like an untreated UTI (which are extremely common in elderly women), thyroid, over- or under-medicating (if she's responsible for taking her own meds she may not be taking them correctly), certain vitamin deficiencies, HBP, dehydration, diabetes, stroke, tumor, etc. You can help her best when you are sure of what's going on with her health.

Are you her PoA? If yes, do you wish to be the one who legally makes decisions in her best interests going forward? Then read the PoA document to see what is required for this authority to become officially active. It usually requires 1 or 2 medical diagnosis of "incapacity".

If you are not her PoA but are currently managing her medical and financial affairs please be aware that you have no legal right (or protection) to do so. The law demands that each person who is incapacitated have a legally assigned representative. It's either you (as PoA) or the county. There is no 3rd choice.

Some adult children do get away with managing their parent's affairs without being PoA, but when medical issues start to arise, you may find that the doctors cannot disclose her medical information to you with the proper MPoA or HIPAA release documents. As the cost of her care increases not being her FPoA may become a problem as well. I'm sure others on this site can contribute their own personal stories.

When you say she "obviously has dementia", what does this mean? Does she have short-term memory problems? Because if so, this may not prevent her from creating a PoA since remembering it is not the issue, but rather understanding it. An elder law attorney would privately interview her to make this assessment. So don't let this prevent you from taking her to an attorney to see if she's able to create a PoA.