Need support. Any advice?

Arkh64, I've been in your shoes. Trying to help very elderly parents while I was dealing with a serious health problem. And they were still living in their house.

I felt so sorry for the wonderful caregivers I had set up, at Mom's doctor's recommendation, but Mom wanted no part of it. They were once again on their own. I wasn't caregiving material so I dealt with just logistics which were exhausting in their own right.

You're right, I bet they were mourning their youth. Their friends had either moved away or had passed. They couldn't do trips any more, or go to the movies [limited eyesight]. Driving was out of the question. Modern technology was moving too fast for them to keep up. Even I couldn't keep up.

I also believe that our elderly parents forget we ourselves are aging and/or have health issues. I couldn't convince my parents that I was no longer 35 years old as I was in my 60's. I was still their kid.

Sadly many of us here on the forum had to wait for a serious injury/illness before anything could be done. For my Mom, she fell in the kitchen which resulted in trauma. Mom lived her remaining time in a nursing home.

Dad had me call back the Agency to see if the same caregivers were available to be with him. They were, and he had around the clock care. Eventually Dad sold the house and moved into senior living, and he was happy there. He kept saying "If your Mom wasn't so stubborn".

Are you their DPoA? If so, and they have diagnoses in their medical records of their cognitive/memory impairment then you can put the wheels in motion to transition them into a facility if they have the funds. If they don't you can apply for Medicaid for them (but I recommend they transition into a good place that accepts Medicaid and has a continuum of care, that includes LTC and maybe even hospice.

I'm an only also, and am DPoA for 3 elders (ages 92, 100 and 102). Two of them live far away in their own home, with 2 family caregivers. My mother lives next door to me. You are correct that we onlies cannot be their sole solution. You can only do what you're willing and able to do. With your own illness, you need to make yourself a priority because the stress of caregiving can seriously impact your health -- and then who will advocate for your parents? Facility care is hopefully an option in your mind, regardless of what your parents express. They don't get to dictate care that isn't realistic or possible. The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receivers and givers. In your case you will eventually be overwhelmed by the needs of 2 people. You have permission to make yourself a priority. May you receive peace in your heart that you're doing the best you can in a challenging situation.

That's really tough. Its very loving of you to continue providing them care. -- I'm sorry they and you are going through that, difficult time though.

Its hard for me to say anything by way of advice. Have you considered the possibility of a care facility?

My MIL's memory is really bad, too. She seldom lashes out but does so occassionally, not violently though. I know she's just frustrated with her declining abilities and lack of memory. Its really hard for our elders the older they get.

The only other answer I can give, if you believe in God, is to pray about the matter.

With mci it’s possible to still reason with them. As in if they don’t accept these aides, they will be going to the crappiest county home sooner than later.