Since my grandmother passed, grandpa has been taking it out on me. Advice?

It would be nice if he could hire a guy to spend a couple of mornings per week with him to run errands, take him to church, maybe go to a social event at a senior center. If you weren’t so available, he’d be more likely to accept this.

Call a social worker and get some In home help . A CNA ( certified nurse assistant ) or cleaning Lady , grocery shopper , get meals on wheels . Sometimes you have to take the laptop away - I did with My father who was watching Porn all the time . Call his doctor and see if he can get services like a visiting Nurse . Whose Father is this ? They should be doing the research and caretaking . Call Elder services and have a social worker find respite care ( adult day care ) or look into a social club . Can he garden ? Doing a physical activity takes them away from the computer . He isn't specifically angry with you - he Lost His wife and is frustrated so now is Obsessed with YouTube . If he has dementia he probably is just voicing His thoughts Out Loud. Is there a church near by or a senior center he can go to ? Don't take his anger personally it is part of the dementia . Read up on Dementia and get whose ever father this is to take him to His doctor and request a geriatric psychiatrist or neurologist to help with his anger . You need help . he needs help if he is having temper tantrums and throwing things . This is Not Psychologically good for your mental health either .

Grandpa has dementia, first off, and has also lost his wife, which adds to his pain & fear. Watching YouTube videos about 'end times' and talking about war is a fear producing thing; fear builds on itself and causes anxiety for an elder with dementia, and that's a bad thing. Grandpa isn't going to realize that 'preachers' on YouTube or anywhere else for that matter don't always have good intentions, or that watching all this crap isn't a healthy thing for him. Elders used to be able to watch the news on TV & believe what they heard; those days are gone now, sadly. So everyone has to be very selective about their news diet to begin with, never mind an elder with dementia who has to avoid a lot of news in the first place. Especially news about war and guns & violence. See about putting on DVDs of lighthearted subject matter that will keep the man relaxed and smiling.

He's not going to remember that you have to go to work, so wanting to talk to you & you not having the time will be met with resistance. Look into the daycare option that Ann Reid suggested; it's a great idea. Speak to grandpa's children who are in a position to get hired help in the house FOR him. He's going to need care and to not be left alone soon. You work, therefore he's alone, which is not ideal for a person with dementia. There is a lot of trouble he can get into at home alone!

See if your folks can get him to the doctor for some calming meds as well. It sounds like he's at that point in his disease where they can help a lot. If you plan to care for him and/or live with him and interact daily, you should learn all you can about dementia too so you can understand how HIS mind is working (or not working) these days. Check out this 33 page booklet which is a free download:

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Here's a list of helpful do's and don'ts from her booklet:

The “Dont's”
· Do not reason and argue
· Do not demand that they reason or problem-solve
· Do not demand that they remember
· Do not demand that they get their facts straight
· Do not correct their ideas or scold them
· Do not reorient them
· Do not think that they are being uncooperative on purpose
· Do not think that they really do remember, but are pretending not to
· Do not use a “bossy” dictatorial attitude in care
· Do not act with impatience

The Do's
· Enter into their frame of reality, or their 'world'
· Be aware of their mood or state of mind
· Use few words and simple phrases
· OR use no words, just friendly gestures and simple motions
· Do everything slowly
· Approach from the front
· Wait for a slow response
· Constantly reassure them that everything is 'OK'
· Keep people with dementia comfortable 'in the moment' - every moment
· Maximize use of remaining abilities
· Limit TV or radio programs which they may feel are frighteningly real
· Maintain privacy
· Provide a safe physical environment

Language Needs
· Use short words
· Use clear and simple sentences
· Speak slowly and calmly
· Questions should ask for a “yes” or “no” answer
· Talk about one thing at a time
· Talk about concrete things; not abstract ideas
· Use common phrases
· Always say what you are doing
· If they repeat their question, repeat your answer as you did the first time · Give them a longer time to process information
· Wait patiently for a response
· Be accepting of inappropriate answers and nonsense words
· Speak softly, soothingly and gently

Good luck!

Your profile says granddad has a Dementia. If so this is your problem. His short-term memory is going. He can't be reasoned with and they become self-centered. The death of his wife may have caused more decline. You need to make a decision because he will eventually not be able to live alone.

Where are his children? You need to get help from them. They are in a better place than ur to get him help. Do not put your life on hold for him. He will need more help than you can give him. From what you have written he is not going to be easy to deal with and it doesn't always get better as the Dementia progresses.

Sierra1154, one has to remember that your Grandfather had lost the love of his life, so he is heartsick. It is common to take out that anger on anyone who is nearby.

Try to lend him your ear, as it sounds like he just wants to talk.

Try to find something that Grandfather would be interested in. I found once my parents had passed, I dove into doing the family tree via Ancestry and it has done a world a good as it has been fascinating finding family, in-laws and some outlaws. My only regret wasn't doing this when my parents were alive to help answer questions.

Tell him that he needs to control his behavior for you to even think about being present. In fact why are you. There’s a whole generation ahead of you who will prob get his assets. Let him be their problem. Walk or better yet run away.

Do you happen to have access to Adult Day Care in your area? It sounds as though he’s very lonely, and used to having your grandma as his personal sounding board, and struggling (pretty unsuccessfully) to find a way to figure out what to do to fill his time.