Mother's Day S.O.S.: Is there a better way for me to go about this?

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To my mom with dementia every other week or so is some holiday or other. She worries herself sick about "preparing for all the people." Then she is upset with me for not inviting my brother over and now he has to spend the holiday alone and it is all my fault, etc, etc, etc. This happens randomly, on any day at any time. Sigh...never looking forward to holidays anymore, since mom moved in with us. It's become a neverending source of frustration and drama for her. I just spend actual holidays how I want. She is to the point where she doesn't know a holiday from any other day anyway. I understand your frustration. Hold firm and enjoy your holiday/s exactly as you wish. It works!

Hi Eat Pray Love I can so relate.....my 91 year old mother always pulls something to try to derail our holidays and make herself the victim. She lives in a beautiful apartment in a senior community...which always offers a gourmet holiday buffet to the residents. For Easter this year, she told us that she was going to eat there with her friends. My husband and I were planning a nice dinner for just the two of us then, as we have both been under the weather and kids and grandkids are out of town. She calls me day before Easter to tell me she is not sure she wants to eat meal because"all her friends are going to their kids homes." In the past I would have jumped and changed our plans, but I told her she needed to sit with someone new and make a new friend. She ended up going and had a great time and wonderful meal . But this is the passive aggressive behavior she shows every holiday. For Mothers Day , she complains she never gets out and loves Culvers so we are taking her there..but then she immediately called back and said she doesnt want to go out. We are still taking her and then having dessert at her apt. Constant head games which I refuse to play. Be strong and stand your ground...you have your own family ...I see my NPD mother once a week too. I call every other day just to check on her but keep concersation very supervicial and end the call when she tries to start an argument More than that affects me physically because of the stress and drama she causes. Sending a hug! Happy Mothers Day too !

Your comments should be copied and shared with every child who questions their own motives when dealing with an emotionally damaged and damaging parent.

You can’t possibly come up with a better resolution than you already have.

Now make peace with yourself and enjoy EVERY HOLIDAY MOVING FORWARD.

It's Mother's Day for you, too.

That's what my mom told my oldest sister when she was apologetic for not making the 2 1/2 hour drive a number of years ago to come and visit mom.

You're also entitled to enjoy the holiday. Visit mom the day before, and then enjoy YOUR holiday with no guilt.

Thanksgiving? Time goes by fast enough without thinking about what we are doing TG.

She doesn't allow you freedom, you just take it. You have been doing the day before for ages. Don't keep making excuses. "This is the way its always been Mom" You are entitled to spend the holidays the way you want. Your profile says Dementia is involved. Eventually she won't know what day it is. Remember, your also a mother and maybe your kids would like to spend the day with you.

Stop feeling guilty for something you have no control over. I am with you, I do not drive further than my own town for holidays. Actually, my daughter lives 4 doors down and she does the holidays.