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PeggySue2020 Asked March 2022

It’s not ok for rich old people to cry poverty to bully actual poor people into helping them. Thoughts?

My SO is a service plumber. Or put more nicely, a toilet guy. Big blue collar guy.


Old rich people take advantage of him all the time and yesterday and today he was at the absolute of breaking points. He goes down to some estate and they’re like omg it really cost 500 to get that depends out of there. imma gonna call my son right now. Oh in my day it would cost like 80. Yeah well your day was like 1975 so no one cares about your “fixed income” spiel as you’re in a 5m house on some country club.


Then the plumbing actually fell apart in his hands because they’d gotten it put together with caulk. Elmers. Toothpaste. He has to go over there again presumably for free and fix all of this to try to get what now amounts to five bucks an hour.


I told him to tell them that the job is gonna cost more. If they don’t like it, here’s the manager. It is unbelievable how much these elders try to use people who are blue collar. Unbelievable.

TChamp Mar 2022
The "old rich people"don't put a gun in his head to force him to be abused. He can defend himself and walk away from those bad situations. Each person is the master of his own environment. Don't blame others.

MarkMoore Mar 2022
I'm not sure it's "elders" so much as "rich people" who treat people like this.
lealonnie1 Mar 2022
So now you're putting 'rich people' under the umbrella of being cheapskates who treat all blue collar tradespeople like dirt?

I know of no 'poor plumbers' first of all, and second of all, Envy is one of the 7 Deadly Sins.

I really hate it when I hear people bad mouthing 'rich people' as if they're all horrible people who aren't even entitled to the money they have, or didn't work for it, probably just 'found it' or inherited it, even worse. Same as calling poor folks 'white trash' simply b/c they don't have all the money 'rich folks' do.

Labels hurt.

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notgoodenough Mar 2022
Why does your SO keep allowing these "old, rich people" to continue to take advantage of him? You have had the same complaint (under different circumstances) about your SO's parents, also taking advantage of him, monetarily speaking.

I think the question you need to be figuring out together is WHY is it so easy for these "old rich people" to guilt trip your SO into doing things for them which leave the 2 of you in a financial bind?

Maybe he could benefit from some therapy or life coaching to get him out of this mind frame. Until he does, however, I think you're going to be dealing with the same situation over and over again. Because it seems to me that he has a really hard time standing up for himself and telling people "no", especially when money is a consideration. And I don't really see that changing without some outside intervention.
PeggySue2020 Mar 2022
This is really good advice and something I’ve talked to him about. We agree that he’d be better off in some noncommissioned job at a government or nonprofit, because he just ain’t wired to be a mercenary.

For instance, right after this call yesterday, he got sent to some small private elementary school for an injured cat stuck in a pipe. If there was their main equipment is a gigantic metal motorized snake with fangs to gobble everything, and a machine that compresses water to fire hose proportions.

Someone who isn’t so talked this school into approving four hours of work for two people for this cat. Which it took nowhere near. SO couldn’t negotiate that himself as it would feel too wrong. But that same quality means he’s going to get shortchanged when he shouldn’t be.

I’ve been telling him that it is better to overestimate than not because his overestimates have been realistic. And to do it to everyone including old people. You are supposed to feel sorry for them but my god the aggressive needy demandy behavior in true senior brat style is unfortunately triggering in both of us.
PeggySue2020 Mar 2022
A lot of great responses here.

The incident reminds me of when I lived in sf. Next door neighbor was an old lady who had locked herself out. The locksmith came quickly and she went home but then my bell rung again with the two of them at the door and she claiming he had senior swindled her. I looked at the bill and it was in line with what I paid another company when I got locked out. I persuaded her to just pay him rather than call the cops. She insisted I take the extra key so she wouldn’t get ripped off, and next day showed up angry about how I had the spare key.

These types of seniors are angry. Really really angry. Even if they trust you one moment, they may not the next, and sometimes those feelings coexist.

Sighopinion Mar 2022
My favorite line is do you do payment arrangements or plans... my man that is what credit cards are for.

I use to build custom PC's back in college. Would use the engineering lab custom CNC stuff. Use to laugh my ass off when people would ask me to build a PC with 10k worth of parts then ask me if they can pay my labor in installments.

