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dinoman Asked May 2022

I have been taking care of my wife, who is recovering from strokes complicated by diabetes. I recently had a heart attack and surgery. Any advice?

I am recovering well, and have been dismissed by my heart surgeon, cardiologist, and PCP. We have had visiting nurses and physical therapists come to the house, and they have dismissed me. However, I'm still taking care of her. We have talked to the state to see if they could provide help, but we decided they were not only too invasive, but what they were offering wasn't worth it. My wife is full of anxiety though, fearing the state is coming after us to put us in a nursing home. We are both in our right mind, own our home, and are functioning day to day. I can't see they (Texas) have the right to do that, but she won't believe me. Do we need a lawyer?

sp19690 May 2022
What would have happened to your wife if you had died from your heart attack? Sometimes fear keeps us from doing the best or right thing. I agree with others below look at an AL facility for both of you.

BarbBrooklyn May 2022
Dinoman, welcome back!

Reading through your other posts, I began to wonder if your wife has ever been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist? There are meds that might help with her anxiety, agitation and paranoia.

You both clearly need some help at home and are on a tight budget. Your wife is terrified of the state "taking over".

Have you spoken to the local Area Agency on Aging? Are you on Medicaid?

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MeDolly May 2022
Why are you thinking, leave home and go directly to a nursing home? There are other options, like Assisted Living which would certainly make it easier on you.

Many have a step up program, first Independent Living, then Assisted Living, then possibly Memory Care and the Nursing Home.

I have 2 people in two different AL's. They both have beautiful apartments, dining rooms, medical staff in house, activities, bus trips and so much more.

Why not check around and see what is available, as you will not be able to handle your wife on a long term basis.

We put my mother in AL at age 93, she is soon to be 97, she refused to go for years, now she says "I should have done this 10 years ago". Right, mom, she absolutely loves it, she is no longer isolated, has many friends and is as busy as she wants to be.

It's not so much the circumstance of today, it is about planning for tomorrow.

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