Dual personality of person with dementia / Alzheimer's. Any advice on how to cope with this?

You will always be the one they turn on. So get used to it. 😊

I am so glad my one Aunt had died before Mom came to live with me. Shecwas the type that butted he nose where it wasn't wanted.

My husband is really good at "show timing" at all doctors visits. My trick with this, is to let him talk. Talk as much as he wants to. It gets to a point where he can't keep up the facade and will start talking about something, someone that has no revelance at all to the exam, or chuckle to himself, or stare off. I used to interrupt, try to add to or change what he was saying. Not anymore. Doctors get to see what he's like and that's ok. It's helpful for when I need them to get relevant paper work done for my husband, especially for disablity.
Don't know if the same is possible for when folks are visiting to extend the length of time they spend with your Mom. Say, play cards, have a few snacks, chat a bit longer about the nature of the Universe and our role in it-just kidding! I'd be very, very careful about filming or recording at the facility-might not be allowed. Ask first.

I googled showtiming - she's acting straight out of the book. And guests rarely stay longer than 10-15 minutes and she can pull it together that long.

And yes, her and Dad's doctor has positively said she's in early stages of dementia. She doesn't like that doctor and wants to see another. I've got to arrange that and see if he can maybe prescribe anything that might help.

Roger

Thanks to all. The video is a great idea. My next trip back, I'll do that.

Luckily, the staff there just loves her, says she's the sweetest little thing. She causes them no problems at all, and brags to everyone how great the staff is, how great the food is (and I have never seen her eat as much as she's eating now), etc.

So, at some level in her brain she's happy. Just doesn't show it to me.

The staff there has told me about what people on this forum have said - that's just the way it is and you have to live with it.

Roger

Does your mother have an actual medical diagnosis of dementia/memory impairment? Try not to worry about what other people "perceive" about her situation. If anyone says anything to you, you can tell them of her medical diagnosis. If she's actively texting (like you've stated in your other post) and has the contact info of relatives and friends at her fingertips, you can be sure she is spreading her stories.

Maybe on your next visit you can discretely check her call history to see who else she's contacting. If it's not that many people you can choose to call each one and explain her diagnosis. They may be getting many calls/texts from her as well and may be glad to not have her contacting them.

When my MIL first went into AL she was extremely bored (due to her short-term memory impairment) and went about calling people constantly all day long. It did no good to tell her she just called as she wouldn't remember this. It was a sad day when I had to erase their phone numbers from her address book. Her one old friend lived in Hawaii and in a completely different time zone. Called her all times of the day and night there.

Take a video of her with you, on your phone. Pretend that it’s of the room, so that people can see how nice it is, but include her in it. Leave it running until you get enough footage to show people exactly why she is where she is. If she thinks it’s turned off, you may even get the magic footage of her ‘turning on a dime’.

It's called "showtiming".

Pat yourself on the back for keeping your parents safe and cared for.