Any suggestions on handling my mom's anger outbursts?

It sounds as though mom would greatly benefit from a complete physical, psychiatric and neuro-cognitive workup.

Tough to arrange this if she's uncooperative and can tell someone who the president is and the day of the week.

If she acts out, becomes aggressive, you can call 911 and say that you feel she is a danger to herself and others. You get her remanded for a psychiatric hold and go from there.

A consultation with a good eldercare attorney could also be a good move. S/he might have some other ideas based on your state

AM, a UTI in an elder can present as a sudden behavior change. I would get her checked out for a UTI asap.

Also, even without POA, you can share information about her behavior her doctor.

She refuses to go. She doesn't think there is anything thing wrong with hee. She gets very angry if it's mentioned. It's everyone else in her view. She is paranoid about everything. Everyone is stealing from her whenever she can't find something she has misplaced. Even pills out of her bottle. She counts them. She thinks my dad is cheating on her. He will soon be 89, doesn't drive, has neuropathy in his legs, lung cancer, and can't see out of one eye. His mental health is fine and he's so exhausted do to my mom's anger spells. I need help.

Are you the PoA for your father? If so, his clinic would require that paperwork so that your mother can't cancel the appointments. She would have no legal authority.

If no one is PoA for your parents, this is another issue. If your dad has lung cancer but is competent, ask him if he'd like to make you his PoA so that you can continue to advocate for him. Take him out of the home temporarily so that your mother doesn't know what you're doing. Then, if your father makes you his PoA, maybe your mom will consider doing it also.

If you aren't his PoA, then maybe take him out of the home for a day or 2 to get him to appointments. Have him request the Medical Representative form (HIPAA) to make you his MR. Make sure the clinic knows that your mom has the beginnings of dementia and to not cancel your father's appointments unless it comes from you. You will need to call the clinic in the days leading up to his appointment to make sure it isn't getting cancelled. Maybe erase the clinic namen and number from her devices or phone book to make it harder for her to undermine your efforts.

Has your mom been seen by someone to assess her mental health, preferably a geriatric psychiatrist?