How do we get an evaluation for dementia or other mental health issues for my mother-in-law if she won't go willingly?

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dazzlingdawn Asked February 2022

How do we get an evaluation for dementia or other mental health issues for my mother-in-law if she won't go willingly?

My mother in law lived with my husband when we got married and for the first few years everything was great! We all worked together to pay bills and keep the house clean. Then, she spent the summer of 2020 with her daughter in another state. After she came back, she was completely different. Refuses to help out around the house at all. Says she doesn't feel like she should have to pay any bills. When we talk to her about it she is apologetic and says she will do better and didn't realize it bothered us so much. But then she never changes her behavior. She keeps acting the same way as she did before we talked to her. We are worried that she may be developing dementia or a mental health disorder. We want to have her evaluated but we just don't know how to go about it. Any advice?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Mental Health

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score 0 · Answer 1

If you could get POA before she diminishes that would be best. Then you could have a joint checking account or your husband could with her money in it and then pay her bills for her. I did this with my mother once she entered AL 8 years ago and we observed her finances were a mess. After that there were no more bounced checks, needless finance charges, ridiculous payments to too many charities and on and on.

Hopefully she is under some medical care. Start there with making an appointment for an evaluation. It can be explained as a routine checkup.

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score 2 · Answer 2

Maybe she needs to go live with her daughter now and feed her the line of BS that she won't help with bills or chores and see how that works out for the two of them. Seems awfully coincidental that she became totally uncooperative right after a visit to her daughters house for the summer, don't you think? At 68 years old, your MIL is pretty young to have developed dementia out of the blue, or a mental health condition other than extreme stubbornness or entitlement likely brought on by her daughter who felt her dear mother shouldn't have to lift a finger or pay a penny to live with you, that SHE is doing YOU a favor by honoring you with her presence.

Ask your husband to have a nice chat with his sister to see what nonsense she may have filled mother's head up with while visiting. And ask when he can drop her off there again permanently.

Unless you see other obvious signs of dementia in your MIL like putting her car keys in the refrigerator or not knowing the day of the week, or repeating herself incessantly, I wouldn't worry about dementia but having someone whispering in her ear instead.

If you see other signs of dementia, her PCP should be contacted for a physical including a mini cognizance test.

Good luck 😁

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My husband doesn't speak to his sister and hasn't for about ten years, so you're right, his sister probably did say something. My MIL went to visit her daughter again back in August but his sister sent her back in January. She couldn't handle her mother any longer. My husband has been getting phone calls from his relatives and family friends that she is not the same person she used to be and that they are worried. My husband has told her that she needed to find her own place and she told us at the beginning of January that she was only going to stay for a few days. Well, she is still here with no plans to leave and "will have a better idea by the end of February." It was just such a sudden change in her personality that everyone around her could see. We thought there had to be something and dementia runs in her family. I think we will try to get her into the dr for now and go from there. Thanks for the advice!

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score 1 · Answer 3

Did the sister poison her against you guys? Plant the seeds of discontent and that she shouldn't have to pay or do chores? Have you guys asked her if something happened when she was there?

If not, I'd start with her PCP and see what referrals they suggest.

Good luck.

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How do we get an evaluation for dementia or other mental health issues for my mother-in-law if she won't go willingly?

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