Tynagh Mar 2022
Have you considered that maybe, just maybe 1) you ran into some cheap idiots 2) they may live in 5M dollar house but don't have actual liquid income amounting to much 3) saying things cost less in the past takes nothing away from anybody so that IDK what your/his issue is, they didn't say they weren't going to pay...just that it was 4) the number of times the older folks have been taken advantage of by contractors/service people who decided to "boost" the rate because those old/rich people can afford it. It's a two-way street, hun. If he doesn't want to do the job, just say..."I'm sorry, I can't do it for that amount. Can we talk about a rate that will work for both of us."

Albigensian Mar 2022
One of the peculiarities of running a service business is realizing that most people don't mind paying for THINGS, but they just HATE paying for LABOR.

Rationally this makes no sense: after all, the reason why they called the plumber is because you either don't know how to do it or for some other reason are unable to do the work themselves. Nonetheless, that's a rock-bottom basic of human psychology.

Therefore, woe be unto the plumber who charges $1200. labor and $8.43 in parts for repairs: for this sort of bill will , in practically all customers, generate purple-faced, spittle-flecked RAGE.

In order for a service business to survive they simply must sell things along with the labor, and these things must be the sort of things that can be profitably marked up without arousing suspicion.

Most customers will be delighted that you only charged $200. to install a $900. toilet, but they'll be furious if you charge them $900. to install a $200. toilet. Even if it's the identical toilet and an identical installation. That's just the way most customers are.

So, that's 90% of the secret of operating a successful service business: not that you should sell materials that are not needed, but that you should offer to include a new toilet (or faucet, or sink) in the work, not by insisting the old can't be made to work but by offering the new as an upgrade, something nicer that they'd really like to have.

And, yes, it's unfortunate that one must be at least a little bit devious here. But, the alternative is a failed business. Customers don't know (and don't want to know) all the things a business must pay for- such as vehicles, a stock of common parts, advertising, etc., etc. But they do know how to scatter one-star reviews everywhere and, really, in the end you'll either have satisfied customers and a successful business, or unhappy customers and a failing business.

Ballpark Mar 2022
Maybe SO should start his own company if you’re so dissatisfied with the current one. The issues you’re having seem to stem from being an employee of a company whose policies you don’t agree with.
People of every income bracket are going to try to pay the least amount possible, including you and your SO. The issue is that SO has not stuck to his guns and you’re blaming the customer.
The size of their house is immaterial. The job should cost what it costs. If they don’t accept the bid, that’s not your SO’s problem. It is his problem when he gives too low a bid and people still expect quality work.
I would also suggest that this is not an appropriate question for this forum. You expect your SO to make more money than is currently happening. That is not the elderly population’s problem or fault. SO needs to change. People are allowed to negotiate. Your SO being a poor negotiator does not make his customers bad people.
MJ1929 Mar 2022
👏👏👏
MJ1929 Mar 2022
Sorry, but if you think "oldsters" living in big houses are obviously rich, you're as oblivious to their lives as you think they are to yours.

First, a house may be worth a lot of money, but unless you know some way to get money to come out of those taps, that home value means nothing when it comes to paying for things. It isn't a liquid asset, so no, it doesn't pay the bills.


Second, if they have lived in that house for a while it’s entirely possible that they bought it for much much less than what it’s worth now. My own parents bought their house for $45,000 in 1968 (paying their $250 mortgage payment for 30 years) and it’s worth $2 million now. That didn't happen because they were rich but because real estate in California went nuts. That house also still has the "newly remodeled" kitchen from 1968 (my dad updated the original 1930 one -- by himself, I might add), and until four years ago when we had to remodel so my parents could stay in the house, the bathrooms were also circa 1930. The entire time I lived in that house growing up we had no heat in the upstairs, because the furnace went out and we couldn’t afford to replace it. It went out in 1970, and it wasn’t replaced until 1987. The roof leaked and was original until 2007 when the plaster ceiling finally fell in in the front room. This house is a tear-down.

In short, a lot of elderly people are almost trapped in their homes because it's too difficult to move, property taxes would be higher in a new property, and the expense of a move is significant. Repairs, too, are often prohibitive, so yes, things are often fixed with spit and toothpaste if necessary to just keep things running, because they may be living on a fixed income like every other old person.

The financial situation of "rich" people isn't always what you think. Perhaps your husband needs to work on his "bedside manner" to do a better job of explaining charges and what they're for.
PeggySue2020 Mar 2022
Oh I completely understand how real estate works in hot areas of California, considering I live in the silicon valley. Im completely familiar with what prop 13 is as well.

