My dad died 4 years ago (he was 87) and my mom followed 18 months later (she was 86). The last 6 years or so of caring for them was very difficult, especially my mom who was bedridden the last year of her life. I dream that my mom is back in the house, able to walk again and I KNOW she's going to find out I got rid of everything in her closet. In this last dream she was complaining about how we redid 'her house'.
I assume these are just PTSD dreams and will eventually stop. They are much less frequent than they were right after they died. They've also changed slightly in that I now tell them (in the dream) - you are both dead, please go away. I'm just curious if others dream as well and if they are pleasant dreams or nightmares?
42 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
The bottom line is that she and my dad belonged in assisted living at the very least during those last six years and they probably should have been in a nursing home. After he died, her mobility declined to the point where she was bedridden. It was a nightmare, there are no other words to describe it. By the time she died I felt nothing but sheer relief and never shed a tear. The dreams are not comforting because I don't miss her. I realized these dreams are similar to the dreams I had when I finally left my husband and was free of him. I would dream he would beg me to come back, or assume I was coming back, and it was awful. It's the feeling of experiencing glorious freedom only to fear its being taken away.
I agree with Slartibart - this is my brain working out the rest of the stuff. BTW, both of my children are fully aware that I will NEVER put them through what my folks put me through. I've made my wishes abundantly clear - if I can't shower and toilet myself, it is time to find me a bed somewhere.
These dreams are your brain working stuff out, like all dreams are. The nightmares will fade. Good luck and best wishes.
She ended up going to assisted living 1/2 an hour from where she used to live and I cleared out the majority of her trash, shoes (more shoes than Imelda Marcos), clothes, furniture that was destroyed by dog pee and poop, because my husband was so enraged at her, he couldn’t deal with it.
At the end, he came and we hired contractors to fix the place and sold the house because we were lucky enough to have POA. MIL is really lucky not to have that albatross hanging around her neck. It sold before interest rates went up.
I am so traumatized I promised myself I would start getting rid of a lot of my things do that my daughter wouldn’t be stuck.
I always feel exhausted dealing with this because of my MIL and when I let her know what a horrible mess she left, how poorly she treated DH and FIL, she becomes upset. She feels she is pure as the driven snow. I just remind her that there is a reason she is alone, doesn’t receive visits and isn’t welcome to move closer.
ADVERTISEMENT
I love dreams. I believe they help us work out our concerns in the waking world. My brother has been gone for 2 years only, and my parents a good deal longer, so my dreams of my parents are almost always benign. In dreams of my brother we aqree often doing what we did in real life, out there antiquing together, going to other towns, other places, exploring.
When I had my first dream it was right after she had died. In the dream my mom and a bunch of other people were at an amusement park having a great time. I was watching them when suddenly there was a figure of a person in the shadows who went over to my mom and said "go talk to her" So I went and sat down and my mom joined me. I was crying really hard and said "I miss you so much" My mom just held me and never said anything. I felt when I woke up that in the dream my mom had crossed over and was happy and that I needed to accept her death and move on. I'm no dream interpreter but that's what I got out of it.
Since then my mom is sometimes a background figure in my dreams. There but not really directly involved in anything.
I feel comforted by my dreams. I think we project our own feelings into our dreams. If they aren't pleasant for you maybe you need to come to terms with something in your life that you are not addressing. Or I could be totally wrong. Just my opinion.
An interesting topic. I'm glad you brought it up.
PTSD can effect you in many ways that you do not even realize. Your nightmares may be just the tip of the iceberg.
ANY trauma can manifest itself as PTSD and should be dealt with. 3-4 years is far to long.
It may not take much time at all talking to someone about this. But it is worth checking out.
((hugs)) I hope you do find peace
I had an abusive husband for 40+ yrs. He finally passed from a rare disease. I kept having dreams of him screaming and yelling at me. I finallyI realized that I had forgotten one of many many places he wanted his ashes scattered. Once i placed his remaining ashes at the site, all dreams of him stopped.
My job was finally done for this man. I served my time,
I do not find these dreams disturbing at all in fact they usually amuse me. My brother says he dreams of that house too, so I do not think it's anything to worry about.
See All Answers