Mom and I just don’t get along anymore. Any advice?

"It’s just not worth it to me anymore because the only time that she kinda half way treats me decent is when she wants me to do work around her home."

Tell us more. How old is she? What kind of work do you do around her home, and how often? How far away do you live, and how far away is favored brother? Does he also do things for her?

Beware that as time goes on and if you are the close one or the only one who helps her, that she will expect more and more from you. What's going to happen then? You mention walking away permanently - consider doing that before she becomes more needy. Let her then badger favored brother.

Become your own mother. Nurture your own health and well-being. Surround yourself with people who challenge you to be your best: people capable of giving and receiving love. They are out there! Utilize your talents to give in some way (big or small) to your community. I promise you the rewards will rebuild your spirit from the inside out. (((Hugs)))

TroubledWaters1,

You sound exactly like me, only with money. You didn't do anything wrong. Your mother did.
Not being able to stand her is not something that happened yesterday. Dementia can't be blamed here. Your mother set the tone for what your relationship with her was going to be a long time ago. Way back before you became a successful adult who takes six vacations a year (Nice). Think back to when TroubledWaters was just a little troubled stream. It would have meant a lot for mom to have given you some validation because kid wants that from their mom. You didn't get it. I didn't either and neither of us ever will.
You reap what you sow in this life. Your mother is the farmer her. She chose not to sow the seeds that would turn into a loving and healthy relationship with you. She chose not to tend to that relationship and cultivate it in the growing season when you were a kid. Resentment and indifference is her harvest. You don't owe her a damn thing and should not have a moment of guilt for not doing for her.
I'm sending you a hug right now because I know how that is.
Your mother is old and needy now and is decent to you when she has need. Any good deed you do her, is for you not her. It's for your heart and to keep you from having any guilt about your mother. You don't owe her though and if she gets to nasty and vicious cut her out of your life.

Lots of good points by hereIam. If you have to break ties permanently, do it. Don't allow an old abusive woman steal your life.

It's sad, but you should totally block her in every way possible. There is no reason to put up with her crap and have her put you down, especially in front of people.

IF you decide to have some level of a relationship with her, you will need to set strict boundaries. Limit the frequency and duration of all kind of interactions.
WHEN she starts up, tell her that you are no longer tolerating that kind of talk and you are hanging up/leaving now. And then go. Do not further explain or argue.

Good luck.

I’m a man. Luckily, I have no abusive people in my life.

I’m constantly surprised by how common it is, for mothers to be mean to their daughters.

Here are my thoughts, OP:

—your mother is jealous of you. Why? Because you’re a girl. You can’t stop her jealousy.
—she’ll always mistreat you. It’ll never stop.
—Look at your face. Unhappy?…Look at your body. Stress eating? It’s no accident.
—Mean mothers will try to destroy you, physically and mentally.
—I repeat: it’s no accident.
—It’s intentional.
—You’ll get older. Time will pass. Don’t let her destroy you, steal your youth.
—She’ll terrorize, put you down, your whole life.

Find good solutions please.

I am going to be blunt, your Mom does not know how to love you and probably never will. You will need to satisfy yourself with this fact and move on. If Mom was anyone else, would you go out of your way for them or even be friends? I have a SIL who if she was not a SIL I probably wouldn't even have her as a friend. I would distance myself from her which I have. Like u it was a 10yr stretch.

Yes, time to walk away. Block her. Ghost her because if u try to explain how she hurts you, it will fall on deaf ears. Be happy, with what you have accomplished and the good friends u have made and will make.

It's not a matter of who is right or who is wrong. You both have different "chemistry" and you will never get along. It's OK to divorce your mother for the benefit or both.

Good for you. Get on with your life. We have two chances with family, the one we are born into, and the one we MAKE.
Make good friends who value and love you. Leave your Mom to her son, your brother, or in fact, leave her to heaven.
Get on with your life. It is past time to make that decision. You mention several marriages so I think it has taken you some time to come to this conclusion. Know that our habitual ways of reacting forms paths in our brain that are difficult to diverge from to form me paths, new habits. If you think you need help a good solid counselor can help you comb out the crucial facts and help you to move on.
As you make new decisions and get new outcomes you will be proud and happy with yourself.
Very best of luck to you moving on.

Good for you. Just because she gave birth to you doesn't give her the right to be a toxic, hateful human to you.

Take care of you and let her figure her own life out.