How can I take my mother outside?

Of course she doesn't want to go into AL, that generation is stuck in how they used to be, not how they are today.

I have one in AL and one in MC, both lovely homes, with people their own age, activities and safety.

Sitting by herself in a flat three flights in the air is not IMO a good idea, especially at her age.

Why not tour some homes in your area, bring yourself up-to-date on what they look like today. The one my step-mother is in has a beautiful courtyard that she can sit in, talk to others, draw do whatever she likes.

Are there any windows that open? Catch the sun?

I always think what a lovely day, I've just got to get outside..

But many people dislike the noise & wind outside, prefer to be safe & snug inside.

I've mentioned on another thread a lady who liked to watch 'her tree' outside the window. Had no desire to BE outside (or move from her bed) but enjoyed seeing a little piece of nature. I thought if I ever cannot get outside, I'll get a few pot plants instead.

Bring the outside in.

Ka, has your MOM expressed a desire to go outside?

My best friend's mom is nearly 102 and lives in a lovely subsidized elevator building close to the Atlantic shore. She has a large balcony.

My friend is always pestering the live-in aide to take her outside in her wheelchair, or out on the balcony, but the elderly lady has no interest in going out of doors and protests vigorously when it is suggested or attempted.

Be guided by mom's wishes in this.

Crikey. I suppose we can be relieved that the $700 does include getting her back up the stairs again.

I would strongly second Barb's crucial point that you ask your mother first.

As long as she is not merely willing but actively eager, and as long as she and your family are not given to hasty litigation, what you want is a couple of forward players from your local Rugby Union team. There will be one (oh my goodness, there is one! founded in 1929, but I can't see their address online and of course I don't know whereabouts in the city your grandmother lives either).

Or perhaps her neighbourhood fire service would be willing to help, on the odd special occasion? It can't hurt to ask.

This would concern me..not for the fact that you can not easily get her out to go for a walk. What would happen if there was an emergency and you had to get her out quickly. A lot can happen before EMS arrives to help evacuate.
Has there been any thought about trying to get a first floor apartment, even in the same building?
At 103 (God bless her) a move of any sort would be difficult.
(Maybe do not call it a "nursing home" but Assisted Living. Get her out and take a tour of one.)

I think the only way to do this safely would be to get her out when the home Health Aide is there and can help get her up and down the stairs. (unless they are not able to do that)

In your profile you mention your mom has dementia.
At that diagnosis SHE no longer gets to make many decisions for herself about her care and her safety.
With a diagnosis of dementia she can not be left alone. You say that you have Aides there and neighbors that help out. That also means that some of the time she is alone. She needs supervision 24/7/365.
A move to Memory Care is the best option. I mentioned previously in my reply that Assisted Living would be an option but with the dementia I think MC is a better option. I am sure "nursing homes" AL and MC have changed a GREAT deal since your mom worked in one so what she is worried about may no longer exist.

The reality is 2 people need to carry her down 3 flights of stairs in a wheelchair.

To pay to have her carried out once a month is $700. She's on a Medicaid Elder Waiver so the cost of her in-home aides is covered, but the cost of taking her outside comes out of your pocket.

To continue to receive Medicaid in a facility would mean she'd require LTC (in most states so you would need to check hers). And, as she is already on Medicaid, there may be waiting lists to get into a facility, where she'd be required to share a room.

Are there any strong, young men in the building who'd carry her down for $100 each person, each trip? So, $400 a time? That's the only other "solution" I can see.

Seems she needs a more accessible home. I am concerned about how she would escape a fire.

Having worked in the management sector of senior living I'm going to be the first to say...LEAVE YOUR MOTHER AT HOME! I've seen it many many times same type of situation they move their loved one into an ALF and within months they die. Don't do it let your mother stay at home. I had to resign my management position in senior living to be a full-time caregiver for my father who currently has Alzheimer's. He will be 87 this year and I can tell you you're doing a great job taking care of your mother if she still able to do what she's doing at 103. I will make sure my father ages out right here at home. I had my parents moving with me just a few short years ago because I knew that they were getting up there in their golden years and I didn't want them to have to deal with anything. So blessed I listened to the Lord because my mom went home to be with the Lord in 2020 (died at home) so now I am taking care of my father, but home is the best place. As a native New Yorker someone made the comment to find somebody in the building, pay them each to help her go up and down the steps and trust me I'm sure you can find some dudes that you know to help bring her downstairs so she could get some fresh air. Trust me, she don't want to get out all the time, But if you just want to be outside with Mom I fully support that God bless you and good luck.

I know this might sound impossible but can you get her a different living situation? That sounds awfully dangerous for an elderly person to live 3 floors up if she can’t navigate stairs alone. What would happen in a fire?

My friend has a 90-something year old mother who she schleps CAMPING with her and her husband, then posts photos on Facebook of how Deliriously Happpy mom is and How Much Fun she's having. Personally, mom looks half dead to me, propped up in her wheelchair with blankets wrapped around her in 90 degree humid Florida weather, posed with a slice of watermelon in her gnarled hand.

Last week, and I kid you not, they asked 4 burly men to CARRY mom to the beach in her wheelchair where they plunked her down under an umbrella in the sand with a popsicle in her mouth for their FB photo op. I cringed when I saw that, once again.

Next thing I knew, the daughter was posting pictures of mommy (which is what she calls her) in the ER, propped up on a gurney, suffering from a heart issue, a colon inflammation and acute LIVER FAILURE after she'd started vomiting on the beach.

This happened after 2 other hospitalizations for mommy during previous camping trips when mommy fell and broke her hip, and another where she had blood clots in her lungs!!!

This is a true story bc you cannot make this nonsense up.

My friend drags her mother on these escapades because SHE has an agenda and a love of Facebook likes and being seen as The Good Daughter. She's not taking mom's best interests to heart while putting her life in danger during these camping trips from hell. But she also can't go camping if mommy can't come because she can't be left alone at home. So there's that, too.

I'm not putting you in the category my friend is in. Just asking if taking a 103 year old woman up and down 3 flights of stairs in a NYC walk up for a bit of fresh air is in HER best interest? You dont want her to wind up in the ER like my friends mother after some farkakte plan went awry, God forbid. 😊

Just some food for thought with this true story tonight.