Can FPOA refuse and/or make decisions medically without consulting the MPOAs?

I'm so glad to hear that a VA social worker will be on hand to help with this fraught situation.

As was stated earlier, you really need to consult with a Certified Elder Care Attorney. It's impossible for any of us to give any other sound advice here, as we don't know what directives are in the MPOA or the FPOA.

I will say that while there may be conflict between you as MPOA and your brother as FPOA, NO ONE ELSE has any right to be making any decisions for your parents. They had the forethought to assign those roles to you and your brother (though they probably did not foresee your current issues), and the two of your are legally obligated to make those decisions, or hand the responsibility off. There should be language in the documents for that scenario as well.

I am currently both MPOA and FPOA for my father, with my sister as secondary "in the event that I cannot or will not" make decisions. I have a financial background and hers is medical, and we will probably work out most things together when the time comes that he is unable to make decisions for himself (sooner rather than later, I'm afraid). Our third sister will not be involved in any way. She can certainly care for herself and her son, but simply is not suited for the roll of caring for another adult. Thankfully Dad is pretty perceptive, and knew what he was doing when making these decisions. Baby sis is also fairly self aware, and would never have accepted either position. I do wish that more people would give this kind of consideration to whom they appoint for both M & F POA. I think that parents in particular think that splitting these responsibilities will be more "fair" to their kids, or provide a sort of "checks and balances" system. The reality is that this forum is packed with stories just like yours, and so much of it could be avoided if families were open and honest long before these documents ever need to be put to use.

Best of luck to you in getting your situation resolved, and getting Mom & Dad the care they need and deserve!

Benice2me: A Power of Attorney does not use his or her financials on their principal's care.

Be, I am just curious what the caregiver situation was for your parents before your sister moved in and hired a caregiver.

I ask because they obviously can not live alone and maybe the situation deteriorated quicker then you were acting. Please don't take that wrong. When we get old or have health issues, things can change in a minute, leaving us with crisis management that means decisions RIGHT NOW.

Have you thought about just letting some things go? Your parents don't have any quality of life, is it really important to do whatever it takes to keep them alive or is them having some enjoyment, like non diabetic meals and a daughter taking care of them a better option?

As hard as it is to understand, people do get to an age in life that they would rather not prolong their life and if they can't comprehend that, do you really want to prolong if for them?

Just a thought, because a war with your siblings doesn't benefit any of you. I agree with Country mouse, two separate POAs is like hitting a hornets nest, no good thing will come of it.

You may need to hospitalize your parents in order to have case management or social services place your parents into an environment where they can be safe and have their needs met. While in the hospital, tell them about your difficulty with the FPOA. It might come down to family members being charged with elder abuse to remove their ability to make decisions about your parents.

I think you need to get guardianship over your parents. It will be costly though. If you win, the judge may allow u to take the cost out of your parents money.

Your parents need a lot of care. As guardian you can pick where they will be placed. Then u know they will get the proper care.

Bernice2me,
It seems to me from reading your responses that this has gone beyond sibling squabble to all out war.
I still maintain that in any court battle between a medical POA and a Financial POA, the latter will win, and in the case that latter is caring for the incompetent adult will win EASILY.
Basically you are down to someone will go for guardianship. In that case, should you win, you have it all. But I would stake a lot of odds you will not win. In which case your court costs will be your own, and the court costs of your sibling will be paid by the principal who appointed that sibling the FPOA.
It is indeed sad and I agree with the responder who observed that whomever appointed one sibling FPOA and another MPOA took a baseball bat to a beehive. Pure and simple. Everyone will end stung pretty badly.
I find that most MPOA are those rote documents that say almost nothing when push comes to shove legally. They have to be very well written to cover what you need to "win" here.
Sure wish you BOTH luck, and your parent, as well. It is always tragic when siblings go to war over a parent. It is honestly so destructive.
You may be down to going for guardianship. You are correct; in any war it will go to 10,000 at the starting gate, and whomever wins gets costs paid while the loser has a lot of debt.
Only lawyer win these wars.

