I'm feeling lost. Any suggestions?

Practice listening with a sympathetic smile, and let your mind wander to what's truly needed. It took me years to learn how to listen in this manner but after some time you'll toughen up in a healthy kind way, for yourself and for you mom.

To do this, at first I listened and analyzed the frequency at which life threatening things were mentioned. Then I experimented with how often "uh huh", "I'll think about it", "You've got a point, (I'll work on that)", "It takes time", or anyone one of the many gas filled answers that will satisfy as a response to unkind, unimportant and unhelpful comments. Be creative. It gets easier and will sound natural. And you don't have to take a swing at ever ball pitched to you. You can always just smile and say, "oh mom". And then daydream. Often you body has to be there, if you have to, but your mind is yours.

I'm sorry that I don't understand when you say "Everyone is listening to what I say and not her", as well as, "nurses and P.T. are looking at me and you have no answers".

In your spare time fill your mind with good stuff and review them when you're with mom.

Tell us more. Your profile states: "I am caring for my mother RJ, who is 81 years old, living at home with age-related decline, anxiety, arthritis, diabetes, heart disease, incontinence, and mobility problems."

Do you live with her? Her with you? What do you do for her as far as caregiving? Why was she in rehab? Was everything fine until the event that precipitated rehab?

You are unclear about what answers the nurses and PT are wanting from you.

My knee-jerk reaction is to advise that you set some boundaries.

I can tell you that you are not responsible for what your mother is feeling or how that manifests into her attitude. Being unkind and difficult to please is 100% her issue. I totally understand your struggle with depression - it's awful to have to spend time with someone who projects their unhappiness onto you by assigning blame.

As long as she is safe, clean, fed, etc. you have met your responsibilities.

My 95 yo mother lives with me and I've had to learn how to set boundaries - which ones are appropriate in my situation, and not feel any guilt.

Next time mom, dad or who ever goes to hospital, tell their social worker you are no longer able to take them home. The Hospital, rehab or whoever is then responsible for placing them. Then you can step back and relax. If you don't do this, you've only got yourself to blame. Stop waiting for other family members to help you.

Mom is sad and her fear of her loss of control is disguised by discontent and anger. You are the safest one for her to vent to. I know it's hard, because you love her and this feels personal and targeted to you - but try your best to look at her as if she is your friend's mom. Once you can look beyond your own hurt and anger, and see the big picture - you will find ways to cope better. You are both adjusting to a huge change in lifestyle. In the meantime, keep telling her it's temporary until she gets stronger (may be a white lie). Keep the atmosphere bright and cheerful by giving her favorite foods, playing music of her era, and encouraging visits from friends, grand-kids and relatives. As for blood pressure, get a home pressure kit to detect spikes; also there are some doctor services whereby PA's make home visits. Last, stay on this site for the support and ideas on just about every dilemma you may face during this challenging time. We care!

I’m right there with you. My mom is turning 90 in August. She has AFIB, HBP, osteoporosis, wheelchair bound, incontinence, anxiety etc. spent 3 months recovering in a B&C. She moved back into our house(she’s lived with us in an addition since 2016). Her behaviors affect me to the point where I have trouble sleeping at night, can’t relax. Sending you hugs.

Remember you are a Beautiful Butterfly.
Its O.K.
Remember to listen and dance to music you love.
Treat yourself and your mom to favourite foods.
Talk to people and get help.
Maybe your mom would like to have fun too!
Sending love and Hugs xo

It would help to know Moms health problems.

What is "in home" expecting from you. This is a time you should have to yourself. Run a quick errand, take a walk. If Mom is competent they deal with her.

This may have nothing to do with your situation but it popped into my mind. I worked with Visiting nurses as their secretary. My boss had some complaints about one of the Nurses because she was a little bossy trying to tell them what they should and shouldn't do. My boss called a meeting. At that meeting the Nurses were told to remember that they are going into peoples homes. Their job was to go in and do for them what they were sent there to do. Taking some time to sit and visit but their job stopped there. So, when dealing with "in home" I kept what my boss said in mind. Some of these Nurses and therapists can be "bossy". They can suggest, thats it. They cannot demand. They cannot make ur Mom do anything she does not want to. And they shouldn't be turning to you to find a way to make Mom do. Thats what they are being paid for.

Thank God I have never been in Rehab. But I have had to sit with parents who were and its just so depressing. You have a stranger for a roommate. There is nothing to do. Its not your house. When you finally get home, you can't even relax because you have strangers coming into your home to continue more therapy.

My Mom came to live with me after one Rehab stay. I got her to my house in the afternoon on a Friday. Not an hour home, I get a call from "in home" asking to come and admit Mom for therapy. I said no. That I had brought her back to my house and I needed the weekend for her and I to adjust to her living there. I did not even know her routine. Mom had Dementia. Then, when they did come to admit her they wanted to come at 8am. I told them that wasn't convenient. She did not get up till then and she had to be dressed and fed before they came. Again, this is all new to me. We settled on 10am. The afternoon OT therapist did nothing. They are for ADLs. She was to the point she needed help with most things and trying to show her would have not worked. So I asked did he really thing he was needed, he said no and discharged Mom for OT. She got PT for about 2 wks.

It's Monday, welcome to the club. It's just plain depressing, there will be ups and downs.

Im also having the same issue...these people really dont understand mental illnes unless they live w a family member that is not well. My mom is bipolar & w dementia. Its very difficult keeping her up & also myself. Its draining & exhausting...