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BrettaB Asked May 2022

My husband is 96 with behavior and verbal abuse issues as well as physical needs. I am 80 and burnt out. Do I have any options?

He refuses in home assistance.  I don’t feel safe driving him around anymore and he will not agree to NH.

JeanLouise Oct 2022
Please reach out to the hospital social worker to have him placed in a facility. They must recognize his needs far exceed home caregiving. I agree this is your chance to make the transition he’s reluctant to do on his own. You deserve a safe and peaceful home.

Geaton777 May 2022
From your profile:

" I am his caregiver and I am very stressed from his extreme verbal abuse and aggression...I am so torn about putting him in a facility or to return home from the hospital where he is being stabilized on medication."

Are you saying he is currently in the hospital? Please clarify because if the answer is yes, you may have a golden opportunity to transition him directly into a facility.

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funkygrandma59 May 2022
It's no longer about what he wants and doesn't want, it's about what is now best for both you and him.
In your profile you say that he has Alzheimer's/dementia, so I'm hoping you are at least his medical and durable POA, as that will help you get him placed in the appropriate facility.
You need to start looking around at different facilities now. And yes, like AlvaDeer suggested definitely speak to an Elder Attorney to find out exactly what your options are regarding your finances, and if you're wanting out of the marriage, speak to a divorce lawyer as well.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this at your age, but there is help out there. You're just going to have to ignore what your hubby says from now on and again do what is best for you both.

AlvaDeer May 2022
Yes. See an attorney. Get a division of assets done. Move out. Leave your husband numbers for emergency. If he has dementia report him as an elder in need. Get a divorce. Do not take on POA or guardianship; let the state do that with your husbands half of your assets.
If you don't wish to see an attorney my guess is that indeed you don't have a whole lot of options.
I am so sorry and I wish you the best.

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