How exactly is capacity determined? Where do I go to have Mum assessed?

I’ve been struggling to get POA for Mum not because she doesn’t want me to be her POA, but because she was/is stubborn! In her mind, she didn’t need a damn document to make official who it should be and that it should be "common sense" that it’s me! This wasn’t about her understanding but just pure stubbornness to have it her way as always. Then it was followed by, "I’ll do it but I don’t want to think of such things yet." Then finally I talked her into it by saying she is actually creating the opposite effect by being stubborn (as she doesn’t want the gov to be involved, she doesn’t think it’s any of their business) but now we are at a stage where she no longer writes and she has declined.

While her dementia is quite obvious and increasingly showing (i.e., she talks about dead people/fluctuating emotions), I do still have actual proper conversations with her as well. It all depends on the scenario and timing. There are also times that she will remind me about something that I have forgotten saying, “Didn’t you say you were going to do this yesterday?” She will notice the cats are hungry and suggest feeding. She will know that the beeping in the car means the seatbelt needs to be done up. She will tell me ice skating is on tv as she remembers I used to skate and still like watching it. Etc etc. What’s interesting too is that a recent MRI showed no difference to 1 year ago when in my mind she is worse. She is succesptile to constant UTI’s due to her bladder not emptying and also has grief.

My frustration is Mum does not want to go to the actual “dementia” clinic (never has as she is not one to face her problems/accept them) and her GP is not willing to assess her capacity. So where do I go to have her assessed? I’m due to go to a lawyer to discuss POA but my understanding is they’ll just request the same, that a doctor assess her?! Can a psychologist do it and I could encourage mum to go for grief sake? I could also pick a psychologist possibly that speaks her language/is familiar with the culture.

However, most importantly what I find irritating is that so far the staff we have dealt with downplay my Mum. I find it quite hurtful! She comes across more incapable and silly due to the fact that she doesn’t speak English and hides it under humour and even my doctor (who also knows Mum) doesn’t appear to believe I actually have conversations with her! Sigh! Just today when I said I’d been upset and Mum came to apologize, tap on my shoulder saying “It’ll be alright,” my doctor replied with, “Yeah, she doesn’t understand, she’s not there.”

I’m sorry, but doesn’t that show she is capable of understanding I’m hurting and that she is trying to comfort me?!? She may not know how to fix the problem, but she is showing the human trait of compassion and that I’m her daughter.

Basically she’s been made out to be dumber than she is and that really triggers me.

I'm not just saying this because I want it to be true! If she didn’t understand or wasn't able to have conversations with me, would I seriously bother to have them with her every night! It’s insulting to myself as well!

Even when she was in hospital and I was translating, Mum was answering my questions (in our own language) but later I saw the social worker had written on the files that Mum had trouble understanding me. She did not have trouble understanding me, ugh. She was answering the questions but I was drilling for more info like a good daughter does. I.e., if Mum said her head hurt, I’d narrow down and say where exactly etc. The social worker also questioned if Mum knew who I was. Mum answered but again in our own language after first being stunned why I (myself) was asking her such a question.

Rant over. If they think her current state is not enough to understand what POA is, so be it, BUT I wish they at least aknowledged her true level and didn’t downplay / lie on reports!

Has anyone experienced this with medical staff ? Or with people who communicate in another language?