Due to increasing Alzheimer's symptoms, my sister's family has decided not to bring her to her son's wedding. She is feeling unwanted; was it the right decision?

The only way to know 100% would be to take her. And to do that would maybe be a huge mistake, or not.
Try taking her way for a weekend at a hotel.
Travel for 4 or 5 hours. Even if you have to take a train or bus and get back to your car and drive around for a while. Then get to the hotel and wait around until you can check in. Do some sight seeing, walk a lot. Then go to dinner. Once you get into bed make sure all the doors are locked so that she can not get out if she decides to wander off.
My guess is part way through the first day during your travel she will want to go home. And at some point she will become agitated.
OH, make sure that you take her into a public bathroom and try to change her clothes.

I guess to answer your question...travel with someone with dementia is not an easy task. She will do much better at home.

I think the right thing to do for your sister's son to do would be have a small ceremony at the house for him, the bride and his mom so she can participate and she can see the couple dressed up. It does not even have to be the clothes they will wear AT the wedding.
And I think the right thing to do is when the couple returns home to have a small reception that mom can participate in as well. And your sister should wear a true "mother of the bride" dress. You can take her shopping while every one is in hot, sweltering, expensive Las Vegas.

When my father was too sick to attend his grandson's wedding, and we all knew he wouldn't last until the wedding date anyway, my son chose to move the ceremony into dad's room at his ALF instead. Dad got to witness his only grandchild get married, in the only way it would be possible FOR him to witness it, and he passed away not 18 hours later.

I don't think the OP was originally asking us if this decision was 'the right decision' or not; this post was altered from the original question.

There is no 'right or wrong' when Alzheimer's is involved. Lots of strategies have to be used to insure the elder is properly cared for, and that includes keeping her OUT of crowded and confused places, like weddings, where there's lots of commotion involved.

If this were me, I would create a small ceremony for my my mother to witness her son get married in, even if it was 'fake' and for 'show' purposes only. Then a small intimate dinner afterward so mom could feel a part of everything, as she should. To know she's purposely being left out of her own son's wedding is cruel, and something ought to be done to recognize her as the mother of the groom. In my opinion. This disease is cruel enough w/o robbing her of something ELSE she should be a part of.

Good luck.

I think it's up to the bride and groom. I went to a wedding 2 years ago that the grandmother of the groom had dementia. The groom's mother had insisted that her mother be included. The lady was very disruptive during the ceremony and reception. The bride was very upset and the groom has been estranged from his mother since the wedding. The groom's parents have since divorced.

I get that the bride and groom want their special day to be about them....and it should be.

Maybe you could tell your sister that Vegas is dangerously hot right now and its not wise for older folks to be in that kind of heat. Tell her that you are staying home like she is...

Another poster suggested setting up a zoom so that your sister could see the wedding that way. Not a bad idea.

I have been to Vegas for a wedding. My daughter was married by Elvis. The Bride and Groom were dressed like the 50s. Daughter had a Poodle skirt and everything that went with it. The ceremony was held in the Do Wop diner. Only 15 people could attend. So that was parents from both sides. My brother and wife and a favorite cousin from Brides side. Rest were witnesses and friends.
We had to stand outside the venue till it was our turn. Here is a peek https://www.vivalasvegasweddings.com/las-vegas-wedding-chapels/the-doo-wop-diner

I so hope that your sister is to the point her disappointment will be short lived. COVID is on the rise again. With your health problems, Airports and airplanes are not where either of you should be. And as explained, the whole trip will be very confusing for ur sister. Someone would need to constantly be caring for her so she can see 5 min of a ceremony. She probably thinks its a big ceremony with a reception.

They did stream my daughter's and that was 2010. Streaming has improved since then. Just get sis comfortably in her favorite chair. Turn the lights down and watch it from the comfort of home. I used to do this for Church for Mom when she could no longer go. She thought she was there.

So yes, the decision not to take sis was a good one.

I think a perfect solution is to either ask if they can live stream or provide a video of the wedding. And maybe spend some time with her before or after the wedding in a special way. Increasingly destination weddings are beginning to prevent a number of people from attending weddings for people that would attend if they were local and that doesn't mean those people don't love the bride and groom very much.

