From your profile: I am caring for my husband Jack, who is 58 years old, living at home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, incontinence, and urinary tract infection. About Me I am scared of capgras. I am not able to comfort my husband or figure out the triggers. I don't think I can care for him properly.
Welcome to the forum!
Does your husband ask who you are, or what you are doing in his home? If not, I wouldn't remind him that you are his wife, especially since he knows your name. If he's not frightened by your presence, he considers you to be a safe and calming presence in his life, so that's a good thing.
You feel frightened yourself, however, by your husband's disease process and feel unable to care for him properly, based on your profile statement. That is understandable, and I'm sorry for the situation you find yourself in. Does he have a Neurologist you visit for guidance? If not, now may be a good time to establish a relationship with one. The Neurologist can help Jack with his anxiety/depression and other issues by perhaps prescribing some medication to relax him a bit.
Now may also be a good time to look into Memory Care Assisted Living placement for Jack. Even if you do not place him immediately, it will be a comfort to you to have this information on the back burner for the day when it becomes necessary. I had my mother with dementia living in a beautiful Memory Care ALF where she got great care, and it was the right decision for all concerned.
When I worked in a Memory Care ALF back in 2019/2020, there were a great number of spouses who had their husband's placed in our care out of necessity. They'd come visit on a daily basis, some of them, and it worked out well. The wife could go home to sleep at night in peace, knowing her husband was safe and well cared for at our facility, plus she was able to visit with him and spend time together during the day.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet ( a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. Perhaps you can glean some useful tips from the article that you can apply to your DH:
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Why would you do that? Can he retain such information? What benefit is that information to him? Can you tell us a bit more about your husband? Is he home or is he in care? What is his diagnosis? Does he enjoy you no matter who he thinks you are in his life, or is he disturbed by you? When you remind him, is he happy to get this information. Clearly by this point you will have tried it BOTH ways? "Honey, I am your wife, VC. We got married _____ years ago." You might try bringing him an album of the two of you on life journey, wedding, children, family and trips. They make lovely little flip photo books now. This may serve as a little reminder, or something you two can go thru together. Would love to know more about your own circumstance, and sure and sorry; this is very difficult and I have seen it happen that a husband or wife, with dementia and in care, mistakes another resident as wife or girlfriend, and have seen women and men who handle this with a grace beyond belief, whichever way works best and easiest for the one suffering the loss of memory.
I assume that your husband suffers from dementia. Of course, Capgras syndrome can also occur in other brain diseases as well. Capgras syndrome is a fixed, well established delusion of misidentification, believing that a dear-one is an impostor, no the real person. it's due to irreparable brain damage. I'm sorry to tell you that there is nothing you can do about it. Even doctors can't cure it.
You are not 'sorry' to tell people there is 'nothing you can do about it; even doctors can't cure it.' You promote hopelessness in a world full of HOPE. You get joy from telling people their situations are 'incurable', you do it all the time here on forum. The OP was not asking if her DHs situation was curable, she was asking if it was necessary to enforce to him who she was.
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I am caring for my husband Jack, who is 58 years old, living at home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, incontinence, and urinary tract infection.
About Me
I am scared of capgras. I am not able to comfort my husband or figure out the triggers. I don't think I can care for him properly.
Welcome to the forum!
Does your husband ask who you are, or what you are doing in his home? If not, I wouldn't remind him that you are his wife, especially since he knows your name. If he's not frightened by your presence, he considers you to be a safe and calming presence in his life, so that's a good thing.
You feel frightened yourself, however, by your husband's disease process and feel unable to care for him properly, based on your profile statement. That is understandable, and I'm sorry for the situation you find yourself in. Does he have a Neurologist you visit for guidance? If not, now may be a good time to establish a relationship with one. The Neurologist can help Jack with his anxiety/depression and other issues by perhaps prescribing some medication to relax him a bit.
Now may also be a good time to look into Memory Care Assisted Living placement for Jack. Even if you do not place him immediately, it will be a comfort to you to have this information on the back burner for the day when it becomes necessary. I had my mother with dementia living in a beautiful Memory Care ALF where she got great care, and it was the right decision for all concerned.
When I worked in a Memory Care ALF back in 2019/2020, there were a great number of spouses who had their husband's placed in our care out of necessity. They'd come visit on a daily basis, some of them, and it worked out well. The wife could go home to sleep at night in peace, knowing her husband was safe and well cared for at our facility, plus she was able to visit with him and spend time together during the day.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet ( a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. Perhaps you can glean some useful tips from the article that you can apply to your DH:
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Can you tell us a bit more about your husband? Is he home or is he in care? What is his diagnosis? Does he enjoy you no matter who he thinks you are in his life, or is he disturbed by you? When you remind him, is he happy to get this information.
Clearly by this point you will have tried it BOTH ways? "Honey, I am your wife, VC. We got married _____ years ago."
You might try bringing him an album of the two of you on life journey, wedding, children, family and trips. They make lovely little flip photo books now. This may serve as a little reminder, or something you two can go thru together.
Would love to know more about your own circumstance, and sure and sorry; this is very difficult and I have seen it happen that a husband or wife, with dementia and in care, mistakes another resident as wife or girlfriend, and have seen women and men who handle this with a grace beyond belief, whichever way works best and easiest for the one suffering the loss of memory.
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