Feeling guilty. Why is she so selfish?

I'm with Barb....you've felt manipulated your whole life? Why did she move in?

From your profile: "Oldest of 4. Married. Empty nester. Caregiver of mother. Husband and mother don't get along. Negative, depressed, doesn't speak 87yo mother lives with us."

Maybe it's time for one of your sibs to take in Mama? How did you become the chosen one? Since your H and Mama don't get along, your marriage must be suffering?

Honestly you are doing this to yourself, guilt is a self- imposed emotion, most likely driven by fear. It sounds like she has been manipulating you all your life and you have been unable to break the cycle by standing up to her and expressing your needs or setting boundaries with her and most important sticking to them.

Yes, it is difficult but keep in mind you have a right to your own life with your husband, IMO he and any children should be your priority.

You have covered the bases for her care while you are gone, don't let your guilt ruin your vacation, she is not doing this to you, you are doing this to you.

Perhaps on return a little counseling might be of help to you to break this cycle.

Enjoy your vaca, it is much deserved.

Tell your mother to suck it up and stop pouting because you are going on vacation. Stop feeling guilty and enjoy your vacation you deserve it.

Dear TryingTimes,

(((hugs))) I know it's hard. Sometimes you feel like you can't even take one moment for yourself but you have to. I tried to be selfless and it only lead to resentment and guilt. We need to find balance. You matter too.

Your mom is fortunate that you've even allowed her to move in. Most adult children wouldn't even consider it. Your mom has to respect your needs too. If it gets to be too much it might be time to look at other options.

I understand. She is, unfortunately, unable to see past her own needs. She feels since you are healthy and able, you need to be looking after her 24/7. Kind of like an addict who feels entitled to constantly asking for other peoples' money because the addict feels as though they need it more. Unfortunately, she is unable to view you as your own person with your own needs and desires to be human.

I know this hurts because you are used to her emotionally manipulating you. I'm truly sorry she has made you feel this way, but please know she is in the wrong, not you!

YOU are human! You are your own person! You deserve a break, you deserve happiness, you deserve some time with your husband, and your husband deserves time with you! Please dont let your Mom ruin this vacation for you. You do all you can and then some for her, if she cannot accept this, then that is on her, not you.

You are doing your best to make sure she is not being abandoned during your vacation. She will be fine. Please have fun and remember, you deserve to be happy!! ❤❤❤

My dear, you've felt manipulated by your mom your whole life and now she's living with you?

Why is that?

What other living situations have you looked into for her?

That aside, go on your outing.

So, she gets upset. So what?