Mom, 92 with mild dementia and severe hip osteoarthritis, kinda gave up last November after my dad passed. She has been saying for months she has had a good life and is ready to go and was withdrawing, not eating much. The in-house NP felt she was depressed so in February started her on Cymbalta. Mom had a terrible reaction and med was stopped immediately.
The NP is concerned about pain management, and combined with the weight loss and spending so much time in bed, suggested hospice/palliative care. I chose the hospice, as I thought the extra level of attention would be helpful I live 200 miles away and was coming up every week for 3days. The ALF is very nice, but staff can only be so attentive to her growing needs. I had option to transfer her to the skilled nursing on site, which is where dad spent the last 2 months of his life, hated it, and Mom is adamant she wants to stay in her ALF room, her home. So, I have decided I can be a good companion/caregiver/loving familiar face. Since she is declining, it has been a good decision. She is grateful, its helping keep her cared for at a level she deserves, and we've had some precious time together.
Here's where I will appreciate your thoughts, idea, and opinions. Tell me how you kept your spirits up, caregiving/comfort hints for a dying person, addressing emotions when it feels like a sibling is not supportive.
At the very least, I am sitting around a lot, I've been here 12 days, so I'm also looking to just share experiences, so I don't feel so alone. Thank you 🙏
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Then I will say that because you are now there, you may find that your mom will start improving more and her death may be prolonged because you're giving her such great care.
That's what my husbands hospice nurses told me when he was under their care for the last 22 months of his life, that because he was home and I was giving him such good care that it most likely prolonged his death. But I didn't care, as it gave me an additional 22 months to spend with the man I loved, just like you will be able to spend quality time with your mom.
Plus only God knows the day and time when He will call her home, so I would say to just enjoy every minute with her and make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid. Remember each day you have together is a gift. And if you feel like crying, then cry. Tears are healing for the soul, so don't try and keep them in. You are now in the anticipatory grief stage, probably have been for some time now, but soon enough you will be in the full on grief stage when she passes, so again please just enjoy whatever time you have left with her, and allow yourself to feel your emotions as they arise.
God bless you my dear.
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