My mother has short term memory issues and doesn’t remember agreeing to get a hearing aid. She calls me a liar and accuses me of wasting her money. I try to explain the benefits of the hearing aid and she just laughs at me and tells me there is nothing wrong with her hearing or memory. Even though there are several keys on the piano that she claims are broken because she can’t hear the notes. I am trying to improve the quality of her life and I don’t know what to do.
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It still falls in it is what it is territory I am afraid and know of folks who have spent thousands and thousands looking for the "right" one. Even the cochlear implants require tremendous brain adaptation and adjustment.
Wish you luck, but not placing bets that any of this will work.
This is just the latest of many challenges, yes? How did it happen that you became the one to move in with your mother to become her fulltime caregiver?
What is your mother's financial situation? If she needs a fulltime caregiver, can she afford a facility? If not, could she qualify for Medicaid?
Please tell us more.
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It's crucial, though, that they're properly fitted for her if you want any chance of her wearing them. Did you take her to an audiologist to have her hearing loss assessed, then have the aids adjusted for her once she got them? If not, you have to do that.
I hope she'll eventually adapt to them, because hearing loss is very isolating and contributes to the progression of dementia. My mother was stubborn for years about getting hearing aids, and I'm sure not being able to hear didn't do her brain any favors.
The main issue is the brain needs time to rewire, as it were, the sense of sound. This takes time and the longer the hearing loss, the longer it takes.
It also introduces sounds that can be startling and confusing at the beginning of the journey.
I don't know how to get her to wear them, maybe, telling her the monies already spent, so she should give it a chance. If she doesn't, she is the one wasting her money.
I like the idea of whispering and saying you are tired of yelling. Maybe throw in some mouthing only sentences.
Best of luck!
I never even broached the subject of hearing aids with the woman. Just continued to holler at the top of my lungs and then have her ask me why I was screaming at her? Over & over, round & round, we'd go, like two crazy people embroiled in the same situation every time we tried to speak.
Some things never change. And we can't fix FOR them what they refuse to HAVE fixed. Keep that in mind and your life may get easier. Also, she's paid for NOTHING. It's all free and covered by Medicare. That was the lie I'd told my mother for everything from prescription glasses to wheelchairs to everything else under the sun. That too is much easier than expecting them to swallow the truth that eyeglasses are $1000 or hearing aids are $5,000.
Good luck!
But we can't make someone with dementia learn new things. Or understand the value of the thing we KNOW will make their life better. So hard to let it go, but here we are.
See if your mom is willing to put in just 1 hearing aid, which would be better than none. At the end of the day your mom's advanced age and dementia will prevent her from easily adapting to new things. You can try a "therapeutic fib" and tell her you'll pay for them. Even so, it may be Groundhogs Day every morning to get her to wear them. You must pick your battles. Other options available at much lower costs are sound amplifiers that she can wear around her neck and other, simpler devices. I tried to get my mom to use hearing aids 5 years ago when her cognition and memory were better but I think her vanity and fear prevented her. Trying to go at it with logic and reason will exhaust you. Maybe you can put on a "fake" pair yourself and show her they aren't "scary". Time to get creative, but you'll need to have tempered expectations if she rejects all attempts. Then "it is what it is". Wishing you success in helping to improve her ability to hear!