Trying to balance everything, take care of myself, and not feel guilty. Any advice?

Fine line here and you are the pivotal point, your husband is only asking for what he is entitled to, your time.

Many times caretakers get so involved that they lose themselves and thus their family members pay the price.

Your mother is safe, she is cared for, you and your husband are entitled to a life without your mother. If something happens let your siblings handle it, maybe it's time for them to step up.

Guilt is a self imposed emotion most of the time it is the result of fear, it is a trap that can ruin ones life.

Don't give up your life and happiness for another, take care of you, your husband and any children, they should always come first.

Enjoy your vacation.

I've been where you are and I made the wrong decision. You see, my son won a post-graduate scholarship to study and work in France in 2018/2019. My only sibling was still alive but disconnected with her care and she had a part-time daily sitter. I told my son when he left that I would plan a trip to visit him and see Paris.

Of course, I was feeling guilty and wondering how I could leave my mother with my self-absorbed and unwilling sibling or with her sitter and expect her to be properly cared for. So in the end, I didn't go visit my son.

I will forever regret not going. Every time I think about it, it makes me sick.

I'm still here today chained to my mother at home and know now that she would have been just fine and my sibling could have managed. Or I could have hired someone to give live-in care for a week.

Don't do what I did. If you want to go, then go and enjoy yourself.

My advice? Give the nurses the contact for your siblings and enjoy your vacation.

Peace.

It sounds like you have been enabling mom to live on her own for a while.
Getting groceries, making meals, I am going to assume the "etc." included other chores around the house as well.
Saying prior to the fall her "mental faculties were "about" 100%" is like saying you are a little bit pregnant or a little bit lost. You are or you aren't.
You have noticed a decline since being in the hospital. That is common. But you may also be realizing how not 100% she is.
Your mom is in Long Term Care. You are not abandoning her.
Your mom is safe
Your mom is being cared for.
You deserve a bit of time to yourself.
You have NOTHING to feel guilty about.
Your husband is right. Get a way for a bit. come back relaxed.

I say take your break and enjoy your husband. I run a small business and typically work 6 days a week with no holidays/paid vacations, etc. I am also an only child. My dad had to go into memory care ALF a few weeks after I turned 50, and he stayed there for 3 years. I visited every Sunday and also was responsible for checking in on my mom almost daily as she was still living in her own home nearby. Dad died in 2019.

My stress level was ridiculous, affecting my marriage and my health. One night I had a meltdown on the living room floor shouting "I have NO wiggle room in my life" when my husband floated the idea of something fun. Our relationship seemed to struggle for about 2 years after that incident. I ended up having to see a therapist for a while. Honestly I am still decompressing from being on-point & on-call continually for years.

I have mom in assisted living now. I soooo cherish my Sunday mornings these days. I just turned 55. Self-care is becoming more necessary each month that goes by and I don't take my time for granted. I have a friend who is 58, was diagnosed with aggressive cancer 6-8 weeks ago, and now can no longer take care of herself and may have to go into a nursing home. She and her husband stayed-put while her elderly (85+) mother was living with her several years ago - the mother outlived the husband. Parents don't have the right to steal their children's lives, security & hope. They just don't. We each get one life.

Now, while your Mom is in care, is the time for this trip. You will be very busy arranging care when Mom is discharged.
Now is also the time for you and hubby to get away and discuss how the future will be managed. Will Mom go into care (I recommend) or to your own home. You need time together to discuss this whether on a trip or at home.
Now is also the time to discuss discharge planning with the facility. It sounds as though Mom cannot return to independent living. Time to discuss.
I don't know how long Mom will remain in rehab. Discuss with their discharge planner how close by phone you can remain to discuss this issues (often the Social Worker in charge of Mom's case).
Whether you leave now or not is not really the point if this is only a week in time, not too far away, and with good contact with facility. What IS important is that you and hubby discuss next moves. As you say, this is all on you. You have tough decisions coming. I wish you the very best. Whether you leave or not your hubby needs to understand that THIS is currently where your brain is, and THIS is where it SHOULD be at the moment.
You also need to understand now at the get-go that you are using the WRONG G-word. Guilt? Are you a felon? Did you push Mom down the stairs alla Richard Widmark? No. Your G-word coming is GRIEF. Embrace it. Refusing to recognize the pain and tears coming for you ALL is not going to help. This is worth mourning, and mourning, unless you have a magic wand, is what is coming. There are changes that will occur that are inevitable and are a result of our human limitations, not a result of our evil-doing.
I wish you the best.

Your mother is being looked after. Going out of town is not “abandoning” her.

I just have to say that I read the title of your post and thought, “ That would make a great large-lettered T-shirt!!” I bet a lot of us could wear that..

No precise advice but I do hope you can take a break with your husband! Sending blessings…

I'm 71 , have been taking care of both parents (96 & 90) for 5 yrs now. I live 3.5 hours away. Go every Sunday - Thursday to care for them. In Feb. Placed Dad in memory care facility. Mom is staying home and gets along fine. Some relief in Dad being in facility where he gets care that is needed. I'm retired, but do consulting work and this helps me keep my mind off of issues.
I take 3 day mini vacations every 2 months. I make arrangements for my cousin to visit mom every day I am not there (I pay her nicely) and it works.
NOW, the Guilt....yes, I went thru that, but after doing it a few times it is alot easier now. I know my limits and I recharged my mental and physical mind/ body and when I went back I was feeling great. I talk to my Mom 2 times a day when I am not with her. During my mini vacations I call once. My cousin is wonderful and that helps tremendously because I know Mom is being cared for. Mom is ok to sleep alone, cleans house , cooks for self still. When I'm there I do yard, mop floors, Dr. Appt., finances, shopping, medications, visit Dad, etc.
Very important to take mini vacations or weekly days off. If not, you will end up with physical issues or resentment and that is not good. I have no siblings, my wife supports me by keeping our home and property up. She comes with me at times and does property upkeep.
My Mom encourages Breaks and I'm luck she supports this. She tells me all the time that they are sorry that they are a "burden to me", I always say " you are my parents and I love you and you both are my Blessings not burdens". At my age, I still have both parents and that in it's self is Wonderful. I am the luck one.
Take the vacation (s) they will help your husband and you feel kind of normal again. You deserve TIME FOR YOU! Remember, the time you take is WELL DESERVED. Take a break, get emotionally and physically recharged and enjoy!

Is your mom to stay in skilled nursing for a long while or will she go back home with home care or to assisted living? Are the transitions over? I would think your husband might try to understand that you want to watch over Mom for a bit longer, but good for Mom for coming through all this with only a little confusion. Self care involves what you will feel comfortable doing as well as caring for Mom. What about just a weekend off with your husband and a trip later on? Forget about sibs going on with their lives. The only way anyone has any idea of what all this caregiving is about is to do it.

adbonilla: It is advisable for you to take this trip since respite is important for your well being.