My 98 year old aunt, who lives with my 96 year old father, constantly interferes with my dad's care. I should mention that she is there because she no longer wanted to live alone and has no children. Whether it is hospice (current) or Medicare care assitance after his hospital/rehab stay. She has sent caregivers away if she felt they are of no use. Sent social workers (part of the post-rehab Medicare care plan) away because "they do nothing". If they are not doctors, my aunt has no use for them. Even if they are doctors, she grills them about their education and sometimes rejects them as well. She does this with her own care too. It's the way she is. I've been borderline concerned about this, but she seemed to stay within "safe-ish" bounds. I have mentioned my concern to his hospice caseworker, who prefers to work around difficult personalities and not get directly involved with the dynamics. Which was fine. But recently, he was put on predisone for gout (a new health issue that is really affecting him badly). He has mutliple health problems - diabetes being difficult lately as he cannot get his blood sugar stable. He started the course of high dose prednisone and did not feel well. My aunt took it upon herself to tell him to stop taking them! I know that it is dangerous to suddenly stop or to stop too quickly with steriods. I spoke to her of my concern that only a doctor should be advising him and her justification was that "he felt better" after stopping. Yeah, but what about his gout?? The means do not justify the ends. It should be a doctor who is called if there is a problem with his medication I told her. My question is what should I do about her interference with my dad's care? This interference is chronic and seems to be part of her difficult personality. I mean interfering with his medications seems almost APS worthy. Also, she has an honorary doctorate and my uneducated dad thinks this means she is a medical doctor. I tried to explain the difference but he wouldn't listen to me.
6 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
He is not on Hospice to keep him alive, he is on Hospice so he can live his final days in comfort. If he chooses not to take the medication for that comfort, thats on him.
Your Aunt, when Dad passes and his funeral is over you then make her POAs aware that she will not be allowed to remain in the home. That they will need to find a place for her. Give them a timeline when they needs to be. Don't promise your Dad you will see that she is cared for. You explain to him that she has POAs and they will handle that.
ADVERTISEMENT
You say your father is in hospice?
Who is POA?
Who is giving Dad's medications?
Why are people listening to a century old woman about whether people should be leaving (caregivers and social workers).
Basically, who is in charge where Dad is?
Have you made Dad's Caregivers aware that Aunt is not in charge of Dads care? She is his roommate only. She does not have the power to let people go.
Inalso love the BurntCaregiver saying that no one cares what she thinks.
If she keeps being medically hazardous to your dad, she’ll find her butt on the street where no one will care that she didn’t have children to care. I hope if dad predeceases her that you’ll decline to do for her.