Should I quit expecting help from my sisters?

The only person you can control is yourself. You can't choose your family but you can choose how and whether you interact with them (boundaries).

Like funkygrandma59 pointed out: you knew how they were before your mom died. When you constantly want them to be people who they are not, you keep yourself in a perpetual state of unhappiness, and anger. Anger comes from unmet expectations. Stop expecting *anything* from them and you'll be a happier person. Just imagine if one of them decides to step up: you'll be ecstatic.

:) Hello Blueagave,

:) Hellokarma here. You might not know this, but I’m busy writing a book with all our siblings’ names, addresses, pictures! A kind of binder, nice & neat, to make it really easy for Karma to flip through when the time comes. Give your anger to Karma. It’s difficult (impossible?) to live happily and be angry.

Don’t worry. What goes around, comes around.

Just make sure you protect your life, health & happiness. There’s only one Blueagave in the world; you’re precious.

Yes, the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. They haven’t helped, they won’t help.

I cleared out my parents 4 bedroom house and 2-car garage almost single handed. I have 2 siblings and knew I could demand/whine/plead with them to help and in the process alienate them or just do it myself and retain a friendly relationship with them.

I was retired and did have the time. I also wanted to do it so I could sort out anything of value to be sold for Mom's care, she had hundreds of dollars squirreled away in pockets and books that I wanted to find. Then I hired an auction company to document the contents and hold an on-line auction. Big relief to get rid of almost everything.

My biggest expenses were hiring a team to remove trashy big items from the basement and garage and haul it to the dump.

My siblings were happy to have me deal with everything and we are still friends. Last note: this gave me the opportunity to accumulate a stock of nice things that I have been selling on eBay to reimburse myself for all the time and effort. Sibs know and approve since they didn’t have to help!

My sisters will come to 'aid' for mom if specifically called and given a specific task.

Neither really visits her and neither would do day-to-day care.

I quit trying to get them to help years ago, One will throw any amount of money at the 'problem' the other would rather take her spare time and golf.

It is what it is. I can't put my expectations on them. Pointless and depressing.

Yes you should quit expecting help from your sisters. You didn't get it when your mom was alive and you were caring for her, so why do you think that now that's she's gone that they would step up? They showed their true colors while your mom was alive. You need to just let it go and get on whatever needs to be done with moms estate and such. You obviously are the much "bigger" of the siblings, and will in time get done what needs to.
And don't you dare let your sisters when it's all said and done, complain about how things were handled. You just tell them that you did the very best you could without they're help(thank you very much)and if they don't like it....tough s***!
I'm sorry for the loss of your mom, but you got this! Just continue to get things done at your own pace, and make sure that you're taking time to grieve for your mom along the way. God bless you.

My one brother lives 8 hrs away, so no help there. The other on 30 min. No, I did not ask. I don't feel like I should have. Both knew there was a house to clean out, a 8 room farm house with a full attic.

I know your exhausted. I was retired. Its probably better you do it on your own. No fighting about who gets what. And I would not ask. I started cleaning to get rid of junk. We had a thrift shop nearby, they got a lot of stuff. A friend belonged to two womans group that she cooked and backed for, she got all the baking dishes. Church had a yardsale, they received donations. I took very little for myself. Pictures, had a storage box with a lid for each child. As I found items and pictures related to them, it got thrown in their box. Clothes got donated to a clothing closest or put in one of those bins. If they don't want to help, then they got what I felt they should have. Of course Mom didn't have much especially jewelry wise. I guess the boys didn't know about her cultural pearls. My daughter got them and Moms anniversary ring. I did not ask, I just did. If they complain after the fact, just say "you left it all up to me. If u wanted something, you should have claimed it.

Specifically answering your question, Yes, you should “quit expecting help” IF you feel that YOU will feel BETTER if you do so.

IF you think you will be more at peace by expecting their help and constantly not receiving it, do that.

Grinding along in constant bitterness doesn’t work for me.

I moved from my home which is a good distance from my mom. I moved in with mom almost 5 months now. She’s total care. I have to do everything for her plus shop, cook and clean. I’m exhausted all the time. My sister lives next door to mom and offers no help. She doesn’t work. I asked her earlier this evening if she would please come over a fed mom. Had everything ready. She never showed up. She sent a text telling me she had a water leak which I know is BS! She had access to moms bank account and stole 10k. Now there’s no funds to hire any help! I have 2 other siblings and they offer no help. They don’t even call and check on her. I have a lot of resentment towards them. So I know how you feel doing everything by yourself.

A friend went through similar. Did all the sorting, keeping & throwing alone. Sibs didn't help.

I imagine each had their own reasons - as do yours.

Maybe they don't see it as their responsibility? Not my stuff, so...?

Or some may be lifelong avoiders. Wallflowers. Prefer to stay in the background. Too hard, too overwhelming etc.

Others may never enter the arena unless they are in charge. So if you have the lead role, they will be happy to leave it to you.

Personalities differ.

My friend just got on with it. Excepted sibs lack of interest. Shook of any resentment, kept what they wanted & donated the rest.

I get it though 😔 help would be nice.