1. Read the POA document. See how specific or non-specific the terms are.
2. Realize that state laws can differ.
3. Is the MPOA durable?
4. Are your parents incompetent?
5. In general, if your mother is incompetent, you as the agent under a Medical Power of Attorney are authorized by her (the principal) to make any health care decisions she would if she has the capacity. You as agent may direct medical treatment according to the wishes your mother has expressed to your when she was competent.
6. In addition to having an MPOA on file, your mother's medical providers should also require a HIPAA form signed by your mother when she was competent. Medical providers should not be sharing your mother's medical information with anyone who does not have a HIPAA form.
7. Do you have a relationship with your mother's health care providers? They should know who you are and that you're your mother's agent.
8. As MPOA agent you should be in charge of your mother's medical care as she entrusted you to do this.
9. If you know that your mother is not getting her medications properly or that she's falling, you are responsible to take charge and make sure that her health is protected.
10. Don't wait to hear from your siblings about what's going on. Go see for yourself if you can.
11. If your siblings won't let you properly take care of your mother and you are worried for her physical safety, you can contact Adult Protective Services.
12. MOST IMPORTANTLY -- CONTACT AN ELDER ATTORNEY. Your parents' financial and medical interests appear to be at the mercy of their children's inability to get along. Time to bring in an expert who can try to set it right.

Sorry, hold on - you and your husband have medical POA for your mother, and you have it for your father; but your parents' primary caregiver, living in the home with your parents, is your sister?

And at one and the same time you are peeved that your (resident) sister hired caregivers, but relying on the caregiver to keep you informed?

And if you didn't like your sister moving in, who did you want on the premises providing them with care?

And your brother is in charge of the money.

Your parents might just as well have gone out and taken a baseball bat to a hornets' nest.

Is either parent able to express a preference on decisions at the current time?

Firstly do know that if the principal is now unable to make any decisions, and there is a disagreement between MPOA and FPOA this can get very dicey indeed and can end in court with enormous costs involved or minor decisions.
That is worst case screnario and believe me you don't WANT THAT. For many reasons but most of all that you may be stripped of any powers at all, there's enormous costs involved and you may have to pay them if you lose having brought the issue, and that ALL disagreeing may be losing the power with the state assuming guardianship or temporary guardianship. That is to say in court it depends on the judge and the judge can do anything.
MPOA is there only to enforce the wishes of the person who assigned you and to carry out the medical advanced directive. They are not caregivers and do not make caregiver decisions, especially if those decisions involve costs. MPOA can refuse treatment if the person who assigned them is incapable of saying this is a treatment they did not want, as long as this is written in the advanced directive.
A Financial POA pays NOTHING. They manage the funds of the person who appointed them to act as financial power of attorney as they BELIEVE is best for the person who assigned them IF the person who assigned them is incapable of stating his or her own wishes.
Do know that the MPOA has almost no/very little power in anything but an EMERGENCY care situation in which the patient him/herself cannot give his opinion.
The FPOA handles all finances as he/she was directed to by the person assigning or as he believes best if the person cannot speak for him/herself, and he need not SHARE ANY INFORMATION WITH YOU or with anyone else.
You cannot get the FPOA to pay for or reimburse you on anything he or she did not pre- approve.
You are not understanding either MPOA or FPOA and I suggest you get the advice of an elder law attorney (this is on your OWN dime) to explain to you the powers in your state of a MPOA and of a FPOA and the powers as written in your own document as MPOA.
ITRR's advice to read what the powers of MPOA and FPOA are is a good one, but your misunderstanding of both documents seems to me so acute that I would much prefer you to see a Certified Elder Law Attorney to explain the documents and it would be well worth the 400.00 or so for that hour and would save hours of hassle and argument when there is an ill parent involved.
So sorry for the grief of the illness and sorry for the misunderstandings which make this all so much more difficult. But if you cannot work with the FPOA (who quite honestly has more power than you do) I fear for the outcome.
It is truly a sad thing that the person who conferred these duties did not give them to the same person. It would cause/could prevent, just this sort of dissension.
This is an interesting link from legalbeagle.
https://legalbeagle.com/12718365-what-happens-if-two-people-on-a-power-of-attorney-disagree.html
Good luck. I wish you all the best.

Be, welcome to the forum.

Go to your states website and read what the law says about POA. This will help you understand what the POA actually means and what responsibility the POA holder has as a legal fiduciary.

Can your parents speak on their own behalf?