My mother is 84, housebound in a protected living environment. Her care comes in the form of 3 daily visits from carers who administer her drugs and deal with any immediate care my mother needs like bathing or showering. Only snag with this is my sister who is the court-approved guardian allowing her to grapple with the chores like banking, shopping and my mother's care plan, the real problem is mother is now incontinent and lacks mobility together with a lack of enthusiasm to accomplish even the most basic tasks on a daily basis, we see our mother sliding away from us with little attention paid of those charged with her care. We are blocked from any notion of us providing ideas to assist our mother from my very controlling sister who has always struggled to find her feet in her journey thru life. We never wanted my sister being in charge but when the decision was made, our mother was terrific, many years later the situation has deteriorated somewhat and we find ourselves in the unenviable position of bystanders whilst we witness my mother's slow demise. Any help forthcoming would be highly beneficial to us all as a way to move forward and stabilize our mother in an environment more suited to her needs and wants.
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I was told by a councillor years ago it can take up to 6 chats for an elder to even start the process of understanding their kids concern & that they need more care. While your sister is younger (I am guessing) I think denial works the same way.
I kinda feel in a similar boat to you. I have had so many chats to those 'driving the bus' that the care is not quite covering the need. I don't know if it goes unseen.. I think the OCD types have great focus on the tiny minutae but not at the big picture. I too am powerless (legally) to act. I too find the situation borders on neglect.
If it helps, I was told by a Social Worker to *await the crash*.
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If you were to go all APS & court - yikes! There goes your retirement - spent on stress & the fracture of your family.
I guess you are not asking about what you can do legally, but practically?
Is the controlling Sister in charge able to let go of any tasks? To delegate?
She may be trying the balance between 'freedom of choice' & 'duty of care'. Too much freedom can lead to safety issues or self-neglect. Too much duty can strip people's rights if not done right.
So to the current set up:
* Intermittant personal care
Was ok. But incontinence has changed things.
* Financial care. Was ok, but no longer. Not appropriate for caregiver to manage this.
I think this could be a denial issue. Possibly pride.
If you tread gently, were to sit down with Sis-in-change for a 'care plan' update?
Ask, don't demand.
You want your approach to not be "this , this & that are not working". You could hit a wall of pride - she will clam up & shut you out.
Ensure she is thanked for what she IS doing. "You are doing SO much. How can us others help?"
Gently point out what Mother WAS like 12 months ago, compared to NOW. Aim: break through any denial she has.
Some mean well but being so close, fail to see the CHANGES in front of their eyes: the incontinence, the lack of financial ability. Some folks are just not fast to adapt to change.
1st ACCEPTANCE on Mother's current level.
2nd What ADDITIONAL care is needed to meet the increased needs? Eg: a trustee to manage the bills, an extra care visit per day.
3rd Is it POSSIBLE? Can this care be found? Affordable? Or is it time... for alternatives. (Assisted Living?)
Notice none of this is blaming Sis-in-charge. You want to be on the SAME team. Keep Mother's CARE the focal point. If you can work together, wow, you will help each other out so much.
What do you think? What are the problems you can see?
My word of caution is to not go back to court unless you have serious and specific examples. My mother continued to do things, cooking and baking, when she lacked mobility, but insisted she was fine. She insisted she could do things on her own and the only way to stop her would have been to be there 24/7. She would even get up in the middle of the night to do things so wouldn't even be able to sleep!
If you do believe your sister is at fault and it is not just a general age-related decline, have a plan on how you will care for her. It is often easy to criticize the carer when you see a decline without understanding what they may be going through.
If you feel court appointed guardian is not protecting your mother you need to open a case with APS for wellness checks; tell them what you have told us.
Have a list ready for APS of SPECIFIC ways in which your Mother is currently endangered by the bad decisions of her guardian. As I said, these need to be critical and they need to be specific. For instance left alone when she is in danger while alone of setting fires, of wandering, of taking medications wrong,and etc. For instance an unkempt, ill-kempt, germ ridden and dangerous living situations in which she is unmonitored and unsafe. And etc.
Tell APS all of the specifics and your fears.
They will either find that they do not see your Mother as unusually endangered by the current situation, or they DO, in which case the court and SocialWorkers will become involved.
If there is a "plan B" here you will need to have it ready. For instance placement, in home care, management and guardianship under the state appointed fiduciary, and so on.
Wishing you luck if indeed your Mom is currently endangered..