Difficult mom kicked out of assisted living. What to do?

joodzjazz: Perhaps your mother requires a higher level of care, e.g. a Memory Care facility.

Sounds like your mom just needs more care than assisted living. If she is a flight risk, memory care may be a better fit..

I would reach out to a local Senior Helpers office! They can help.

Seems she needs to advance to memory care as well as getting treatment - behavior modification and medications for her anxiety.

Sounds like she definitely needs a MC rather than an AL . They have them but you need to research to find them; some MC's are actually secured to prevent elopement. Some long term rehabs have MCs attached to them also. She may be bored if the staff is not engaging her enough and that could lead to the "I gotta get out of here" thought process. Most MC staff is trained to handle this sort of behavior, but administration is also responsible for keeping the other residents safe and happy. Also there is usually more staff in MC because the residents need more than just an "assist". A snarly person has your dining table is not going to make them happy. Certainly if they cannot keep her safe (she escapes) or meet her needs they have the right, indeed in some states, they are required to ask her to leave.
Check out the facilities in your area. I'm sure you will come up with some interesting ones to visit.

I would look very very very carefully at the memory care programs in your area. Ask a lot of questions about what a particular facility’s memory care entails. My mom was at one assisted living place that claimed they had memory care. I found out the only difference between their assisted living and memory care is that they locked the doors. It wasn’t true memory care. I moved her to another facility that has a skilled nursing memory care. This facility has extra hours of training in caring for residence who have dementia. She’s currently not in that program she’s in the regular skilled nursing care area but they are doing a fabulous job. Also if she’s not happy with one facility do not hesitate looking at different facilities because they are definitely not all the same in their policies and how they care for the residents. Just because she’s biting at the bit to get out of this facility does not mean another facility would not work for her. My guess is the staff is not engaging her enough and she’s bored. In another facility the staff may engage her more and keep her busy so she won’t be itching to leave so quickly. You can go to medicare.gov find the five-star facilities in your area and call those facilities to see if they have room for her. Oh and one thing else I found out is if it’s a skilled nursing program versus a regular oh we’re just gonna house the people program, they all take medicaid if your mom were to get to that point where she needed the financial help. The big key is to find out if it’s considered or licensed as a skilled nursing program not just assisted living.

I just finished touring AL and MC. Flight risk seems to automatically mean MC.
Good luck

With a diagnosis of dementia AND the REAL possibility of her being a flight risk she should be in Memory Care not AL.
There are medications that can be prescribed for the anxiety.
Once in the proper environment with staff that can help redirect her I think she would be safer

Sounds like she needs to be in memory care. She may also need some behavior modification. Talk to her doctor about anti-anxiety medication and whether she needs to spend some time in an inpatient geriatric psych unit to help her with behavior modification.

Hi, I'm echoing the others. Assisted Living is NOT the same as Memory Care. One pays more for Memory Care as the caregiver responsibilities are more demanding 24x 7, and the residents are more varied in capability.

In Memory Care, residents are not expected to automatically show up for meals. They may not be able to chew, so the food is cut up small for them. They are not given knives in case they harm themselves by accident. It is assumed that they cannot remember to take medication. The floor is locked down and floors very clean as they could have a resident who tries to leave on their own or will pick up items from the floor and eat them. Some residents are completely incontinent, and many are bedridden due to the brain and muscles not communicating correctly. Many do not speak and just wander the halls, potentially following other people into other people's rooms (they lack judgement about personal space).

So if your Mom is in memory care, expect her to talk to everyone about how she hates it. This is normal and the nurses and caregivers expect it. Some of the residents have been placed there without their consent. And yes, most of them are difficult in some way, but not necessarily the same way.

However, before a person is placed in Memory Care, like Assisted Living, a nurse evaluates them to see if they would be a fit for the facility. I suspect they also evaluate the family who is placing them there too.

So, it is possible that your Mom will NOT be kicked out of everywhere she is accepted. You might have to tour a few facilities (preferably not with Mom) to get the one that aligns with the expectations of yourself and your Mom. Think future. Once you move her into MC, you really don't want to find another place for her later down the road, when she loses the ability to walk, or stand, speak, or any of the other possibilities that go along with loss of memory.

My Mom doesn't think she belongs in Memory Care. She also complains she doesn't have any friends. This is true. She has no friends in Memory Care as she is unable to hold a meaningful conversation with anyone. Yes, she belongs in Memory Care, because I can no longer take care of her 24 x 7. I visit her nearly everyday so that she doesn't feel like I've dumped her (and also so that I can provide some of the food that she likes to eat that they would not be able to serve on the Memory Care floor.)

For what I am understanding, it seems your mom needs to be transferred to memory care. They are staffed and equipped to deal with patients like your mom.

She now needs Nursing Home or Memory Care. Some few ALF have a medium which has locked cottages to prevent flight, and patients with some deficits in memory. But if she is truly difficult that won't do as she would be a burden to others.
Memory care often has seniors with these problems but AL doesn't and it isn't fair to subject other residents to someone thusly troubled.

If your mother has diagnosed dementia, she should be in a Memory Care Assisted Living, not regular AL. MC is a locked facility, so if she's a flight risk, that's okay b/c she won't be able to leave the building. If she has 'difficult' behavioral issues, she needs to see her neurologist for calming meds before you place her in Memory Care. My mother did well with a low dose of Ativan; .25 mgs to start, then it was upped to .5 mgs as her Sundowning progressed and her agitation increased.

All Assisted Living Facilities can ask a resident to leave if they are disruptive and problematic. Everyone needs to feel safe and secure in a residential care environment, so if one resident is going to wreak havoc, then yes, they will be asked to leave. This is why your mother needs to see her doctor for an exam and calming meds to be determined. SHE deserves to feel more relaxed and calm also; nobody should have to feel 'stranded' and be complaining to others about needing to 'get out of there'......that's a sign of agitation and anxiety which can be treated with medication. Good staff should also have tricks to deal with residents who display such behavior, but again, they would be found in Memory Care vs. regular Assisted Living facilities.

Your goal is to get mom into the right care environment, and to see that she herself is calm and more relaxed in general. Dementia is a terrible condition for her to deal with, I know, my mother suffered with it for years. Anosognosia is the term for when a dementia sufferer does not realize they have the condition, and/or refuses to acknowledge a problem exists. My mother suffered from that too.........even with advanced dementia at play, she'd call the other resident 'stupid idiots' when SHE in fact was acting out worse than THEY were! It goes with the territory, unfortunately.

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet ( a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Best of luck getting mom medicated and placed into a Memory Care AL that she's better suited to.