It is hilarious given that I live in a neighborhood that was solid blue collar until maybe 2015. All us blue collars genuinely chuckle at the apple engineers driving our house prices up while we’re all swapping labor that’s mostly freelance. But you still have to pay and we all know that.

Mj, these guys’ whole house was in a state of deferred maintenance. If I had that chunk of change and a helpful son I’d get him to invest in getting the house Airbnb ready while I moved to Sacramento or the Valley as it preserves sons prop 13 rights. Or I would do it myself or pay for it.

These cats literally live in the same small town where the best creme de la creme ccrc is already! I’m serious, nice condos plus guest quarters plus guest lecturers from Stanford plus three real prepared chef meals plus plus plus, If I could just sign my house over right now in exchange for that level of care, maybe I would!

My so needs to work on his manner to thrive in his position, that’s for sure. But not in the way you think. He needs to tell ppl that he can try to fix something in an hour, it often happens, but it could be three, and if they choose to dismiss him after an hour, they still owe him for it finished or not.
lisatrevor Mar 2022
How are they "bullying" him into anything? Bullying involves threat of force, physical or emotional. They either agree to the quote or not. If not they don't get the service. If there is a minimum charge he should be sure when they initially call that they know what that charge is and that it can not be negotiated.

I lived in a wealthy community for a number of years. What was surprising is that a pecentage of people who live in the million dollar houses and mansions are not millionaires or even have a ready cash on hand to pay a large bill! Some of these people are renting. Others may be living there under some strange arrangement with the owners. Some may have several or more people living in the property who are sharing a portion of the property expenses. These people look rich but are not! Same with luxury car owners.

Really though, in my expereince, the people in that community mostly had integrity and paid their service bills without negotiating, unless something was off or it was something customary to be negotiated.
PeggySue2020 Mar 2022
Lisa, most bullying doesn’t involve physical force. It is mostly psychological, and yes that is partially on him. But then I look at his position where he was already out all this drive time. He could get 80 or get zero and did fix the main line clog, the reported problem. When the plumbing turned to disintegrated 20 year old caulk, they stuck that problem on him too. So he decided to cut his losses by just doing that repair for parts only and not labor so he could get the 80. He even took off the runaround time to get the parts but said his company would have to charge them 160 percent of what he bought.

It came to 560, about, and the oldsters were braying and crying about how they were ripped off even after so politely pointed out he’d just saved them about 1200. The old mans hands were literally shaking with rage to the point it took him 10 minutes to write out a check. It only took them 2 hours to call his manager and complain about the latest thing, which is that a cosmetic plate wasn’t affixed to the wall. It had never been as the joint makes it physically impossible. There are no leaks around it but missus now thinks mice will get into it. The manager was super apologetic to so and they negotiated that he would go back out there one more time to basically caulk around it. Now that they got the manager, the manager is all on his side, but the after tax income for him is gonna be maybe seven bucks an hour.

oh, these peeps were not renting. They regaled him stories of the business they built to get this retirement. He may have gone by there in his local childhood, but whatever.
Isthisrealyreal Mar 2022
Actual poor people, hahaha, I have never met a poor plumber.

One of the challenges that elders have is living above their means. That house they could easily afford when working, is now a drain on their fixed income. Many never plan for emergencies and any maintenance or repair bill does create financial chaos.

If people would actually look at what it costs to live in and maintain a big fancy home, they would probably down size sooner then later. I see it in my neighborhood all the time, they can no longer do the things needed and never considered this added expense when they couldn't do it. So, houses start getting rundown and exterior maintenance goes to naught.

It is actually a very sad situation to see. I can't imagine the fear these poor souls live in.

Not all seniors are in the above. Some do think that ALL of their assets should be preserved for??? and everyone should contribute to their well-being at others expense. I hate getting a call for a free ride to an expensive home. I feel like they could sell their expensive home and leave the free services for those that actually have the need.

People are funny critters.
PeggySue2020 Mar 2022
The way most 24/7 places work is that that the tech only gets 18 percent of what the total charge is, if you get them to pay at all. So for a normal drain that costs 450 with senior discount, he’d get about 80 before tax. It’s very difficult to drive away from that 80 when it’s taken almost a three hour round trip to get there and back.

