I'm trying to understand mom's bowel movement blow-ups. Is this the dementia weakening her bowels or something?

I can have a major problem now if I eat almost any chilli. I found out that chilli and garlic are the most common causes on the medical list, and I have met a couple of others with the same issue. With home-made curry you can try substituting black pepper and ginger, which come lower down the list of irritants. If I buy almost any ‘made’ stuff, even just dips, I use strong spectacles to check the ingredients lists (compulsory here but often in tiny tiny print). I’m suspicious of just ‘spices’, especially if it comes high up the list. Young men seem to think that ‘bum burners’ are a test of manhood – when the bowel revolts in older life they are too embarrassed to mention it.

The current ‘chilli in everything’ really bugs me. Most Asian restaurants are now off limits, even though the ‘chilli’ tradition only started well after the discovery of the Americas – same with tomato (a shocker for Italians) and potato (a shocker for the Irish – even the ‘French’ fries).

I think its a normal occurrence with the elderly. With my Mom it was coffee and apple juice.

This type of incidents shocks the family. However, they are very common in geriatric facilities. The gastrointestinal system, like every other system or organ, is no longer sturdy and fool proof as in younger years. I's part of the general decline caused by aging.

Not every symptom your mother has is caused by dementia. Remember that she isn't getting younger. Aging is causing a lot of body malfunctions as the various organs break down. Do not expect any improvement with medicines. There is a limit as to what medicines can do. Be prepared that things will continue to get worse by the simple fact that aging can't be stopped. The dementia is another issue. Dementia is a degenerative condition that targets the brain and destroy it little by little until nothing is left. You have to accept that her life will be coming to an end at any time. When that happens, her body will have a lot of failures, because nobody dies with a healthy body.

My DW loves ice cream but I think she has become lactose intolerant. I put a Lactaid (probiotic) in with her morning meds because she likes cream in her coffee. I try to ensure she takes another Lactaid before eating ice cream. It has made a big difference in the frequency of bowel incontinence although not eliminated it completely.

I vividly remember the last time my mother, may she rest in peace, ever had cream of tomato soup. Or at least I assumed it was that which went through her like a dose of salts after nine decades of her being fine with it and never served it to her again. It was only that so I didn't bother to investigate.

What does her regular diet include? It could be a particular food, or maybe a particular combination, that her gut can't handle. If it starts happening more often than every three months report it, maybe ask for a culture to check she hasn't picked up some nasty little lurking bug?