Sorry for the dramatic headline, but that's what I foresee happening if my husband agrees to drive my MIL back to live by herself in her condo after a hiatal hernia operation (or potential even if she didn't have the operation).
I'll give the main question first and then give the background information. Main questions:
1) In California, if he drove his 78 year-old mother back to her condo from Assisted Living and something happens, could he be guilty of elder abuse or endangerment?
2) If he drives her to her condo from the hospital after her surgery with no plan for anyone to help her, would he be guilty of elder abuse/endangerment?
Here's the reason I ask. She had a stroke a year ago and, after intense rehab, she went to assisted living (her doctors said she needed this) and has been there the past 11 months. It's a nice place with nice people. Understandably, she has been yearning for life to be back to the way it was, when she lived independently in her own condo. She continues to pay for the condo and has a fair amount of money, so money isn't really the issue even though she says she wants to leave because she doesn't want to pay any more money for assisted living. She is free to make that decision for herself. However, my husband and her life skills therapist agree that she isn't ready to live on her own because she's not really making the effort to make plans for help or for learning the skills she needs to live independently without taking her medications wrong. She still has trouble communicating verbally, epecially when she's tired. She can't drive. She doesn't evaluate her own abilities well.
Back story: She drank heavily until my husband was 19 and dumped him off with her mom when he was 6, so she didn't really raise him. Once she got sober, he spent a lot of time trying to build a relationship with her, but it's always been at a surface level. Throughout life she's made bad choices and then the "carnage" has been left on other people even if that was not her original intent. She just doesn't think things through. She's also stubborn and argumentative. My DH (along with the life skills coach) has patiently tried to walk her through all the steps, one by one, that she needs to take to become more independent. He even made her a fake set of pills (she takes a lot of them) to practice organizing them to ensure she takes her medicine correctly.
Initially when she was insisting on moving out (she can be very whiny and argumentative and stubborn), DH said he would bring her and her things from AL back to her condo. But I'm worried if something hapens to her, that could leave him (us) opened up to a charge of elder abuse. He will absolutely not bring her back to her condo after a hospital stay. She claims she'll get an in-home medical person to care for her, but she hasn't moved on anything else, so I have little faith she will move on that.
She had initially agreed to stay in assisted living at least until after she recovered from her operation so there would be people to take care of her. Now she says she wants to move back to her condo at the beginning of June, before her operation. She's already stayed in our house after she broke her ankle, and we are not doing caregiving again. She has the money to pay for it, and she can get really nasty (plus I'm having a hysterectomy this summer). Legally, what are the ramifications if my husband brings her to her condo?
Thank you for your advice.
5 Answers
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It seems to me that by tasking her with making her own arrangements, you are embedding a "test" of her ability to plan and manage.
Providing her with transport of herself and her belongings is enabling and creating a charade that she is independent.
Unless you are her guardian, I can't imagine that there would be liability. But it would be unwise on many levels.
As Countrymouse has said, MIL is independent.
So as such she arranges everything to return to her condo.
Independent people also arrange such home help as they need.
Could she do this?
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Stroke causes brain injury.
(Recovery is possible but results vary tremendously).
Risk of developing Vascula Dementia after a major stroke, or multiple minor strokes is approx 30%.
Anosognosia (lack of insight) is a condition/effect that can happen after stroke (I was quoted 30 - 60%).
1. He is definitely in the clear.
2. She remains free to demonstrate her independence by making alternative arrangements. Have money, pay for cab.
Any problem there?
"Oh, I'll manage"
Yes? Is this the sort of answer MIL gives to any 'open' question? ie when a yes/no won't do - a question that requires processing, problem solving & judgement.
It's a cover up statement.
Covers all sorts.. embarrassment, pride, lack of insight, diminishing skills in the areas of processing & problem solving.
People with Vascular Dementia use it (or similar) QUITE A LOT.
Obviously I cannot diagnose your MIL & I know very little on law. But I do know that ALL people are deemed capable of making their own decisions (good or bad) unless deemed INcapable. That is decided after a thorough neuro-cognitive assessment by a trained professional. Then any springing POA is sprung into action.
So as to your situation now.
MIL is currently deemed able to legally decide for herself.
Yet, her family + those involved in her care feel she would not be safe to live alone at present.
See part #2 for options.