He did tell them it would have been 1700 but he was giving them a break. They called his shop manager instead. So now he’s gotta go back there.
JoAnn29 Mar 2022
This company is wrong by not making it known when a client calls what it is going to cost. This should not be left up to the plumber doing the work unless he is the owner. I just had someone in for my dryer. It cost me $100 just to have him walk in my door. I was charged an hours labor and parts, which was a belt. He was here 1/2 hour. But, I was told this going in. $100 service fee, xtra parts and labor. Really ur SO could have charged them more knowing they were well off. He needs to tell them he is charging the same he charges to the person who is on SS alone.
Isthisrealyreal Mar 2022
I agree. I have never hired any repair or maintenance company that didn't charge for everything. Especially when the job is different then what the service call was made for.

I talked to a plumber that wanted 2,500.00 to jet my moms pipes. Uh, really? Didn't you even learn that you can't jet 75 year old cast iron pipes? He would have torn all of the pipes to bits, at our expense and nightmare, I mean inconvenience.

PS: I got the job done for less then 500.00 and nobody blasted her pipes to bits.
freqflyer Mar 2022
lealonnie1, it is interesting about some mechanics. If we bring in a car the mechanic starts chatting to my sig-other and this or that about the car, and I am thinking they are talking to a guy who has trouble finding the windshield wiper in his vehicle. My sig-other will quickly say, you need to talk to my wife :)
lealonnie1 Mar 2022
Smart SO you have there FF! :) Idiots who profile women as being 'too stupid' to understand anything about cars, well, they have a thing or two to learn!
Sighopinion Mar 2022
The fixed income card, love it. I know of an electrician and he has told me stories about people that pull the fixed income card, and he just tells them idc what comes of your life due to paying for my services your sob story is your story, keep it that way.

People that feel the better to barter and negotiate price are kinda annoying to me personally. Shop around elsewhere if you want but do not try to haggle with someone. Respect their price and them, just my two cents.

Geaton777 Mar 2022
Back in the 80s and 90s my mother was an RN in a hospital in West Palm Beach, FL. She took care of many "old money" people, and some very famous ones, too. Many were very generous to her, but mostly she said they were "tighter than a chicken's a$$". Some wealthy people have money because they're frugal. They don't keep up on economics so are shocked to find out the cost of services they've not used in a while. I'm not excusing their attitude, but my mom is now one of those elders who think services should still be at 1950s prices.

FYI your SO is not under any obligation or pressure (or gun pointed at head) to continue to do business with such people. As a small business owner myself, I strongly recommend he have a minimum trip charge, and get paid only with credit cards (no invoicing) immediately after he completes the work. This is what literally every service person does that I've ever hired recently. If your SO doesn't change his basic practices and continues to get screwed, then that's on him.

lealonnie1 Mar 2022
On the other hand, what about the car mechanic guys who are out to scam the ladies about what's wrong with their vehicle they brought in for an oil change? My DD's best friend called my DH in a giant panic yesterday. She brought her car in to the mechanic for something simple; he told her the head gasket was blown, which was a bald faced LIE! If such a thing were true, the car would not be driving at all. She drove the car home & called DH; he asked her, how is the car driving (it's a brand new car, btw, 6 months old with 5K miles on it), she said FINE, he said, the mechanic is BSing you. She had a feeling that was the case & was relieved she'd called someone honest. Not to mention, if the car had such a problem, it was under warranty ANYWAY which this 'mechanic' should have told her in the first place!

The plumbing job costs what it costs; if the elderly client wants the toilet fixed, the price is X and shouldn't be padded for the client's attitude. By the same token, the client has a right to call around for a better 'deal' if she thinks your SO is trying to hose her. If she wants the toilet fixed, cough up the $$$! Services have gone way up these days in price. "In my day", cigarettes were $.35 cents in the machine at the grocery store and gas was $.49 a gallon if that. Houses were $15,000 which today wouldn't get you a window replaced in that same house.

People in general are cheap and looking for a deal. There are con-artists out there, too, however, so it's important to call reputable service companies to do jobs. That's not to say your SO is a con man or trying to hose this client. But in today's world, we all have to be skeptical and careful about EVERYTHING.

