My mother refuses to go into aged care accommodation or move to live with me. She has cancer and last August was given 6 months to live. She barely has the strength to perform her own personal care these days. She is clearly weakening and can hardly lift her feet to walk. She falls. She has no strength left in her hands and has been going to the neighbours just to get the top off her tablet bottle. (She refuses to have the free medication blister packs). Called Webster Paks in Australia. I am her Medical and Financial POA. I supported her choice to remain living in her own home until now. I have been accompanying her to monthly doctors appointments where all she does is deny the obvious cancer symptoms, e.g. pain, exhaustion, weakness. But later complains to everybody and anybody. She has had cancer for 8 years and has largely refused treatment. I can no longer reason with my mother. Last December she agreed to call me if she felt severely ill,weak or in pain. Now I only find out days later when she smugly informs me that she had a "bad day" some days ago. She even said she had a plan to die at home. Alone ?? This I feel, I have a duty of care to prevent. I have "stepped back" and tried to allow events to unfold but the anxiety I am now feeling is getting me down.
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I think Countrymouse is right with what she says about this being your mother's decision; hopefully she changes her mind at some point and asks for help & you can get the ACAS assessment done quickly.
If she never changes her mind, then she was right.
If she does change her mind, then with the help of her GP and specialist cancer services near you you'll find things can happen really, really quickly.
So the nightmare scenario where she is alone and in agony and you can't get any help to her - won't happen.
There isn't really a conflict between common sense and freedom of choice because that isn't the question. This is about whose decision it is to make, and it's your mother's.
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"She has had cancer for 8 years and has largely refused treatment. ... She even said she had a plan to die at home. Alone ?? This I feel, I have a duty of care to prevent."
Sorry, no. Your mother's views have been consistently expressed and acted on for the last 8 years. Your duty as MPOA is to follow them through, even if that means her dying alone (but it probably won't have to mean that - see below).
Has your mother's doctor referred her (or you) to any hospice services? They are often able to step in quickly, when matters reach a crisis, and will certainly be able to offer you supportive, sympathetic advice.
I think the best thing you can probably do is to stop by to see mom every day, if that's possible. Find out if she needs anything, check up her to see that she's alright or not alright, and go from there. If she is not wanting to go to the hospital in the event she's dying, what ARE her last wishes? Find out. Then honor them. Does she have oxygen handy if needed? Pain meds if needed? IDK if hospice is available to her or if she would be interested in their services?
Sending you a hug and a prayer that mom passes peacefully without more pain or suffering to either one of you.
I believe this is something you need to take one day at a time, letting nature take its course, and making decisions for that day ON that day. I am so very sorry for all you are both going through.