How do I minimize feeling bad for moving away from my elderly, overwhelming, complaining mother?

She needs to be on medication. If her behavior is such to be refused at AL then she will need to go to SN which is much less enjoyable. She might benefit from talk therapy which could be covered by Medicare if that doctor accepts Medicare. I believe some may make visits to where she is. I know for a fact that ones did when my mother presided in AL before needing SN.

You need your life to be about your well being. You have given so much and the problems still exist. For your own sake don't sink anymore with this sinking ship. You could still make limited visits. The bottom line is no you can't take them in and provide all the care they require if you want to hold on to any sanity. You are not totally giving up on them but simply putting in place the care they require.

You have done enough. You placed Mom in a safe place. What you should not have done was agree to take her out. That should have been up to her to accomplish. Your brother? Doesn't he have a family. If so he needs to lean on them. Or, make plans now to go into a facility where he can be cared for. Both have options.

"No is a one word sentence"
"When saying no you are not responsible for the reaction received"

Get a list of resources available in your County for Mom and brother.
Tell them to start using the Senior bus provided for appts and shopping. Start backing off of doing for Mom.

Make your plans to move. Do not discuss when u plan on leaving. Just tell them they need to start making other arrangements. Because...you will no longer be doing anything for them. Make your move and when you get there call them and tell them you made it safely. At that point, block Mom and any relative you want. Do not give anyone your address. Enjoy your "me" time. You can check in when you want too. Do not be pulled into their drama.

You should not feel guilty in getting off this Merry Go Round. Guilt is self-imposed. You did your time. Now other brothers turn. I have Bi-Polar in my family. Both people refuse to medicate. One seems to deal with the depression etc when it hits the other is out there and cannot control herself. This is a mental disorder I am sure I could not deal with.

You have done what you could with no appreciation nor will you. You have worked hard to care for your family who are ur responsibility.

My new mantra...I am here to help people find a way, not be the way.

Your mother needs to move back to Assisted Living & take your brother with her so both of them can get the care they feel is needed. You've done enough; 15 years of everything you've done for her is PLENTY! It's someone else's turn now to do the hands on caregiving!

She also needs to be taking medication for bi-polar depression and then she'd likely FEEL better as a result, and need fewer trips back & forth to doctors! My step daughter is bi-polar and let me tell you, when she's not medicated, her behavior is SO off the wall, that I've told DH I REFUSE to deal with her entirely. And I've never made such a statement in my life before running into her! She'd be teetering along my 10' high stone wall out back at 3 am singing at the top of her lungs when she was in manic mode, and have her teeth bared & snarling at me when she was depressed. Done and DONE.

I love you mom, I just cannot devote any more of my life to YOUR needs; I must take care of MYSELF and MY life now, so that's why we're moving. You're entitled to a life of your own, free from all of this ongoing caregiving that has no end to it.

Wishing you the best of luck forging a new life for yourself and your family with no guilt! Your healthy brother can now step up and help out with mom and the brother with Parkinson's, so make sure HE gets POA for both of them.

You've been enslaved to your mother for long enough. It's time to stop.
You do not owe her any more or your life. Nor does your life and home have to be sacrificed to the needs of your mother and brother.
It's time for your mother to grow up and take some responsibility for herself and her own life choices. Your brother with Parkinson's is also a grown man. I know they are your family but they are not children and you are not their parent.
Explain to your mother that if she doesn't get a handle on her behavior the AL will put her into a nursing home. This is what they do. This is also what happens when residents of group homes lose control and the staff can't handle their behavior and many of them are criminals with histories of violence. Unless she has top-shelf insurance or is very wealthy, she's getting put into custodial care at whatever dump of a nursing home Medicaid pays for. So unless she wants to live with nut cases, dementia sufferers, and people tied in wheelchairs crapping themselves, she'll get her behavior under control.
Speak plainly to her and your brother and let them know on no uncertain terms that they WILL NOT be living with you. Then let that be the end of it. No guilting. No getting talked into something "temporary" with them. There's no such thing as a temporary living situation for you with your mother and brother. Don't do it.
Give them your other brother's phone number and let him take over for a while. Or call APS and let them become wards of the state. Stay strong for yourself because you deserve to have some peace and happiness in your life too.

She has been sucking the life out of you for 15 years. Do not let her keep doing it.

Tell them both that no, you won't be caregiving for them at your home. Period. No explanation needed, you will not be doing it. If you need to draw your mom a picture, let her know that if she signs herself out and shows up, you will be calling the cops. Whatever you need to say to get the message across, do it.

In fact, I'd go further. Tell her that if she doesn't get her behavior under control, meds or not, the AL will in time throw her out or transfer her back to a hospital. And from there you will not be picking her up but going with wherever the hospital puts her, which will be worse than where she's at.

She's still cognizant and for 65 years almost has been telling you to behave.

It's time that she learns to behave.