What to do when a parent wants to give you money?

Seems so much go-around on this question. GNarley, I think an attorney has already told you what you can legally charge for your services, here.
Do I think that is a small amount? Yes. I do. Especially when it is legal for you to hire a Fiduciary and pay about 100.00 an hour for him or her to do what you are doing.
But that, often, is the law with these things. If the Attorney told you 1% that is likely the truth. We can ALL be MAD as heck at him or her, but that is likely the truth.
Here's the good news. You can hire THREE attorneys and pay them ALL out of your Mom's POA account to give you their own opinion. Then you can take the advice of the one you like the best. That's legal, too.
OR you can hire a Fiduciary to take some of this burden off of you. That's legal. Hire one to do the bill paying and calls regarding the phone company; hee hee, that's where I spent all my time.
OR, you can ignore whatever anyone says and you can work out charges on your own, keep meticulous records of them; I don't know who will question you regarding this after the death of your elder. But if someone does, and you have been vocal about being advised against this, you might owe all that money back, so be careful.
I am not saying any of this is fare. But you have seen a Lawyer and been told what is legal in your case. So there you are. Relieve yourself of some of this work. The anger will leave with the work.
Again, I have done this. I understand fully what a lot of work it is. No one is saying you are WRONG. Just be certain you are LEGAL. We have your best interests at heart.
You woke up angry. I can't tell you the number of times I woke up anxious if I could sleep at ALL the night before. Believe me, I sympathize. My heart goes out to you.
Just be certain you are Legal in your State, and on you go.

Someothing's amiss here. (I've read the responses but am skipping addressing any of them b/c what I'm remembering about assisting the Trustee (or apparently Successor Trustee), or other recipients pursuant to a Trust is that allowances of certain amounts can be provided for in the Trust.

I don't know about CA; perhaps this isn't allowed, but I don't understand why not since the original Settlor (individual who created the Trust) has the right to provide for funds distribution to family, as he/she sees fit.

I've never heard of a 1% maximum annual distribution, but w/o seeing the actual language, I'm not sure what the real intent would be. And I suspect there are some complimentary or restrictive applications that haven't yet been addressed here.

It might be that a monthly stipend needs to be distinguished between compensation for trust management, or just because the Settlor wants to compensate someone in the family for miscellaneous assistance.

What kind of attorney raised the 1% issue? A single practitioner?

“What to do when a parent wants to give you money?”

give it to me :).

(just kidding) (hope you find a good solution OP)

perhaps you can accept it, and then secretly return it?
Keeping her dignity will definitely keep her young and fresh for longer. In addition to that, she'll enjoy the remainder of her life feeling like a respected human being.

If Mom isn't competent to write checks and handle her finances, she's not competent to give away large sums of money either.

I realize you're trying to give her her dignity, but you're confusing dignity with comepetence. Her caregivers cannot ethically accept tips or gifts, so that shouldn't be allowed no matter what. If she wants to pay for a lunch out for you or your sister, that's fine, but that's it.

Gnarley, I would submit a bill for your expenses and time. It shouldn't cost you money to perform your duties as Trustee or POA. Being reimbursed is NOT considered self enrichment.

Doing A&A doesn't fall under the Trustee or POA duties.

Trustee work is specific. I would research the state statutes for your state regarding all 3 positions and proceed from there.

Of course your mom can have money. You just want to keep an eye on how much she is going through and what it is being used for. She could be hiding it, throwing it away, giving it away or who knows what, that's why you want a general idea of what it's being used for. I made sure my dad always had a couple hundred dollars in his wallet. It made him feel better and he liked to go to the grocery store, Walmart and take his roommate out to eat. I never worried unless he spent it all in a couple of days. He claimed that an aide stoled most of it, once. Could of happened but, I made a report and it didn't appear to be an issue again.

Please get yourself educated on what your state laws are for the positions you hold.

By the time Mom was in the AL there was no need for her to have any money. She was too far into her Dementia to go shopping on the bus. My Mom would tell me someone had asked her for money. I tell her I didn't have any on me. The only people who would have gotten Moms money was another resident or an unscrupulous staff member.

As POA you are there to protect Moms money too. But, if you do give her a few bucks I really don't think Medicaid is going to question it.

I gave Medicaid 5 yrs of bank statements. Out if those 5 yrs of statements the caseworker pulled 4 a year. I wrote myself a check monthly for any out of pocket I had. Since copies of checks are included with the statements Medicaid saw my check and never questioned it. They will question a 2000 gift. Moms tithing was never questioned. Checks to grandchildren for like $25 was noy questioned.

You are entitled to compensation from your parents' trust if you are the person who administers it. The same as a POA or a conservator is entitled to be paid for any services they provide for a person.
Consult with the probate court in your area on how much you can collect for your services.
Then speak with an attorney. If caring for your parents' and handling their affairs has caused you financial hardship, you may be entitled to be paid back for lost wages at work or other income lost due to your duties as administrator and trustee of their Trust.
If they owe you money that they borrowed for some reason, you can submit a bill to the trust to get paid. I hope you save things like receipts and cancelled checks.

You or one of you is the POA? You should be keeping files, and records of every penny in and every penny out for Mom. If she has a small spending account of her own that is lovely. My brother wanted that and wanted me then to be responsible for everything.
So this is a real easy one. You keep a diary. Let Mom write a check on her personal account to you (I am sure she doesn't keep actual cash and shouldn't where she is living). Then record that, and redeposit that check into your Mom's account on which you are POA or endorse to your sister to be deposited if SHE is POA. Or start your own account and put that cash into it.
And yes, you will need those files, folders, monthly statements and monthly accountings to show to Medicaid if it's ever needed.
That way you have accepted NO money. But Mom thinks that you have.
But under no circumstances do I think you should take this money while Mom may need it.
Now if this is reimbursement, or is "payment" in some way, that needs to go through an attorney and contract and you claim that money on your taxes and etc. You cannot as POA enrich yourself. If it is your Sis who is POA SHE cannot. Same goes for a Trustee. This is a Fiduciary responsibililty.
Bringing to the fore the easiest way of all to address this which is "Sorry Mom, we are Fiduciaries and we can't legally accept anything from you at all." End of story.
You should keep, as I said , meticulous records monthly of every penny in and every penny out of Mom's assets, and what it is spent on.
Wishing the best to you. I was Trustee and POA for my brother. It's a job and one half!

Gnarley, best to speak with an Elder Law Attorney, as this can be complex if Mom should ever need to go onto Medicaid/Medi-Cal.

Whenever I drove my parents to appointments or shopping in my vehicle, they always insisted that I pull into the gas station and they would pay for the gas. They didn't have to do that, but it made them happy and less imposing on me. So I wouldn't worry if your Mom wants to do that for you.

No, Mom cannot gift large sums of money but there is no reason she can't take someone out to lunch. I don't think Medicaid is that strict. If your sister takes her to her appts or shopping thats an expenditure that I feel is OK. Just make sure sister gives u a receipt. Medicaid does not nick pick. They are looking for large sums of money. I did everything by check. So Medicaid saw Moms money coming in and going out.