How do I find affordable assisted living for my elderly mother?

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anonyx Asked March 2022

How do I find affordable assisted living for my elderly mother?

My mother, 85, was evicted from her out-of-state apartment a couple years ago. I went and got her and brought her to my home so that she wouldn't be homeless in the winter. That was shortly before the pandemic began and shortly after my 2nd partner died.

I am the sole caregiver. My mother and I both have chronic health issues. My mom's condition is getting to the point where I don't think I can handle this situation much longer. She has had mental health conditions for decades so that it would be hard to tell if she is getting dementia.

My intention when I brought her here to Rochester, NY, was to find some assisted living place for her, close enough so that I could visit her at least a few times per week and make sure she is okay. The places I looked at were so expensive, that they would have emptied her life savings in a few months. I'm told that Medicare, her only source of income, would not pay for assisted living housing.

I really don't have a clue what people do in this situation, when a parent needs some serious assisted living, but isn't wealthy.

Any constructive advice would be appreciated.

Assisted Living Paying for Care

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score 1 · Answer 1

Thank you Sig, you are right, you need to play the game if you will, be assertive and not timid to force your will on the situation.

Ooops, meant to post this as a reply to Sighopinion below.

Helpful Answer (1)

Yup, the social worker told me the exact same thing you just said.

In short too many people read the requirements and just cave when anything is possible. Sure the selection will be limited but beggers cannot be choosers.

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score 2 · Answer 2

It's very tricky if your parent doesn't medically qualify for nursing home care, but your goal is going to be to try to place her in one covered by LTC Medicaid. To qualify for Medicaid in a LTC facility, one must meet both medical and financial requirements. The financial part can be easily set up, or structured and planned for by spending/structuring assets. The medical part can be hard to get approval for if your parent can still do ADL's on her own (activities of daily living). The goal for you is to work to get your mom medically approved for LTC Medicaid. Your first step is to consult with her Dr. and see if she is close to qualifying or if he can recommend nursing home care. If not, you can be proactive by requesting that they refer a social worker for you. Relay your concerns to the social worker that you don't think you will be able to handle the caregiving much longer and need help. You may need to be persistent and assertive and stress that for your mom's safety you can't provide adequate supervision anymore.

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score 1 · Answer 3

Medicare is not income. It is healthcare and does not pay for assisted living. Is she an American citizen? She may qualiy for Medicaid which would pay or skilled nursing care. Apply for Medicaid.

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Sorry, I mis-wrote. What I meant to say is that Medicare won't pay for assisted living, and that Social Security is her only source of income.

At this point, she would not qualify for Medicaid because her savings are over the limit. And yet, if she did live in assisted living housing, her savings would be very quickly gone.

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score 0 · Answer 4

Get her Medicaid application done tomorrow. If you don't know how, then call someone from the Area of Aging in your county to be walked through it.

Medicaid is designed to step in only when the elder's assets are spent down. Whatever she has will get taken by them including the savings account. I wouldn't worry about that part. If you are not medically able to be her caregiver for free, she will have to go to a place where she does get caregivers for free.

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