I am leaving for a vacation tomorrow. We haven’t gone away in a very long time. Any advice on coping with the anxiety?

Why should you feel extreme anxiety when your mother is safe and cared for in AL? A very short vacation of 5 days is something you've earned so you should go in peace without checking in with mom at all. The AL will call you in the event of an emergency. Isn't there someone else who can look in on her while you're gone, if that would make you feel better??

Every year while my mother lived in AL, my husband and I would take a 2 week vacation to Europe or somewhere and remain incommunicado for the duration. We found it necessary to recharge our batteries so we could come home and continue the long journey with her once again. The whole purpose of AL is to keep our folks safe and cared for so we CAN take trips from time to time. If we're going to be anxiety ridden for the duration, that defeats the whole purpose of a vacation....to get R & R!

Go and have fun and relax. Mom will be fine for 5 days!

I’d like to offer my experience which might help.
When we moved my mother to a very high end life care facility near us, I spent all the time I could taking my Mom shopping, to eat, to the beach etc…. MANY overnights in the hospital on various occasions, all the while thinking she will not be with us much longer & my husband & I are youngish(50’s) & have our whole lives. Flash forward - my husband died of cancer 5 yrs ago & my mother is still here on a continual decline but no signs of leaving this world.
My advice would be to take what time you can with your hubby & your Mom has lived the best part of her life, now it’s time for you .
otherwise you will harbor resentment towards her & although I have made peace with it, it was no fun & made grieving very complicated. God speed & enjoy your vacation - Mom will be fine!

Sounds like the kind of anxiety from isolating, never getting away. The kind you can talk your way through. The kind that you can do it anyway and nothing bad will happen.

Start talking.
"This is going to be sooo relaxing."
"I will get to see some beautiful things."
"I can do anything I want".
"So glad that I am going with my husband".
"Going to take it all in and enjoy myself".
"I am free".
"Taking my time".
"Taking my mask with me".
"I am prepared".
"I can people watch at the airport"
"Everyone will be stressed but me".
"I hope there are macadamias on the plane".

[Lie if you have to. Self-talk is a good thing this time].

Wish I’d seen this sooner.

I always paid for an extra floater-aide to spend an hour with my mother around supper time, then call me and report on how she seemed.


It was NEVER necessary for Mom, but meant a lot to me.

We are on our first day. My anxiety stems from the fact that she is so isolated. I know she will be fine and hopefully have no medical event.

we will enjoy our time together. Is it ridiculous I miss my dog as well? 😂

Can your mother read or does she like to? Generally a facility has a daily paper. You could call and ask if it could be brought to her if she has that desire. Hopefully she has a TV and can manage the remote.

I worry every time I go away that this will be the time my mother becomes terminal yet she is always fine to a degree upon my return. You can call daily. You can ask that she be brought into the common area with other residents if you feel she might like that.

At some point we have to let go at least to a degree. I have spent so much mental energy trying to micro manage my mother's state. At this point she has arrived at a place where alot more cannot be done. I bring her reading material. I clean her nails and sometimes file them if needed. I bring her a favorite drink. Sometimes we make a call to a relative if she so desires. She has a phone but is having more difficulty using it. We talk about family.

I just have finally accepted this is the reality. I have been incredibly emotionally exhausted at times but I tell myself that is a waste of emotions. I am doing all I can and have been for a long time.

Enjoy your vacation. Hopefully you come back rested and refreshed. Then you can start back to visits.

Your mother was a bit anxious that you're leaving on vacation.
Your anxiety is very high.

I think it's just possible that if you'd been able to conceal your anxiety, your mother wouldn't have been even that little bit anxious! No prizes for guessing where she caught it from :)

1. Look forward to focusing on your husband. He's going to be cruelly disappointed if you don't both enjoy this vacation.
2. That way, you can also look forward to ringing your mother with cheerful and *interesting* daily reports about something different from the daily grind.

Give her credit for wanting you to relax and have a good time. Some anxiety on leaving any important responsibility with caretakers is natural, but this is the art of delegation. Think "Chief Executive" and have a wonderful long weekend.

If she has any dementia, she won’t remember you’ll be away. 5 days is not like 2 weeks…is there any one family member to go check on her while you’re away? You need to get away with your husband too..so try & relax, have a drink 🍷when you get there. Have a wonderful 5 day break!
Hugs 🤗

Make an effort to enjoy yourself every day. Find something fun or new to do daily. Focus on creating loving memories with your spouse. Then, you can share the highlights with your loved one during your phone calls.

When fear knocks at your (mental or emotional) door, remind yourself that she is being well-cared for by professionals for a short period.

Anxiety is something very common to caregivers and it comes from thinking about the past and about the future, from hystericalizing what "may happen/could happen". Not from a sort of mindfulness that keeps you in the day. When you catch yourself doing this pull yourself back to THIS TIME, THIS DAY, and attempt to have a good time.
Consider some counseling in future to work on your anxiety levels and on simple practices to form habits that are healthy for you. You need to stay strong to provide support for your Mom. You deserve a life, as this is your one and only go around. Know that you are not alone, and that anxiety is very common for those of any age and at any time in the walk of life.
Best wishes and try to have a great time.