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Tgregory1313 Asked April 2022

My dad has dementia and has become extremely mean. I'm worried he's going to start getting physically abusive with my mom. Any suggestions?

He has early onset dementia; he's only 67. He is already emotionally abusive and has become a bully, but he is very good at acting like he is OK to people that aren't around him very much. He's thrown things at my mom and I and pushed her on several occasions. He refuses to go to a psychiatrist and won't do anything to try to make the situation better. I've asked for advice before but the only thing people tell me is call the cops the next time he does anything. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

twigas Apr 2022
Don't call the cops. Call a lawyer and see what your options are.

blamed Apr 2022
Unfortunately, there isn't much one can do against bullies. Bullies will continue to be bullies. There's no magic word that'll stop them. Bullies enjoy hurting others. If you tell them they hurt you: they'll only be happy about that. (They might try to hide their happiness).

The only option one has is to protect oneself by not being the target: make yourself unavailable. Remove your presence. Reduce contact. Every time someone is mean, it takes time to recover from it. To be totally un-harmed by mean, abusive words: I don't think it's humanly possible. Words do hurt.

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JoAnn29 Apr 2022
Sorry, if Dad hits you or Mom you need to call the police. Tell them you fear for your life. That he has Dementia and needs a 72 hr hold.
Its a Neurologist he should see. The word Psychiatrist means to most mental problems. A Neurologist is more for neurological problems of the brain, which Dementias are.

AlvaDeer Apr 2022
1st sign of physical abuse an ambulance is called. In ER the abuse and the diagnosis of early onset Alzheimer's is told. From there you and Mom access a Social Worker so she has emergency temporary guardianship and Dad is placed in care for his own and for her safety. It is easier to access safe placement, esp of someone with violent tendencies, from a Hospital or Rehab with their social workers than any other way. I am assuming your Dad never did POA that you can get fully instituted with his diagnosis of Early Alzheimer's and I am assuming he HAS BEEN diagnosed some how some way with this disease you tell us he has.
If your Mother and Dad will not cooperate with this plan (your mother really) and make this plan with you NOW, then I would say your Mom is in grave danger and by her own choice. When people with a right to make their choices, and make bad ones, there is honestly very little that you can do but speak with them, and in the end call APS for wellness checks.
You need to be keeping careful diaries now.
I am so sorry and I wish you all the best.

PeggySue2020 Apr 2022
He’s already assaulted you and mom multiple times. Mom may need to move out for her own safety.

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