How do you deal with a stepfamily who doesn't care about your or your sisters' opinions on the care for our father who is in end-stage renal failure. I am the second POA for my father (stepmother is first). One of the granddaughters is POA for my stepmother. However, all decisions are being made by the granddaughter for my father's care because she is telling my stepmother that 'family takes care of family'. However, she isn't here to take care of them. I have been the one here the past month doing it all alone. She thinks she can just buy a house here and move them in with her to care for them. The problem is the stepmother is a full-time caring job, let alone now my father is in end-stage renal failure, is wheelchair-bound and goes to dialysis three times a week. He is also susceptible to UTI's, so his personal hygiene is extremely important.
The granddaughter has never even called to discuss the issue with my sisters and me on how we feel and what we think is best for our father and stepmother's care.
My sisters and I feel they would be better suited in assisted living to get the full medical care they need. However, our choices have been taken from us by the granddaughter.
We would put our father in assisted living without her, but we know he is only going through the dialysis for her and would give up if they are separated.
Has anyone else had this problem and do you have any suggestions for resolving it? Feeling isolated with no choices
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They aren't your choices. You don't mention anywhere that your father is cognitively or physically incapacitated. This usually means that neither you nor your step-mother's PoA authority is active yet. So, if the granddaughter is making decisions then he must be allowing it. If this is the case then you will just have to live with it. I would ask him (in the presence of his wife and the granddaughter) who he wants to be his spokesperson at this time (not his decision-maker). Ask him what he wants while he's still able to speak for himself.
It's possible the granddaughter has no idea how PoA works, which would not be an uncommon thing. I come across it all the time. Maybe she justs needs to be diplomatically informed?
It may be a good time to read the PoA to see if both PoAs have to be in agreement on decisions and what happens if there isn't agreement regarding his care and the management of his affairs.
FYI in the elder, UTI's aren't always caused by bad hygiene. They can also occur because of changes in physiology and body chemistry. Using a catheter would definitely ramp up the risk.
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