Is it near the end?

Hospice can come in and help with pain meds and help advise you if this is near the end. I would consider calling 911 also if you think she is in pain. I hope you are not alone dealing with this situation and Have some support - even a social worker .

TChamp - Hospice is for both the dying and the grieving family. So, it's not too late. Even if it's just hours. That was what happened with my mother. She died 2 hours after we signed her up for hospice. Those two hours she didn't have to suffer breathing difficulty.

One other big benefit was that we just had to inform hospice of my mom's passing and they took it from there. There was no call to 911 necessary, no involvement from the police or the coroner.

Another benefit if we needed was grief counseling. We didn't, but others might.

Time for you to take charge. You don’t have to do what she says. She needs hospice right away.

Nature knows best. She's about to leave this world. There is no time left for hospice. It's too late. Her body is shutting off.

As others have suggested, Hospice will help to make her last days more comfortable and as pain free as possible. She needs the medication they provide and the medical equipment she urgently needs.....a bed sore (ulcer) can easily lead to sepsis. You simply do not have the level of expertise to take care of mom in this capacity. Explain to her that Hospice is there for guidance and have an around the clock hot line to answer all questions. You will still do most of her caregiving. Aides will be provided to help with bathing, etc. but only for a couple times a week and usually for about an hour.....visits will increase or decrease as deemed necessary. Mom will have to trust your decision to do this and abide by it. It is critical you contact them ASAP.

I echo what others say about getting hospice for her. Regardless of what she wants, she needs specialist care to reduce her suffering. It is incredibly traumatic to watch someone suffer and die. My father was suffering significantly until we had hospice come in. We were able to spend his last few days with him without seeing him in pain. At the end, it was very peaceful and that made a very difficult situation much easier.

You're going to have to step up and do what is best for your mom at this point, regardless what she says. And what is best is getting hospice on board ASAP!
It definitely sounds like your mothers time here on this earth is coming to an end, and you need hospice to be able to make her comfortable and not in pain so she can leave this world peacefully. You want that for her don't you?
The fact that she has a bedsore on her "butt bone" could very well mean that she has developed what is called a Kennedy ulcer and 9.9 times out of 10 it is fatal. And since she's not eating or drink means that her digestive system and organs are shutting down, and she's preparing to leaving this world for the next.
Please don't let her suffer, and call hospice NOW!!! You won't regret it. However you may regret leaving your mother to suffer needlessly.

The not eating and drinking, plus the bedsores, could indicate it’s the end, but
maybe not tomorrow. It does, however, seem to assure a painful death.

I second JoAnn saying that hospice should be brought in to minimize that happening to the mom with op watching said painful death.

Get hospice in there anyway. She's going to be in significant pain with those bedsores (she needs to be turned every couple of hours), and hospice can provide her with a special mattress that can help prevent the sores, too. They also provide the pain meds and any other medical equipment she (meaning you) needs, including diapers.

Her demands are selfish and hurt YOU, and frankly, you should tell her. I guarantee she doesn't know what hospice really does. They don't take care of her -- that's still on you -- but it'll keep you from being overwhelmed and having no way to alleviate her pain as she dies.

Priss, sometimes we need to do what's best for our parents, even if it isn't what they want.

If your mother is developing bedsores, it means she needs more care than you ALONE can give her.

If I were in your place, I would call 911 and have an ambulance take her to the hospital for treatment.

Once you're there, ask to speak to a social worker about getting her the care she needs.

How do I know if her time is almost up

I have called her doctor several times he automatically says put her in a nursing home or have in home care come out but she refuses it

No she refuses for anyone other than me to help her she pitches a fit will not go to a nursing home nor have in home hospice come out they have offered it so many times but she just refuses it

Is she on Hospice?

If she is not, I would call her doctor and ask for advice on what to do.