My husband is constantly on me about cheating on him. It has really taken a toll on me. We have been married 33 years and believe me that is the last thing on my mind. I have gotten so mad lately that I yell back. I turned it on him today and said maybe you are having an affair and it makes you feel better blaming me. I know I shouldn’t do that, but I am so stressed out. I feel like I am in prison. I can’t go anywhere, yet he thinks I’m having an affair. Then he wanted to buy me lingerie and I said I don’t want lingerie because I don’t feel comfortable wearing it anymore. Its not like I’m 30. I hate to go to bed some nights because I feel I am expected to do something. I don’t even know this guy anymore and I feel terrible. I feel like I am spinning out of control. Anyone ever experience anything like this? Don’t think I’m horrible. I love my husband but I am so stressed out.
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Its actually kind of endearing that after 33 years of marriage, and with all his dementia...he's still thinking of you in lingerie.
I know it may be hard to see the bright side in this...but you should try to take comfort in the fact that all the loss of cognitive function due to his dementia hasn't dulled his desire for you.
Try to look past the negative comments and accusations, and focus on the part I mentioned above instead. It helps to try to focus on the positive things.
Easier said than done. I know
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Don't beat yourself up with guilt because you yelled at him. You're human and we all have a breaking point. Sometimes you have to yell back or even swear. Better that than physical violence and that happens too when caregivers reach their breaking point and if they have no one else shouldering some of the caregiving burden.
When your husband starts up with the asinine, delusional nonsense that comes with dementia, pay him no attention. Tell him no one is having an affair and then refuse to discuss it further.
Is your husband still mobile and able to get around? I ask this because if he is then you may be living in a potentially dangerous situation.
You need help. Please consider some hired homecare. Talk to your state's Department of Social Services. They can help put you in touch with different resources and organizations that can help you.
You are NOT horrible. This situation is what's horrible. Dementia is what's horrible.
None of us signs up to deal with these types of things but sometimes here we are dealing with things we knew little to nothing about before they hit our LO, and us too.
Can you not go anywhere because he can't be left alone? If so, please get some hired help so you can get out and get some time to yourself.
I agree with previous poster that it might be best for both of you if he were to live in MC. This sounds much too hard to deal with at home alone with him.
Take care of yourself. Good luck.
You are NOT horrible; LBD is horrible and the behaviors that go along with a damaged brain. You may be reaching the point where you can't handle DH alone at home anymore and that's okay. I've had my mother in Memory Care for almost 3 years now & she's gotten great care there by teams of people who really love her. When I worked in a Memory Care AL in 2019/2020, I got to meet a lot of spouses who had no other choice but to place their husband or wife there and they'd come to visit (some daily) and spend time with their loved one. Then they'd get to go home and sleep in peace & quiet.
For the time being, you may want to look into in-home care to give you respite. And do speak to DHs MD to ask about meds, if the ISB is an issue. Make YOURSELF a priority here too, not just HIM! You matter too and it's easy to lose sight of that fact when you're spreading yourself thin doing 24/7 caregiving.
Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plate.
What a problem! Have you talked to his doctor about his delusions and agitation?
I don't know if it helps, but start by framing them for what they are. Delusions. Part of a brain disease. Not him.
Tall to his doctor, and if no help there, consult a geriatric psychiatrist. Medicaid can sometimes help in these situations.
Have you watched any Teepa Snow videos? She's got amazing techniques for dealing with dementia clients.