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PeggySue2020 Asked April 2022

We already have too many old people to deal with. But now SO is invested in yet another situation. Advice?

So, my SO has been involved with men who have failed to thrive and moved in with their parents for years, as they like him share a shore fishing hobby that frankly tends to attract such people. They failed to thrive, they became unemployed, they now want to stay that way so now they’ve moved in to mom and dads, and caregiver creep then sneaks up on them as well as they being emotionally arrested at the age of 14. Like, when any of them come to the door, it’s like they are really 14. You’re sitting there in your robe telling them we’re busy, and they dawdle on your porch, oh, I see his truck is here.


 


Ive been on what, nine of these dudes so far but he keeps picking them up. The latest hi neighbor unfortunately lives within seeing distance of us. This winner lost his job when he went to jail for domestic violence on his divorcing wife, won’t support his kid and instead is puttering around mommy and daddy’s house “helping out.”


 


Well now the water to their house has failed, and he’s over there at mommy and daddy’s after making sure their old asses are out of there to fix this issue for this latest fishing friend he has. This is now the fourth day he’s been at it and since daddums has the checkbook, how is he even gonna get paid the freelance rate? Mr Worthless is NOT family. I had to, chose to, bail so out on his stupid boat rent since all mr worthless has done is shag tinder girlfriends on it vs selling it versus fixing it.


 


I don’t want to leave him, but I’m really getting tired of this.

JoAnn29 Apr 2022
I will put it this way, do not marry him. He needs to set boundries. Its nice to have a good heart but he needs to realize he is being taken advantage. Its easier to walk away as a SO than married.

SnoopyLove Apr 2022
PeggySue, I’m thinking this must be a common problem for plumbers— friends taking advantage of time and expertise. Does your SO have any buddies also in the trade who might have ideas about how to handle freeloaders?
PeggySue2020 Apr 2022
Yeah, and their advice is to agree on a price beforehand versus just doing for free or nearly free. Because this caregiver was a “neighbor” he went to dink around thinking he could fix it, but he couldn’t. He bailed finally.

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PeggySue2020 Apr 2022
im sorry. No it’s not my so who is shagging anyone. It’s his latest friend whom he put in charge of selling it. It was supposed to be commission for his friend to sell it, but he hasn’t after a year.

My problem is that he is spending entirely too much time on this, way more than we can reasonably afford.
AlvaDeer Apr 2022
Ha! I am VERY relieved.
Remember what we always counsel people here?
You cannot change anyone. You can only make decisions for you.
AlvaDeer Apr 2022
You don't want to leave him?
Did I misunderstand?
Is it the SO who is "shagging girlfriends" on the boat? YOUR SO????
My question is, if that's the case, WHY don't you want to leave him?

I mean I can understand if you are afraid, if you don't have the funds to leave.
But otherwise I am afraid I can't understand at all.
I would so much rather be alone than with someone who is hurting me, who is angering me. Who is betraying me. SO MUCH rather.
So again, if I understand this, what is the reason you are afraid to leave?
Don't give me "love". Because "loving" someone while he is shagging someone on the boat won't compute in my old brain. That would indicate a need for some serious counseling about what is under that word "love".

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