Is it typical for there to be a blackout period of 72 hours when you first put your loved one in memory care?

There was in our very well managed MC.

Most likely you who love her are suffering far FAR more than she.

You placed her because in spite of the best efforts of everyone involved, she needed placement.

She needs to adjust to allowing herself to be cared for by others. For you to stay for seven hours so early in her entrance to care may make it harder, not easier, for her to begin her process of adjustment.

My mother said “I’ll NEVER FORGIVE YOU” as I left her for the first time. I was crushed. As it turned out, her life at her residence was much more comfortable AND PLEASANT than the life she’d known in the little cottage where she’d live, by herself, during the years after my father died.

Have you had a child who had fear of going to school, but who once there would be as happy as the other children? Her situation may be similar. Once she becomes more familiar with her “new” life, she may relax and begin to enjoy it.

I have a cherished snapshot of my mother, taken at a residence party. She’s wearing a HUGE sun hat, smiling broadly and looking like a Queen.

For YOUR SAKE, give this a good long period of adjustment. Call periodically and ask her caregiver(s) how she!s doing. When you visit, keep your visits to a few minutes, and if she becomes upset, give her a hug and tell her you love her and that you’ll be back soon. Then leave quickly- no scenes, no returns to her.

HARD? It was for me. But in retrospect, I knew that the safety and surveillance and monitoring and activity were the VERY BEST I COULD DO FOR HER.

Be good to yourself as YOU and your dad adjust.

Personally, I think its cruel to leave a Dementia patient alone for 72 hours or more. They are in a strange place and need to see a familiar face. Its like a child going to Nursery School for the first time. You take them, sit with them a little while, hug them and leave telling them you will be back. I see no problem in doing this with a Dementia person. You take them to their new room stay a little while then hug and say goodbye but a staff member should be there. Maybe take the person to a common area. My Mom acclimated herself to new places well. I was 5 min away so visited no more than an hour a time. I asked that she not be left alone in her room so she was in the common area most of the time, walking the halls of the AL. When I was there, I let the staff do their jobs.

Seven hours may be too long. Mom needs to feel comfortable with the staff. Don't visit the whole time in her room. Walk the halls. Now the weather is warming up, take her outside. To the common area where people are. Be there when there are activities to help get her interested. My Moms AL brought in entertainment. I went to a few. Staff should be getting her involved but maybe you being there Mom is more likely to participate.

My daughter never said she was going home with Mom. She would say, need to go to work, have a hot date, see ya later. We never used the word home or house. Yes, its hard but Mom is in the best place she can be. I would question the chapped puffy lips and sores. They maybe using something when they wash her she is allergic to. Maybe something they are feeding her.

More common is two full weeks, as it was in my mom's case. Even her husband, in assisted living, in the same facility. You may want to stop the visits again for awhile. Mom needs to adjust to others providing her care.

Mommom22, there is always a period of adjustment. It happens whenever anyone moves, be for a job promotion or moving into senior care. It can vary from person to person.

Make sure Mom's bedroom is set up the same way she had it at home, if that is possible. It can be scary waking up at night and nothing looked familiar. When my Dad moved into senior care, I was able to have his high boy dresser to the left of his bed, the way he had it at home, plus his night stand. Did the same when later moved into Memory Care. Keep the same bedspread and towel she had at home, unless the facility supplies their own linens.

I gave Dad a couple of weeks to get adjusted to his new home, and to become familiar with the Staff. I would call daily. I would visit only an hour each day, then cut back to every other day, and eventually once a week. Dad finally settled into a routine. He wasn't a social butterfly, not into crafts, but would attend the weekly music sessions. During meals in the common room, the facility would pair Dad with another resident who either was from the same home State as Dad or who had similar interests. If they clicked, they always had their meals together.

I hope your Mom settles into a routine sooner or later.

Most suggest one to two weeks. This is very difficult for family. Try to stay in contact with the MC. The MC will recognize if this isn't working and if there is undue distress in their opinion.
I am, as a nurse, honestly not certain how I feel about this.
Yes, she is in distress and is afraid, but the truth is that this is her new home. Not everything can be fixed or made good when dementia is a factor. She may need medication and then you are in the difficult territory of what cocktails of meds works for her without making her seem almost comatose or without making her fall prone. It is being between the devil and the deep.
You need to recognize this is a hard time, allow yourself the grief. Recognize the limitations and power to fix and hope and pray and do whatever else comes to mind, all the while knowing there is no "perfection " in this sad transition.

Your profile says that your mom suffers from depression and anxiety. Are those being treated?

What led to her placement? Is dad burned out from caregiving?

Would you like to have her come live in your home with increased care?