Blue collar folks (like I've been my whole life and my family) have always been looked down upon by some of the white collar folks. It's funny though that when these folks NEED the blue collar workers of the world, then they're changing their tune, huh? :)

Me, when it comes to my toilet, I'll pay whatever I HAVE to pay to keep it runnin' properly! But then again, my blue collar hubby does the vast majority of our plumbing here at the house, thankfully! He just replaced our sump pump by himself which saved us A LOT, I'm sure.
PeggySue2020 Mar 2022
There are a lot of unscrupulous crooks out there, I agree. And lots of companies who act unscrupulously too. It’s not like ppl get paid all of what they quote if they are working for someone else. Not even a fifth if they’re lucky.

My SO has a heart for old people that remind him of his parents. Who do the same sponging off him. They had this big job that would have made him three grand but decided to pay that all to another company. Their right for sure, but about a month later they’re calling him to root out some line that had a rat in it. You would think they would pay him at least the commission but nah they’re just too entitled.
AlvaDeer Mar 2022
This is so cute. I live in SanFrancisco, and admittedly we are OLD folks. But oh, dear, oh my. I keep saying to the partner, Why did we help the grandson through college; we could have apprenticed him to a PLUMBER. We love our plumbing guys. We have a lower unit we rent, and we live in the upper of this two flat building and it was built before Victoria! 1870s. So you can just imagine. It's always something. We depend on our plumber because he's great. Works with his brother, and the help they have hired; ALWAYS has more work than they can handle, are immigrants to this country. And yikes, they are worth their weight in gold and just about charge that.
The times are a changin. A good fencer, a good roofer, a good mechanic, a good tile setter. Truly worth their weight in gold, and to get one it is down on the knees, and beg, and you better be willing to pay.
You gave me a tickle. We oldsters DO have a hard time; add in inflation and we are kinda reeling. And I can imagine his supplies right now-- hopefully he can GET them as we can't find a faucet airater or whatever they call them anywhere--must be going up just like that can of 14 oz tomatoes which was 97cents a few months ago and is now 2.19 on a sale. But I for one sure do love my plumber(s).
PeggySue2020 Mar 2022
Your plumbers go to Menlo Supply or CalSteam when they can’t get the parts out of Home Depot. It’s not like they check for a license either.

So anyway, SO came home after fixing their plumbing and going down to some private elementary that complained of, get this, an injured cat in the pipes. Well considering what huge rooting snakes and jets do, no animal would survive this, but the tech who started the job quoted them four hours of plumbing labor, so 1200. They put a camera in the line and no cat, so therefore they still got the 1200. My SO has a hard time being that mercenary for himself, and he would try to be fair, which makes him poorer for it.

He came home and then there was a manager call. The old people had called back hysterical claiming that he had left leaking pipes. Well once manager got them calmed down, the issue is that there’s a gap between a plate and the drywall. There is literally no way to make it flush, which he observed prior. Well now the old bats are saying that a mouse could crawl into it. So it’s gonna be another call to spray some caulk around the gap. Which I agree he should have done beforehand but these old people were so hostile he just wanted to get out.
freqflyer Mar 2022
PeggySue2020, everyone, rich or not wants the deal of the century. It doesn't matter if we live in an estate or living not in a large home. We just like a deal :)

Whenever a call comes into the plumbing shop, the person who answers the phone should explain there is a fee for coming out to the house, and if parts are needed that will cost, plus labor for time over the visiting fee. Could be the elders aren't paying full time and attention, they are just worried about the plumbing problem.
PeggySue2020 Mar 2022
There actually isn’t that system in place, not at his dispatch or anyone else’s. They will just dole out the calls and it will be on the tech to then deal with them.

It is a Ponzi scam for sure, and it is absolutely unacceptable when it does happen with anyone, but old people are among the worst when it comes to paying skilled trades. The whining. The oh, I may have known your mom in high school. Whatever they have to say to not pay.

You see it here too with these entitled elders and their heirs too. Like there are people who have the gall to post publicly about how they need tree work for a paid off house, and then ppl chiming in that there some Boy Scout troop or church or whatever to do it for free. It’s not everyone else’s burden to fix that or your water heater or pool for free.
Becky04489 Mar 2022
My Mom used to pull the I'm on a fixed income routine. I got fed up with the act. I called the plumber and other trades people and asked them to call me or send the bill to me and I would pay. She fussed nonstop about me spending too much money on repairs. But that was better than being embarrassed by her cheap behavior. The people who do the work should be paid fairly.

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