Dying to get INTO my husband's nursing home. What can I do?

Unfortunately, your "Christianity" is not going to help you get into a Skilled Nursing Facility when you have no physical needs to warrant you BEING in a Skilled Nursing Facility. The best thing you can do, short of running out in traffic, is to go visit your husband every day & spend time with him. Then you can make sure his oxygen cannula is on properly, at least. Maybe have your meals together every day, and just hold hands.

I'm sorry you're in such a position, but I don't wish you to 'have a NEED' to go into a Skilled Nursing Facility simply so you two can be together. Wishing sickness or mobility issues upon yourself isn't really a good idea, no matter how noble the reason.

Best of luck to both you and your hubby.

I saw on the news that a wife took a job as a dishwasher in the same facility as her husband was placed.. She wanted to be close to her husband in care during covid lockdown.

Accept God’s will. He may be giving you what you need, not what you want. And time to adapt to changing circumstances. And the means to accept you aren’t the one in control.

Or maybe he’s telling you to bring your husband home. The cost of at home care will likely be no more than paying for you and your husband’s NH care.

Maybe God is gifting you an opportunity to rethink your interpretation of Christian. Playing the Bible card to get what you think you’re entitled to smacks of desperate phony piety (that’s also transparent and self-defeating). No one dissolved your union. The nursing home didn’t force your husband to be admitted or force you to agree to their terms.

Is the nursing home limiting your time visiting? One of my mom's room mates had a husband visiting every day, every meal, and bedtime. He may have had special permission. I did too because my mom was considered close to death, but families of other residents were limited with time spent visiting. I agree that you could be very helpful if you lived there, but you can't. Could you both be in assisted living with a visiting nurse instead or is his COPD severe enough to keep him in nursing home?

temper13, so sorry you are going through this. As for the falls, there is no way anyone can prevent a fall. There could be room full of doctors, nurses, and aides, and a person could fall within a split second. I see from your profile, your husband also has Alzheimer's/Dementia.

Is your husband in a single room? I was thinking that if you ask the nursing home if you could stay overnight for a couple of days then you may find it too exhausting for yourself to deal with the commotion and sounds of a nursing home on a 24 hours basis. I know when I spent the night with my Mom, I slept in a reclining chair, I was constantly waking up to unfamiliar sounds. I was so zoned out, I had to go home.

And, heaven forbid you should need to be in a hospital, and later go to rehab, you would be sent to whatever nursing home that has an open bed. It may not be the nursing home where your husband is staying.

Be with hubby during the day, but go home to recharge yourself so you can be ready for the next day.

If money is not the issue, then move him to a facility that allows you both to live together. It will cost more, but you’ll achieve your goal

You don’t NEED to be in nursing care there are far more people like you in the same position just be thankful that you can go and visit and learn to be on your own try looking at hobbies etc to keep you busy

There may be someone in one of the groups below that has some insight. It was begun when family caregivers were locked out of facilities and could not even visit their loved ones. A lot of progress has been made with that effort.

https://www.essentialcaregiverscoalition.org/feed?fbclid=IwAR35TOCx3kiuNfDXjYRx1dxg9UT1zqtcnfTgpJFueSUMXiwRQNu5LHUALTk

The group below is specific to my state, South Carolina. There are similar groups for many of the states and you may find one for yours if you search on Google.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/315279832983350

It sounds like you would like to be a "patient" in a nursing home with your husband. Unless you "qualify" by Medicare standards they could only allow you to be a patient if you can afford to be private pay. The few times my husband was a patient in a SNF it was for rehab and I did stay 24/7 to help him except for quick trips home and it was allowed in a private room. It is very draining and hard but I was allowed to be there.

Could you both move into Assisted Living? That doesn't require any diagnosis, and you could still function independently but have professionals on call to help take care of your husband. If the issue is financial, that is a different story.

My MIL moved into a NH, took her own double bed and FIL came with her. He didn’t need care, only food. I’m not sure how the money worked. It was unusual here, but this NH was not the only one that allowed it.