My MIL had a personality disorder. She lied to get her out of things. She told my DHs Aunts that I would not allow her to have our daughter for the afternoon. She never asked. When FIL asked when could they have our daughter, DH said "right now". MIL freaked out. Oh no not today we have dinner plans. There were lies my DH knows nothing about. Would I have cared for her? No. I would have helped my husband but he would have done most of the work.
If lies are being told by in-laws concerning you, unless Dementia is involved, I would not care for them. Neither would I be in their presence.
I missed the part about them living in Cnals home? If they are not,, then she needs to stop being the doormat ( not insulting here ) and get the slanderer to step up,, or step out herself! And wipe her feet on the way out. THere is always some one who knows better than the caregiver,,, LOL Let them take over!
I wouldn’t provide caregiving for a person that slandered me, unless dementia was the reason, and even then I’d limit my exposure. What does your spouse intend to do to help the situation?
Sit with your husband. This may be more a "husband" problem than you know now if he doesn't stick up for you when you are doing the caregiving. Only you can decide what you are willing to put up with in your life. For me, I couldn't caregive in my home period. So I sure couldn't do it with lying inlaws. I would be out of there with a wave of the hand, wishing then great good luck. And on I would go. they are CRYING for caregivers in LTC facilities. Might as well get the appreciation of a paycheck.
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If lies are being told by in-laws concerning you, unless Dementia is involved, I would not care for them. Neither would I be in their presence.
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What is the slander?
Who has been lying to them "the whole time"?
What do you want the outcome to be?
Does you MIL have dementia?