Did caregiving permanently ruin your relationship with your siblings?

I will not be in contact with my sibling after this hard difficult task is finished.
I will not be in contact with the extended family that haven't made much effort.
Some families might recover but mine isn't because this has just been too hard and difficult to do basically by oneself. I don't want to hear excuses. So I will take my husband's hand and walk through the door and close it behind us and walk back into our own life.

Screw your relationship with your siblings. What you should be asking is if you will have any husband on the other side of this experience.

The elders of your family have ample resources and a wide network of potential caregivers. They don't need you. Assuming that your husband still thinks he does, I recommend you pack up and go home.

Honestly, you have to go into this with the mindset that "This is what I am willing to do" and not care what everyone else is or isn't doing. Keeping score will never end well.

There is no reason why you should be living away from your husband....or that other relatives should be doing lawn care. Step dad needs to sell his place if he can't take care of it and get a senior apt or independent living. Do you realize you are giving up your life so his doesn't have to change? Why?

Caregiving my mother was the icing on a bad relationship with my brother. He did nothing to help and a lot to hinder.

I lived my life as a nurse. It never occurred to me to do in home care for any of my relatives; in all truth I was not raised to be expected to do it, and my limitations (mental) would never have allowed me to take that on. What care I gave I gave TO a sibling, my brother, who was diagnosed with probable early Lewy's Dementia. I was his POA and the Trustee of his Trust, helped him sell his last home, helped him find an ALF, paid all his bills and handled his finances during his illness, and settled is estate after his death. I was his ONLY sibling.
So let me ask you to look at it this way. What if you HAD no siblings.
None at all.
It's just you.
Would you have taken on all this care? Because it was you who took it on. It was your choice. And I think the hard time comes when we see what we are doing to OURSELVES and to our own immediate nuclear family through OUR OWN CHOICE.
Yes, I was very lucky. My parents worked hard and they saved even harder and they got themselves in places with care that increased by need when they were elderly. And my brother and I loved one another deeply all our lives. While the managing as POA and Trustee was something I had to learn from scratch I was handling the estate of a very organized and agreeable man, and I am of an organized bent myself. I consider myself very very lucky indeed.
But I am going to ask you to let your siblings out of the picture, out of the equation and not look at it with them in mind. We have on Forum seen HORRIBLE siblings who cheat and steal the parents until there is nothing left while one struggles to care for them. We have seen siblings as war trying to tear their parents apart before they die. We have seen dreadful things. And it is hard for siblings to work together and to share care. But at last, at the final countdown you are left with your own choices. You are caring for parents one after another to the detriment of your own health and well being and that of your family.
I would suggest counseling. This isn't about your siblings. If they didn't exist this would be all about you in the most clear way. And ultimately it is about you. You have to come to terms with the fact that this is your ONE LIFE and you are going to have to face up to the grief of not being able to do it ALL.
I am a caregiver by nature and I know how this can hurt, but trying to do it all is putting yourself on an altar that brings grief to yourself and others.
I am so sorry. Many here face daily how tough this is all. You are going to get lots of sympathy from those who suffer as you do and suffer worse. I wish you the very best.

Sometimes you just have to remove your toxic siblings from your life. I have taken care of my mom for almost 6 years, basically sole caregiver. She is now going into assisted living. Her house has been sold and I am packing it up currently all by myself. Not that I expected any help. 3 more weeks and I will never have to deal with my brother again. All those years of begging my brother for help with her are almost over. It’s sad, but some siblings only think about themselves. I’m at peace knowing I have done the best for my mom all these years. I have no intentions of ever speaking to him again. Good luck and hugs

Why on earth are you doing this?

I’m so sorry you lost your dog. Sibling alienation, that’s what I’ve been (& am) going thru. I’ve cut ties with my 3 siblings.. They’re toxic. I don’t see me ever having them back in my life. I’m ok with that because it is best for me.

I have two words for you; go home! You are putting your health, life and marriage in jeopardy. It sounds like your father has the resources to handle his care.

I don't have any real relationships left. All of my siblings are older than me. I have an older sister who is currently in a nursing home. As far as I'm concerned, she is being well taken care of. She has a house and five living children. I think one of them left the caregiving scene. The daughter is the youngest and apparently had been taking care of her mom's responsibilities. Another one is living in another state who holds the POA. I get a call from my dad's stepdaughter about my sister's house. I didn't return the call. My doctor had placed on on bedrest that week due to an extremely high blood pressure that was in stroke range. Did I call those folks back? Nope. They are grown adults. They can handle it. I did my share of caretaking when I was younger. According to society, I will be in that old person's category. So, since the so-called stepfamily couldn't reach me, my sister's kids called my brother who is about thirteen years older than me to take on a POA for my sister. I didn't call him back to find out what he decided. He doesn't see any reason to stay in contact with me, and I don't press it. He is an old man.

Family members don't care about the shape you are left in after you are divorced, lacking resources, and your life is in total shambles after these caregiving experiences. One thing I learned is that nursing homes can be the best alternative when a caregiver had done all that they've done. Tell these folks you can no longer do this, and go no JADE. JADE means no justifying, no arguing, no defending and no explaining. You don't owe people your life. It's okay to walk away. Find a nursing agency who can send an aide out to help him and turn this over to someone else.

As far as I’m concerned I no longer have a sibling. That bond is broken forever…….there’s nothing left for him at all!