Last year we were able to attend the wedding of my nephew because, while he had a destination wedding, it was in our state (albeit was a 6 hour drive), but my FIL and the other living grandparent were not able to make the trip because both have health issues that preclude the long drive AND it was on a beach which made access a major issue for both. So they were able to watch the video later. And the bride and groom spent time with both at a different time.

My niece (sister of the groom from the wedding above) will be getting married next year and there is a very good chance we will not be able to attend because they want to get married in a very northern state, in a winter month when it will definitely be snowing, in a remote area which will require flights, and transportation, and lodging for nearly a week which will be costly for my family of four during a time when both of my daughters will have classes and taking time away is unadvised to begin with. We love both of them equally and if the wedding was closer we would 100% attend. But the expense and the location (as well as the potential for flights to be cancelled and add additional expense and additional time away) are definitely going to prevent us from attending and we already know that and we've already expressed our regrets that we can't attend. We absolutely don't have any expectations that they would make any changes for us because this is their wedding. As it is, it is already dicey whether her own parents will be able to make it. They will move heaven and earth and be there, but it is a lot to make it happen.

The reason I say that is this. Weddings are already often a minefield with lots of places where people can get their feelings hurt to begin with. You add in a parent of the bride or groom with dementia or ALZ that can't travel to the mix and if you start trying to make huge adjustments to the plan to accommodate and you could have long term hurt feelings in the mix. So if that is where they want to get married, they should continue their plans and get married in Vegas and try their best to do something very special for your sister to make her feel included in the very best way they can. ALZ is very unpredictable Traveling is difficult. Someone would need to be with her 24/7 and there is no guarantee that she would even be at her best for the wedding in the first place. She would be in an unfamiliar situation. In an unfamiliar place. She would be experiencing a huge life change away from home.

Its best for all concerned if they can do something extra special just for her to make her feel important and wanted.

Traveling and taking care of someone with dementia in a hotel room is not easy. You can't leave them alone while you're in the shower because they can walk right out the door. Not to mention all of the walking involved and not being near a restroom when they may need it emergently. Vegas is not the place to take an elderly person with dementia. They absolutely made the right decision in not taking mom.

Is there anyway that they can do a small reception that she can attend at home? This might help her feel better.

I would encourage them to get a video done so she can see the ceremony.

The in between time of knowing what is happening and not is so very difficult. Finding ways to not hurt feelings is a real challenge because the patient thinks they are fine to do things and they aren't.

Best of luck with this difficult situation.

I would leave this decision to the opinion of the bride and groom who I am assuming know the elder involved, and to the family at large who ALSO know the elder involved. I tend to think with others here that such a trip is not usually enjoyable for someone dealing with dementia. In middle stages they can be very aware of their deficits and very uncomfortable. Because this is not in the elder's town everyone is STUCK in an environment not their own. I would simply honestly discuss with the person involved the reasons she isn't going quite honestly. I think that BlueEyedGirl34 has great great ideas about attempting to make this elder feel loved and included. Even a small candid photo album would help, just something to say she is loved and missed, and that people want to in some way share this.
In this day of destination weddings and so on I am HAPPY to be excluded myself. Hee hee. But we're all different, and that's what it's all abou!

She's feeling unwanted because she - or rather she with her disease - is unwanted.

From the point of view of the bride and groom, it probably was the right decision, yes; given that their priority is, naturally, the wedding they planned.

From the point of view of your sister, the decision to have their wedding in a place and in a style she couldn't share excluded her and therefore, naturally, sucks. Evidently she's not so far gone that she doesn't understand that her son's getting married and she's not welcome; and both of things are unavoidably true. What's she supposed to feel? Hey ho them's the breaks?

Is the groom's father still married to her and still closely involved in her care?

I don't know what I'd say to her in your position. What does she say? Do you think there is anything the son and his bride could and would be willing to do to make it up to her?

It is the case that younger people aren't always willing to accommodate older generations' needs, and sometimes it's fair enough and sometimes it's regrettable. I don't know which applies here.