My mother is suffering from the abovementioned conditions. Last August she decided to have no treatment for the Merkel. The oncologist told us she would only live for another 4 to 6 months. She continues to live at her house obstinately denying the plentiful help offered by loving friends and family. She receives visitors and phone calls daily. BUT: as well as her physical health declining her cognitive decline is accelerating.
I am her daughter with power of attorney. I have accepted that her decisions so far have been her choice. Enough.
. Formerly careful, if not frugal with her pension, she is now withdrawing all of it and hiding the cash.
. Buying clothes without trying them on and then throwing them in the bin.
. Racking up credit card debt with over the phone purchases. (Clothes which she does not even like ). Bins them.
. Complains to everyone that no one visits or calls.
. Crashed her car last week and tried to leave the scene but the owner of the other parked car she hit saw everything.
. Can no longer understand what she hears on the phone.
. Cannot comprehend letters and bills.
. Lying about stupid things. Complaining about family. Trying to manipulate family. Fortunately we are all aware of this behaviour and talking.
I am her daughter with POA and I am helping with damage control. E.g. cancelled the credit card. I love mum and it grieves me to see this.
Her dumb choices have troublesome consequences for her and her family. I am now knee deep in the waste products of her stubborn incompetence.
Please - no advice on just stepping back and accepting mums decline - I have been. The above is just an example of Some of mum's problems.
She is now Impervious to reason: even congratulating herself yesterday on "handling" the car prang and insurance claim. She has mucked it all up and I am now in the process of fixing it. At what point do I take more charge of mum? She won't leave her house and I live with my family in another town.
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But I learned a great response here, from someone else's therapist.
Client: Mom will be mad.
Therapist: So? So what?
So mom gets mad. Big deal. As long as you've secured the weapons in the house, it's okay. Her anger can't hurt you.
It can wound you and make you feel like s***. But you know you're doing the right thing.
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The fact that she's unaware of her mental limitations is not unusual, and known as anosognosia; most prevalent when dementia is at play.
Her inability to understand what's being said to her over the phone/inability to understand language is known as aphasia. Common with dementia, but also with strokes.
I agree with Barb; has her doctor ordered a hospice evaluation since she's thought to only have 4-6 months left to live? Would mum approve of such a service coming into her home to help? Something tells me no....:(
Would she agree to having a carer come into her home now for a few hours per day? Or you can call it a 'companion' to oversee what's going on with her? Even to just with her and chat, make sure that she's eating a bit, taking her meds, that kind of thing? Perhaps if you insist on it, and when she realizes she doesn't have a car to go out and about in, she may agree to it (and to hospice, especially if you don't present it in that way; my mother was VERY against the term 'hospice' b/c she refused to accept the fact she would ever die, even at 95).
I sure hope you can force some help upon the woman, for both of your sakes. I am so sorry you are facing such a difficult situation, too. Sending you a hug and a prayer for a good resolution here.
Are you saying that you think the cancer has spread to her brain? It sure sounds like a possibility.
What kind of POA do you have? Does it need to be a activated by a declaration of incompetence?
In your shoes, I would remove or disable the car.
Get in touch with a hospice organization that has a facility that mom can be placed in.
Can you get her back to the oncologist for a follow-up?
Yes, it's time to take over, I think.