I have a grandmother that was in a nursing home. She got discharged the week before her discharge date. Meaning the nursing home recommended her go to behavioral hospital due to the fact she kept refusing her medication at the facility. Hospital of Methodist recommended I take her to a new nursing home, that it could be the fact she doesn’t like it there no more. She had been there about 4 years. They tried to transfer her back to the facility she was in to the fact that she had a week left there. Sadly, they didn’t want her back and didn’t give her that week of stay that she had left. I’m 25, doing this by myself, and struggling to find her a new nursing home due to the fact she needs a secure unit and also she is a smoker. I lost my grandpa last year, which is her husband, from a heart attack and I lost my dad from Covid. Sadly, he was still in his early 40s. I believe that she refused taking her medication at the nursing home she was discharged from cause she misses my dad, she misses her husband. Her two other sons wouldn’t even go see her but once after they learned she was about to get kicked out. One her sons has money, good money. He has his own two business, and her other son don’t work, only his wife. I can’t have her staying with me. I did my best to give her the medication she needs, and I did try look for the right nursing home for her. I took a month off of work and I need to go back. I don’t know where to put her. I don’t want to kick her out. I do love her. I try my best. What should be my next step? I know people tell me "do caregivers" or "get paid to be her caregiver" but it's not my house. It's my mother's house and this isn't her mom. I mean, I can’t have a caregiver in my mom's house. I’m out of choices. I’m stressed. I need to work. I’m upset. I would think the nursing home would've understood she's going through a lot. Yes, I know she had ups and downs with them, but come on. She's depressed. I believe also two sons that won’t bother to help me with her so I can work. They are grown men in their 40s and 50s. I also don’t wanna get in trouble with Texas services or anything. I just can’t have her in my mom's house. Please someone tell me what I should do next because I don’t want nothing to happen to her and land on my hands, especially because she's diabetic. I wish someone can take elderly loved ones in a situation like this if we can’t really provide for them. I’m so upset with her because if she just cooperated right at the nursing home, I wouldn’t be struggling and about to lose my job. I know she knows now, but sometimes I feel like she's selfish and she's happy she's here with me, but I try make her understand I’m not a nurse. It's stressful 24/7 that her sons should've helped and taken over.
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Tell them that there is no one to care for her at home, that she is non-compliant with doc's orders and medication and needs to be placed.
The county social services and APS needs to know she's a vulnerable adult so that they can acquire legal guardianship of her and take care of all her needs. That's why she needs to not be removed from the hospital, even if she begs you. She is no longer making decisions in her own best interests, which may be depression or dementia. You can't force her to take meds and you aren't responsible for her life or happiness. Professionsals will do a much better job than you are able.
Regarding her sons, you cannot force them to do anything. And maybe they've already realized that they can't force her to do anything, especially if they are not her DPoA and have no legal ability to act on her behalf. The cost of care is astronomincal: if they attepted to pay for her full-time care they'd be drained doing it. And then where would their own families be in the future? So you see, don't have any expectations of them helping because this pointless hope will delay your grandma in getting help from the county.
I wish you peace in your heart as you back away and let others take over. For some problems, there are just no satisfying solutions. (((hugs))))
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Grandma should be allowed to make choices in her care and that includes taking medications. If she's okay with the outcomes, she can choose to let everyone know what her choices are and you can put that on record with your phone.
Please take the responsibility off your shoulders and call Adult Protective Services, in your area and, ask for a Social Worker to place her. When it's all taken care of.................take a vacation and set it up so that it's non-refundable!
You are in a different situation than me, but I am a massive nerd ... pathetically so probably ... I am very familiar with Texas services and I may could help at least direct you ? in some sort of direction re: her needs in a nursing home?
what part of tx are you in if I may ask?
ive moved from nyc to Abilene =\ been here since 2015 bc we found out my dad/gpa was dying... and after he ..left... my mom started declining. but it's horrible now and I am alone and terrified... and if you are too, please know u can msg me... idk about u, but it's not something most of my "friends" or even the man ive been with since our teens, even tries to understand... he gets ...mad and .. idk I just want you to know that you and I are around the same age and it is SO HARD for me atm bc ... every1 seems to be mad at me bc I spend time ... doing what I have to do ... and if u need anyone to talk to about stuff, I am here... for what it is worth because it is so much worse being in this alone..
there are a lot of other ppl I am sure who are wiser than I and they are probably replying now too so I am sure you'll do great :) but if you want me to give u the resources I have and have had to use re: nursing homes in the past and stuff, or just to talk... msg me and ill do anything I can...
best wishes <3
Once they understand that you won’t be the solution, they will work on stabilizing her behavior, probably with medication, , after which they will transfer her to a snf.
"Hospital of Methodist recommended me take her to a new nursing home that it could be the fact she don’t like it their no more which she was in about 4 years."
Do you have Power of Attorney? Healthcare Power of Attorney? If so, why did her 2 remaining sons allowed this to be dumped on you? I'm also curious if your mother cautioned you to NOT become involved in your grandmother's care?
It is NOT your responsibility to take care of your grandmother. Please be very clear with the staff at any facility (including hospital) that there is NO ONE to take care of her, and that she needs to be placed. If you don't take a firm stance, your bleeding heart will bleed you dry.
My understanding is that a facility can’t release a patient if there’s not a safe environment (where care can be managed) for the person. I gather you didn’t know you could refuse her discharge so they discharged to you and made grandma’s care your problem.
Do NOT become her caregiver. It’s not your job. She will fight you and stress you with her smoking and refusing meds and who knows what other destructive attitudes. Plus it gives her sons an excuse to do nothing but criticize and blame you.
Call 2-1-1. They know the system … and it’s free.
Take her to emergency or call 9-1-1 if she refuses to go. Refuse discharge. If grandma winds up in the psych ward, she might decide taking meds is a better option. Once conforming to the rules, a nursing home should accept her.
Good luck and condolences on the loss of your dad.